BEER TROUBLESHOOTING FLOW CHART

Cam L Toe · Post by **Cam L Toe** » Fri Aug 29, 2003 9:49 pm

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING FLOW CHART

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself lashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part
of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward
ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about her
house training.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

Frankennietzsche · Post by **Frankennietzsche** » Fri Aug 29, 2003 10:10 pm

Funny!

fdoosey · Post by **fdoosey** » Sat Aug 30, 2003 8:14 am

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

I woulda thought it like this:

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Someone gave you Coors Light.
ACTION: Punch that someone in the head.

:)

dasbeaver · Post by **dasbeaver** » Sat Aug 30, 2003 8:20 am

Haha, thas pretty good.

stepheybaby · Post by **stepheybaby** » Sat Aug 30, 2003 1:37 pm

how about

sympton:unhappiness
cure: MOre maths

TARTANSPECIAL · Post by **TARTANSPECIAL** » Sat Aug 30, 2003 4:11 pm

stepheybaby wrote:how about

sympton:unhappiness
cure: MOre maths

Sorry
symptom: unhappiness
cure: drink more, don't count anything :twisted:

TARTANSPECIAL · Post by **TARTANSPECIAL** » Sat Aug 30, 2003 4:14 pm

stepheybaby wrote:how about

sympton:unhappiness
cure: MOre maths

I'm sorry, but who the hell wants more maths :?:
I take it you are a genius who loves maths.
No offence intended.

JugMan · Post by **JugMan** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 12:42 am

This cracked me up... I actually laughed out loud.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

Omar The Tentmaker · Post by **Omar The Tentmaker** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 4:09 pm

this also works

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have drank from an ash can
ACTION: Let it fly, get another beer

deadpuppiesandwhores · Mon Sep 01, 2003 6:18 pm

SYMPTOM: everything you say gets blank stares
CAUSE: you have drank yourself stupid
SOLUTION: keep drinkin' dumbass, soon you'll be a genius

LuckyStrikes · Post by **LuckyStrikes** » Tue Sep 02, 2003 2:47 pm

SYMPTOM: You're broke
CAUSE: You spent all your money on booze
SOLUTION: Move in with UnkleLemmy

massivedrunk · Post by **massivedrunk** » Tue Sep 02, 2003 4:31 pm

LuckyStrikes wrote:SYMPTOM: You're broke
CAUSE: You spent all your money on booze
SOLUTION: Move in with UnkleLemmy

wait i could move in with lemuel, what the fuck am i paying bills for.

deadpuppiesandwhores · Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:55 pm

do we have to bring anything or will lemmy provide? can i wear his clothes?

LuckyStrikes · Post by **LuckyStrikes** » Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:59 pm

deadpuppiesandwhores wrote:do we have to bring anything or will lemmy provide? can i wear his clothes?

Lemmy supplies EVERYTHING! All the booze, clothes, transportation, food, everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Omar The Tentmaker · Post by **Omar The Tentmaker** » Wed Sep 03, 2003 12:57 am

well hot-damn where do we sign up?