THE PERFECT GUINNESS, WHAT TO EXPECT AND HOW TO MAKE IT.

[BanqosGhost]

Here's a little drunk rant/article I wrote a week or so ago for my blog

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In honor of the greatest of all holidays, St. Patrick's day, today I'm going to be talking about a subject very close to my heart - Guinness.

Guinness is probably my favorite drink there is. It's too thick for me to enjoy more than a couple of pints at a time, but I do know people who would drink it all day and be none the worse for it. It's a tough drink to get into, very often people will have their first Guinness in the wrong place and this will ruin their experience of it for ever. I know friends who on the spur of the moment have ordered one in a nightclub and got a plastic pint glass filled with the mysterious brown liquid. So sour and repulsive they never finished it swearing to never drink Guinness again.

However, order a Guinness in the right place where the barman has all the intricateness of a well choreographed and exactly time dance and it will be a hugely rewarding experience.

Now, it goes without saying that the best Guinness is going to be found on the island of Ireland. The fresher it is the nicer it's going to taste. However it's still very possible to get an excellent pint across Europe as long as they serve a lot of the stuff.

Any bar that only serves a few pints of Guinness a day is going to be serving a revolting drink. The best bars will go through a keg of Guinness from the time you enter to the time you leave and this means it's always fresh.

Nextly, the glassware is very important. I'm actually not a fan of Guinness's new glass as you can see below:


That glassware is just to snazzy for my liking however any glass will do the job as long as it's made of glass. I'll take the chance of being hit over the head with one any day compared to the alternative of drinking out of plastics like a child.

Next is my favorite part of the event, the pour. Each barman has his own little style however if they know what they are doing they will take their time. A proper Guinness should take just over second to pour and settle so except no substitutes.

The first thing the barman should do is hold the glass at a 45 degree angle as close as possible to the tap and push forward on the bar handle. He should do this for about 1-seconds until the flow from the tap goes from creamy to dark black. Immediately after it turns black he should hold the glass at the same angle and pull back on the handle letting the Guinness flow through whilst constantly minimizing the distance between the tap and the glass.

As the Guinness level rise's he should balance out the glass slowly decreasing the angle it's held at until stopping pouring it so the Guinness level is online with the top of the harp you see on the glass.

After this the Guinness should be gently put down and left for about 70 seconds until the Guinness has fully settled. An ametuer barman will use this time to stare at the glass whilst the customer nervously prays the barman doesn't get impatient and top up the drink to early. An expert will use this time to go and serve someone else or take money off the customer.

When the Guinness is ready to be topped up (about seconds) slowly lift it towards the tap and again push forwards but not all the way forward. Minimize the fall distance and let the rest of the Guinness fall into the glass without causing much disturbance so it need not settle again.

Do not draw a shamrock (piss in the pint as the Belfast locals call it) but gently hand over the pint to the customer. The top of the pint should be free of any bubbles and with as smooth a head as possible.

For the customer, many people make the mistake of sipping the head off the Guinness and then drinking the rest. Do not do this. Instead hold the glass at a high enough angle so the black stuff flows underneath the head into your mouth and the head never gets drunk. This also leaves you with a beautiful 'Guinness Mustache' on your top lip which can be licked away, or else everyone can pose for a photo with their Guinness Mustaches if they are tourists.

So it doesn't matter if you're drinking your Guinness this St.Patricks day in the streets of Dublin or the gutters of New York, make sure your drink is treated with the respect it deserves.

[Resident Asshole]

Your technique is wrong. I would prefer to listen to the Guinness brewmaster:

http://www.celticevents.com/detail.lass ... nt&r=c46h7

1. Preparation: Use a clean dry glass; it should be a 20 ounce ‘tulip’ glass (named for its tulip-shape with a wide rim) as opposed to the 16 ounce pint glasses used for most other beers

2. Hold the glass below the tap at a 45-degree angle and never allow the spout to touch the beer or glass

3. Part One: The Pour – Pull the tap handle down and allow the beer to fill the glass to the GUINNESS logo; you will see the surge commence

4. The Settle: Allow the nitrogen bubbles to create the theatrical ‘surge event’ thereby creating the beautiful, iconic creamy head; do this by setting the glass down and allowing it to sit for 119.5 seconds

5. Part Two: The Top-up – Now that the beer has settled (there should be distinct gap between the dark liquid and head), the glass is topped-up slowly to create a domed effect with the head proud of the rim. When doing this second pour, you should push the tap handle back, as opposed to pulling it down as was done in the first pour. Also, you want to hold the pint glass straight, not at a 45-degree angle as was done in the first pour

6. The Presentation: Give the creation of the perfect pint to the adoring customer, with the logo facing towards the recipient so they can admire the work of art with their eyes before doing so with their lips

[Screwball]

Quit pussyfooting around and drink the goddamn beer. It ain't gonna drink itself!

[BanqosGhost]

What's the difference between what you posted and my technique?

And I assure you, my technique is fine I've worked behind some of Irelands finest bars.

[Wingman]

clearly we need a taste-test. i volunteer. each of you pour six stout (consistency, you know) and line 'em up!

[BanqosGhost]

Indeed, taste is the most important of all.

Now that I'm in England I find it infuriatingly hard to get a properly poured Guinness. Weatherspoons (chan bar) is the worst. And it doesn't matter how much I offer to tip if they follow my instructions, they always fuck my drink up.

There's a bar I usually end up at when I'm pissed that the bar staff let me lean over and pour my own which is a nice touch.

[Resident Asshole]

What's the difference between what you posted and my technique?

And I assure you, my technique is fine I've worked behind some of Irelands finest bars.

And I assure you I traveled to Ireland hitting all of the "finest pubs" and the technique there wasn't any better than in the US. I couldn't even find a bartender that knew how to make a proper shaken shot. And there are several differences between your technique and what I posted. For me to list them would be redundant.

One of my biggest pet peeves (not just regarding guinness, but all beers) is that when you describe holding the glass as close as possible to the tap (more properly referred to as the faucet), people actually have the glass touching the faucet and then when the beer gets full the faucet is touching the beer as well. Those faucets are havens for bacteria and fruit flies. Matter of fact, it is against health code here to do so. Touching the glass to the faucet can significantly compromise the beer.

And new guy buys, I'll try one of your Guinness pours.

[Screwball]

Jesus Jumping Christ, you two!

If it bugs you that much on how your beer is poured stay the fuck out of bars, you pompous gits. Fuckers like you tie up the bartenders thus keeping the rest of us from getting our Booze.

You have heard of Booze, haven't ya? It's a liquid that can be poured in a glass and drank and it will get you Drunk! It's great stuff! Plus, you don't have to have yer pinky extended while drinking it.

Try enjoying life one of these days and stop being so anal (unless you are into that kind of thing but that belongs on another forum).

[BanqosGhost]

Jesus Jumping Christ, you two!

If it bugs you that much on how your beer is poured stay the fuck out of bars, you pompous gits. Fuckers like you tie up the bartenders thus keeping the rest of us from getting our Booze.

You have heard of Booze, haven't ya? It's a liquid that can be poured in a glass and drank and it will get you Drunk! It's great stuff! Plus, you don't have to have yer pinky extended while drinking it.

Try enjoying life one of these days and stop being so anal (unless you are into that kind of thing but that belongs on another forum).

A passion and love for drink naturally leads to a hatred of a perfect pint being abused. Then again, maybe this is your style:

[Screwball]

Jesus Jumping Christ, you two!

If it bugs you that much on how your beer is poured stay the fuck out of bars, you pompous gits. Fuckers like you tie up the bartenders thus keeping the rest of us from getting our Booze.

You have heard of Booze, haven't ya? It's a liquid that can be poured in a glass and drank and it will get you Drunk! It's great stuff! Plus, you don't have to have yer pinky extended while drinking it.

Try enjoying life one of these days and stop being so anal (unless you are into that kind of thing but that belongs on another forum).

A passion and love for drink naturally leads to a hatred of a perfect pint being abused. Then again, maybe this is your style:

Actually, bitching about a way that a beer is poured makes you out to be a dick. Plus, what is wrong with Drinking straight from the bottle? I bet a shitload of folks on this site do so every night so maybe we are a bit low brow for ya, youngster.

[Mayhems]

Glass? That's what the bottle's made of, right?

[Sgt. HSA]

Glass? That's what the bottle's made of, right?

You only drink cans, ya lightweight.

I'd say Casino's advice applies here, though he was talking about bourbon:

"Open bottle. Drink. Repeat."

Or something like that.

[BeerMakesMeSmart]

Ya'll got your ascots on too tight.

[Screwball]

Ya'll got your ascots on too tight.

Don't get a run in yer stockings, missy. We're trying to get our drunk on here.

[Judge]

My son in law (Ruiner-you've heard of him) was 19 and broke in Ireland. Got some bartending jobs there. He really really hated being made to make the little shamrocks on the foam for the tourists. For the record, he won't drink it in the US. Says its nasty wrong. I drink it. Out of CANS! In the hot tub. I like it. At my local irish bar, the barwomen just put the glass under the tap and fill it. Ask for the "proper way" and you get nothing. Because they are 60+ and don't have time for your shit. I try never to give them shit. I get free beers.