Drunkard Injuries

Remember what happened last night? Good. Now tell the world.

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by mistah willies » Sun Feb 03, 2019 7:56 pm

Palinka (RIP) wrote:
Fri Mar 29, 2013 9:39 am
I once came-to to find a bloodied footprint on the ceiling. To this day I have no idea how it got there. I mean, I know how I cut my feet; I got really fucked up and passed out with an ashtray on my chest, which smashed on the floor when I turned over, whilst sleeping, and then I cut my feet on the broken glass when I staggered up for a piss and another few shots of Pálinka (I was in Hungary, in those days). So the bloodied footprints on the floor and the bed are completely explainable but the one on the ceiling? And Hungarian rooms have really high ceilings. Weird.
Friggin miss the Dude.

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Rye and Coke » Mon Jul 22, 2019 4:13 pm

mistah willies wrote:
Sun Feb 03, 2019 7:56 pm
Palinka (RIP) wrote:
Fri Mar 29, 2013 9:39 am
I once came-to to find a bloodied footprint on the ceiling. To this day I have no idea how it got there. I mean, I know how I cut my feet; I got really fucked up and passed out with an ashtray on my chest, which smashed on the floor when I turned over, whilst sleeping, and then I cut my feet on the broken glass when I staggered up for a piss and another few shots of Pálinka (I was in Hungary, in those days). So the bloodied footprints on the floor and the bed are completely explainable but the one on the ceiling? And Hungarian rooms have really high ceilings. Weird.
Friggin miss the Dude.
I never knew him, but I see the love and respect he inspired. So I raise a glass to him.

As for me, my most recent and insane injury occurred when I had visited my neighborhood bar after a really tough week at work. It was just to blow off some steam. I usually drink alone from my cache at home, but this time I said 'screw it, I need to be outdoors.'

There's something about being around 'your kind' as it were; and my kind tend to be drunkards of all races, genders, makes and models at this establishment. So off I went.

I had already primed myself with a few glasses earlier in the evening and was only planning on having a couple of doubles.

Well that shit didn't happen, lol. I didn't mention it earlier, but the owner of the bar and I had become friendly thanks to our shared love of professional wrestling. So as soon as I walk in the door, he's like "Rye, get over here! What's going on man!" He and his wife are TRASHED and he's just ordering us shot after shot of Fireball. My last memory was of slapping him on the back, heading to the bar for my second double and...that was a wrap.

Through the ink blot-dark, bog of eternal gladness that was my blackout, I remember falling backwards through a door, a bathroom, and my god, some type of nudity.

My wife found me at the foot of our basement, in the aforementioned state of undress, sporting a velociraptor claw-shaped, bleeding wound on my left triceps. The walls around me looked like a Pollock painting of red fingerprints. To this day I have NO IDEA what happened. Obviously, I made it home, which is no mean feat seeing as to get to the bar, I have to cross a pretty high bridge and a couple lanes of traffic. However, it was after midnight, so I was pretty safe in that aspect as there was no one on the road.

What did I do? Did I destroy his bathroom? What did I say? I have no earthly idea, so much so that I'm probably never going back there again. Hahaha. I can't deal with that fallout. Just another bridge burned I guess.

Then again, maybe I will sneak back one day, under the cover of a thick blanket of time. Maybe I'll find I did nothing at all, and was only guilty of injuring myself on my way home from having one of the greatest times in a while.
"I feel sorry for people who don’t drink or do drugs. Because someday they’re going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won’t know why." - Redd Foxx

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oettinger » Fri Jul 26, 2019 3:11 pm

Rye and Coke wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 4:13 pm
I remember falling backwards
Don`t we all?

Somewhere I posted about being wasted in a bar being located on a very steep hill. I did some nice lumpia-rolls. No cab driver would drive me home after wittnessing it
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Rye and Coke » Thu Aug 15, 2019 7:32 am

Rye and Coke wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 4:13 pm

What did I do? Did I destroy his bathroom? What did I say? I have no earthly idea, so much so that I'm probably never going back there again. Hahaha. I can't deal with that fallout. Just another bridge burned I guess.

Then again, maybe I will sneak back one day, under the cover of a thick blanket of time. Maybe I'll find I did nothing at all, and was only guilty of injuring myself on my way home from having one of the greatest times in a while.
So I sneaked back in recently and sheepishly asked the bartender if I had done anything...unseemly. The small female bartender only smiled at me devilishly and assured me that I did nothing, or at least she hadn't heard that I'd done anything. She does remember them bringing up my name for some reason tho'...

which of course means...

I did some shit.

Haha, whatever, at least I now know that I'm not banished from the place. Cheers to that.
"I feel sorry for people who don’t drink or do drugs. Because someday they’re going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won’t know why." - Redd Foxx

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Godammnit, I broke something in my foot

Post by Rye and Coke » Fri Sep 06, 2019 6:15 pm

in an angry rage, I kicked a door. The door was like, "quit playing with me" and my foot was like, "back up, back up."

So now I'm doing the Dr. House thing with a cane. Just hobbling about, all cranky and grumpy. The doctor said it's just a contusion, but it feels broken to me.

The doctor said I can take pain killers, but that's not something I want to do with the lifestyle I lead. I mean, I don't hate my liver. So I got myself a bottle of rye and vodka and I'm just going to wait this thing out. Anybody got any war wound stories? I'm a use this thread as a diary of my recovery.

Cheers!
"I feel sorry for people who don’t drink or do drugs. Because someday they’re going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won’t know why." - Redd Foxx

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oettinger » Fri Sep 06, 2019 6:52 pm

You`re sure you don`t have any autodidactive-drinking-autosuicidal-malsuperfunction when you`re drunk?
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oettinger » Fri Sep 06, 2019 6:53 pm

As a mod I have to ask this question...
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Drunken injuries

Post by Savage » Tue Dec 17, 2019 4:35 am

It's that wonderful time of the year, when champagne and boozy eggnog and Tom and Jerrys flow. So how did I tear up my left foot and my right knee? Retrieving a couple of Christmas packages, stepping barefoot on a chunk of glass I missed from the broken candelabra from Macy's that came a day or two ago, and tripping over Grumpy's damn sneakers that he leaves in the entry instead of dumping them in the damn halltree-shoedump thing I bought when we moved in here. (He's trying to kill me. The unsalted nuts make me choke.)

So now I am awake, and I cannot put on a shoe to drive for a half hour to the nearest town to return the fekking candelabra bits and pieces and I'm all out of the oxy whatever they gave me after surgery and all this happened while I was hopped up on milk and cinnamon toast. Life is (fill in blank)

Grumpy drank all the bourbon. Pour a lady a drink?
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Re: Drunken injuries

Post by Badfellow » Tue Dec 17, 2019 7:56 pm

Rowdy Savage Piper wrote:I am here to kick Grumpy's ass with my one good foot and chew oxy. And I'm all outta oxy.
A Drunkard prayer of healing and pain mitigation goes in your direction. Remember to eat plenty of healing, holiday foods (cheese fondue, chocolate) and drink plenty of healing, holiday liquids such as Bourbon and Prosseco.
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Ich habe einen Boner » Fri Jan 17, 2020 1:50 pm

Artful Drunktective wrote:
Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:29 am
buzzsaw wrote:
Wed Jan 30, 2019 5:28 pm


Just to insult to injury... I stupidly put a used pregnancy test to hang out of the bathroom shelf and sprayed a little perfume next to the toilet (in a light hearted attempt to make a mockery of my shoulder wound) before my ("ex") showed up. That joke didn't go over too well
You got used pregnancy tests just laying around? Hmm. Not sure if I should say "Wow" or "Ewww!". Hope it was negative!

I had the epitome of a drunkard injury that put me in the hospital for a month. Not a proud moment nor a good time by any means. Let's just say now I'm a wee bit more careful...

Ich kann mir nur zwei solche Verletzungen vorstellen

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Broke Me Deek

Post by Ich habe einen Boner » Fri Jan 17, 2020 1:53 pm

Let a fatty ride me while drunk, now me deek has a biend

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Re: Broke Me Deek

Post by Artful Drunktective » Fri Jan 17, 2020 7:00 pm

Ich habe einen Boner wrote:
Fri Jan 17, 2020 1:53 pm
Let a fatty ride me while drunk, now me deek has a biend
Oh nein. Not more stories about Birdie's teeny DEEK.
Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this.
I must have some booze. I demand to have some booze!- Withnail


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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oettinger » Fri Jan 17, 2020 10:24 pm

Ich habe einen Boner wrote:
Fri Jan 17, 2020 1:50 pm

Ich kann mir nur zwei solche Verletzungen vorstellen
Aha, german:

Ach, nur zwei du Wichser? Tut die erste nicht schon genug weh. Pass mal auf du Sackgesicht, dein blutiger Hoden ist hier fehl am Platz. Verpiss dich und alle deine dämlichen Missgeburten,

guten Tag
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