Labor Day Weekend--I'm sick and dizzy

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 3:11 am

I thought this weekend was going to be great. My little girl and her boyfriend were coming home to visit. Now I wish I could push that cosmic rewind button, erase, and rerecord.

They want to get married. They are eighteen. She asked me if they could sleep (just fall asleep together mommy!) in the same room. If I say yes, I have to keep it from her daddy, who has an impressive collection of power tools. If I say no, I'm denying my child something that "means so much to us, mommy", and am pretty much saying I think some hankypanky (I don't believe I used that word--oh gawd) is going on.

He is a nice boy, but they are so young. They are both Marines, but still, so young. I think I'm okay with it all, but then I start shaking and almost cut off four of my fingers while chopping celery. The nap on the carpet under the desk is just starting to fluff back up again.

Oh damn. My hands are shaking too much. Would someone pour me a drink?

LuckyStrikes · Post by **LuckyStrikes** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 5:09 am

Savage, you've got some hanky panky blues goin' on there. Krazy kids. Perhaps take the young man aside. Explain how your husband feels about his little girl, yadda yadda yadda. After you give this speech, take him on a tour of the chainsaw museum. Tell him how your husband has ran off and/or maimed many a stranger, or stray rabid dog with them. He should get the hint. If that doesn't work, tell your daughter that in order for you to have peace in the valley, if they stay in the same room they have to retire later than grumpy and rise before he does.

I imagine that they just want to spend time together alone. I'm sure they're tired of being surrounded by people, and when they are together, busy doing other things. They probably just want to hold each other all night. Probably. Yeah, I'm sure that's the plan. Probably.

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 5:39 am

Just want to spend some time together--Yeah, yeah that's the ticket umm hmm. Do I look like I just fell off the turnip truck? Or like the woman who drove it? Actually, I am ashamed to admit that I fell for this nonsense twenty years ago. FDC told me that when I sent him home to the barracks I was causing him to almost have a vehicular accident. So I told him he could sllep on the couch. He said it hurt his back. But he would just stay on his side of the bed and behave. I wore my usual old spinster flannel gowns i slept like a log, so when i finally woke up he was almost at happy land. Oh shit, this is embarrassing. I am such a dumb ass, so naturally I think my little girls are as dumb and innocent as i was

LuckyStrikes · Post by **LuckyStrikes** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 6:17 am

Hehehe... back problem, hehehe... flannel nightgown. Savage, ya got me rolling here!

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 6:21 am

oh crap! forget the lie detector test! just git me drunk! And aren't boys pigs ?

LuckyStrikes · Post by **LuckyStrikes** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 7:27 am

Savage Swiller wrote:oh crap! forget the lie detector test! just git me drunk! And aren't boys pigs ?

yeah, they are. But it's sad about the blue balls. They oughta come up with a cure for that.

deadpuppiesandwhores · Mon Sep 01, 2003 10:07 am

whenenver my sister brought home a guy, my father would check his hunting rifle twice to ensure it was unloaded, then sit in the garage drinking and shootin' the shit with the new guy. he never threatened with the rifle, but he would play with the bolt, pretend to shoot imaginary deer and just make it obvious that he is a nice guy, but at the same time he has no qualms with shooting you if you upset his baby girl. some very vulgar guys turned suddenly into perfect gentleman.

Omar The Tentmaker · Post by **Omar The Tentmaker** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 4:01 pm

Had a friend in high-school whose father would buy a new sword/gun/weapon whenever his daughter brought home a new boyfriend, and the first thing he would do woud be to show him each and every one of em. Scared the piss outta a couple friends of mine.

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 4:54 pm

Grumps chased another daughter's boyfriend down the street with a hammer--in base housing! Marines with beer cans came out and cheered him on

massivedrunk · Post by **massivedrunk** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 9:19 pm

Omar The Tentmaker wrote:Had a friend in high-school whose father would buy a new sword/gun/weapon whenever his daughter brought home a new boyfriend, and the first thing he would do woud be to show him each and every one of em. Scared the piss outta a couple friends of mine.

when i was sixteen a guy tried that shit with me, we still shoot together once a month or so and his daughter is a whore who he hates, who won here, haha dave wins dave wins

IntoxiChrist · Post by **IntoxiChrist** » Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:07 pm

I, too, have been cowed by the the NRA dad, and I love guns. The man was just so... Christ, so blank, such an incredible lack of basic human expression, combined with his truly awesome arsenal that spanned several residences, that I made sure I saw him as little as possible, in the hopes that he'd be unable to identify me if he decided to go a-huntin'.

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:52 pm

Tom owns no firearms, but he does have a great big NCO sword. And he is definately not "blank", just a bit of a hothead and overly protective.