Bartenders and Female Clientele--A Gripe

girl_friday · Post by **girl_friday** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 11:32 am

So, I was out with some of the girls at the Velvet Lounge, a martini hot-spot past its prime, last Friday. I know that this was our first problem, but hey, it's quiet and dark and a good place to sit and talk. My rule of thumb here--never order a mixed drink unless it's a straight-up gin martini. Everything else runs into dangerous territory, so I've always stuck with that or some vodka on the rocks. That night, though, I had a hankerin' for whiskey. No problem, right? You pour that shit outta the bottle and into my glass. Done and done. Still, the bartender seemed noticeably shaken by the request. He looked at me funny and then proceeded to pour me a petite glass of this:

If you can't read the fine print there, let me tell you, it calls itself a "vanilla whiskey." He failed to warn me about this, though, as I distractedly took my first sip. Friends, I am writing this post as an important warning to all of you. Never, ever, even accidentally, drink anything calling itself "vanilla whiskey." First of all, those words should never be used together. Vanilla disgraces whiskey's name. It turns it into a veritable post-op tranny, all dressed up for a night on the town. Not a classy night at some blues club smokin' Padrons, mind you. We're talkin' a full-on Long Island dance club on Ladies' Night.
Whiskey is warm and secretly affectionate. It's like a slap on the back from your oldest friend. Tell me, why the hell would you ever wanna mess with something as genuine as that?
So anyhow, after that sickingly sweet vanilla taste rushed over me, I yelled to the bartender, "What the hell is this?!!" He responded, "Oh, we just got that in. I figured you'd like it better." No, Velvet Lounge Man. No, this is not better. In what godforsaken world would this EVER be better?
What I'm really gettin' at here is this--I'm tired of bartenders (yes, there have been countless) thinking that everyone who was born with the burden of that second X chromosome wants nothing more than to drink while simultaneously raising their blood sugar levels to diabetes-inducing states. Please show us the same courtesy you'd show your male patrons and their tastebuds. Some of us still have ours'...

***** · Post by ***** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 11:40 am

All-star, and not just because I miss regular drinking with MeanOldLady

bluebottle · Post by **bluebottle** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 11:41 am

well spoke, for a g................errr, well put little missie, or, i mean, nicely said young lady. how is that? now here, have some plain ol' evan, i'm pouring. three fingers? four? say when! i am using these wide mouth mason jars these days...

Mayhem · Post by **Mayhem** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 11:45 am

I saw that stuff at the liquor store a couple of weeks ago, and thought that it was an aberration or a hallucination. I'm sorry to have discovered that it's real. I like my Bourbon Whiskey flavored, and vice versa. That WT with honey is not horrible, but no more than a wee dram.

girl_friday · Post by **girl_friday** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 11:46 am

now here, have some plain ol' evan, i'm pouring. three fingers? four? say when!

that's a dangerous game...

Rooster · Post by **Rooster** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 11:47 am

Mayhem wrote:I saw that stuff at the liquor store a couple of weeks ago, and thought that it was an aberration or a hallucination. I'm sorry to have discovered that it's real. I like my Bourbon Whiskey flavored, and vice versa. That WT with honey is not horrible, but no more than a wee dram.

I'm surprised Tony Baggadonuts doesn't support the drinking of Vanilla Whiskey-petite.

Personally I like my whiskey like I like my women: Thrown on the rocks.

girl_friday · Post by **girl_friday** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 11:49 am

That WT with honey is not horrible, but no more than a wee dram.

oh, agreed. the turkey with honey has its place, but i can usually only stand a small amount for camaraderie's sake (it's mysteriously popular in my regular joint).

Mayhem · Post by **Mayhem** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 11:51 am

Rooster wrote:
Mayhem wrote:I saw that stuff at the liquor store a couple of weeks ago, and thought that it was an aberration or a hallucination. I'm sorry to have discovered that it's real. I like my Bourbon Whiskey flavored, and vice versa. That WT with honey is not horrible, but no more than a wee dram.
I'm surprised Tony Baggadonuts doesn't support the drinking of Vanilla Whiskey-petite.

Personally I like my whiskey like I like my women: Thrown on the rocks.

I support drinking, and if vanillskey is your thing, then fine. Not for me, and obviously not for this lass.

fiyah · Post by **fiyah** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 12:06 pm

The fact that he poured a vanilla whiskey when you ordered a whiskey is a slap in the face, as well as an indication of the sorry caliber of that bartender.. You're right, because you're female he thought "let me charm her" with this vanilla-flavored whiskey.. Fuck that.. If I had been poured such an abomination, I'd have disgustingly asked, "Would you drink this piss?"

Just a thought- next time, order a whiskey by brand name to rule out Joe-Bartender's shortcomings.. First thing I do when I step into a bar it is to "look at all the shiny bottles!" and assess which beverage will steer me to bliss.. Never ever leave important decisions to an amateur (ie that bartender)..

Vanilla whiskey.. HAH!

Sgt. HSA · Post by **Sgt. HSA** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 12:06 pm

DrDrinkBastard wrote:All-star, and not just because I miss regular drinking with MeanOldLady

That was my thought, almost verbatim.

I can say that my wife would have tore that guy a new one if he pulled that shit on her; she'd probably have thrown it up on the bar. Someone gave her a sip of a chocotini on New Year's Eve (before she knew what it was), and she had to quit drinking for an hour because that sweet stuff made her ill.

girl_friday · Post by **girl_friday** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 12:10 pm

Never ever leave important decisions to an amateur (ie that bartender)..

You're right. I really should've known better, but my pennies were pinched that night and I was going for the well. Next time, I won't make the same mistake.

shylock · Post by **shylock** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 12:17 pm

Lady, you are cool in my book. I imagine you feel the same way about flavored vodka's. With the exception of Southern Comfort or Honey Whiskey, I didn't know anyone would have the stones to touch a good whiskey. Please tell me you were 86'd after throwing the contents of your glass back into the bartender's face.

girl_friday · Post by **girl_friday** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 12:21 pm

Please tell me you were 86'd after throwing the contents of your glass back into the bartender's face.

I tend to err on the side of civility, but I did manage to talk my way out of the tab that night.

Mayhem · Post by **Mayhem** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 12:22 pm

girl_friday wrote:
Please tell me you were 86'd after throwing the contents of your glass back into the bartender's face.
I tend to err on the side of civility, but I did manage to talk the way out of my tab that night.

Good job.

fiyah · Post by **fiyah** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 12:32 pm

Mayhem wrote:
girl_friday wrote:
Please tell me you were 86'd after throwing the contents of your glass back into the bartender's face.
I tend to err on the side of civility, but I did manage to talk the way out of my tab that night.
Good job.

Very smooth..