Your day in a nutshell. Share please.

[Thompson]

So the landlord, right next door in this double shotgun, he’s close to 60, on one side or the other, lives and has always lived by himself and doesn’t drink, has got himself a 6 month old hound dog puppy and he’s never had a dog of his own before. He has read everything there is to read about dog training and obedience and all that bullshit that the internet gives you, and of course comes out of that with not a lick of an idea on how to deal with his dog. He has this idea that he constantly has to be barking orders and commands and plain bossing the poor fellow around. So Landlord leaves for work and locks this young country hound dog in a dog crate on dog’s third day in the house. The dog goes fucking crazy! I don’t have a key. For six plus hours he is making sounds I’ve never heard before from a dog. I thought for sure he would bust out of the crate, the rattling was impressive.

Anyway, I told the landlord that “I wouldn’t mind looking after the dog while you are at work. All I do is drink beer and watch baseball games.” Plus, I like dogs , they kiss better than girls. Okay, he says. I’m guessing there was plenty of piss and bent bars in that crate, and he figures he’s in over his head at the new dog training.

To be continued, I gotta have a DRINK.

[Thompson]

So the next day it’s me and the dog. The doors are open there’s a back yard and a front area, and Hey Dog, you can come and go as you please. I took a T-bone out the freezer the night before when I knew I was going to babysit. So the landlord goes off to work and I cook the T-bone on top the stove and of course I leave just a little filet and strip on the bone for the dog. It was a good sized bone. NEW FRIEND!

Fast forward to the next morning. Red (the dog) didn’t finish the steak bone but buried it or hid it to show his dad I guess, and chew on later. Landlord went Crazy - “ How can you be so irresponsible,” he says, “to give a dog a meat bone?” “What the fuck are you talking about,” I said. “My dog is a vegan dog,” he said. I went over to my side, rocked in my chair, put the headphones on and listened to The Rolling Stones.

[Thompson]

I knew he was eccentric, and diabetic, and had strange eating habits, and didn’t drink (red flag), and exercised every morning at 5am, but I had no clue that he would actually put his country hound dog puppy on a vegetarian diet. Well, as long as I’m living here Red is going to eat some meat. I’m thinking maybe some boudin for us tomorrow while Dad’s at work. Or a meatloaf. We’ll have to go to Rouse grocery to get that. We could split a can of Wolf Brand chili I suppose, maybe have a couple slices apiece of Bar S Bologna on Wonder Bread to soak up the chili. I don’t think Red is too concerned with the particulars. He’s a cool customer, cucumber, and life guard extraordinaire. And he smells just like a dog should.

[Thompson]

“Red didn’t eat his breakfast,” says the landlord in an accusing tone. “Well, of course not,” I said, “It’s too early to eat that weird shit you are feeding him. Can’t you just feed him regular dog food? Alpo has been around, what is wrong with Alpo?”

[Nausea]

My fingers hurt from fingering my sweet pussy all day.

[scream ale]

My fingers hurt from fingering my sweet pussy all day.

Busy day at the office again?

[Thompson]

What is the dog’s name? Oh yeah, Red. That’s not a bad name for a dog, even though he’s a black lab mix with a white streak on his chest. He’s handsome enough, but he barks at other dogs and probably won’t mate. Red and me spent a pleasant day drinking gin fizzes and relaxing in the yard. Actually it was tall Budweisers with a Burnett’s thrown in here and there. The two of us decided on sausage pizza and we walked up the street together to claim it. You might think that walking with a dog would throw you off balance, but no. The pizza parlor had to-go drinks so me and Red got a couple of vodka cranberries while we waited. The last time I went out I fell down and the cops were called. This time trusty ol’ Red, even though he’s not my dog, got me home safe and sound. The end.

[Nausea]

What is the dog’s name? Oh yeah, Red. That’s not a bad name for a dog

Red is a cool name for a dog.

At work, a lot of dogs come into our garden center. I am their ambassador. There were two with some very strange names yesterday, something like "Arcturus" for one of them (I can't remember the other one's name). I think the owner must be some kind of Star Trek geek, if not a geek of a more insidiously fantastic character.

To each their own pup, as they will be loved.

[Thompson]

I’m really pissed off at the landlord. I didn’t think he could be so stupid. I might have to move. The test will come tomorrow. If he doesn’t trust his dog with me while he’s at work then that’s it. Right now he’s out and Red is loose in there. I told Red to go ahead and chew everything in sight.

[oettinger]

Clearly time to call PETA. What a horrible owner, poor Red

[Thompson]

You can usually size up a person by the way he parks his car in front of his house on a public street. I don’t have a car, my side is free. But no, what he does, the landlord, is park so he takes up THREE spaces, and he does this on purpose and then complains endlessly how the other neighbors don’t know how to park.

He left Red on his side when he went to work. I don’t think he’s in the crate. He’s been crying a little but not much. The dog needs to be outside! There is a nice spacious back yard that he can run around in and chase butterflies which he loves to do, and roll around in the grass, etc. Maybe he thinks I will turn Red into an alcoholic, he does like to chew on my beer cans. Friction, lots of friction. I’m going to tell him my astute observation of his car parking and ask him point blank why he does that when he gets home from work.

[Thompson]

I’ve lived on the street before, I’m not afraid of it, but it’s a real fucking inconvenience. IT IS NOT FUN. But I can save that bloated rent check and use it for ESSENTIALS. Plus I won’t have to look at his stupid incompetent crazy as all hell face. It took a dog, Red, to bring out his true colors. Thirteen years I’ve been living here. Well, I can tell you one thing - I’m not cleaning nothing, dusting nothing, when I leave with my shoulder bag, I will be gone. So he will have to clean it, re-rent it, and deal with all the worthless shit I left behind.

[Thompson]

I did brace him about his parking. I said, “Look at the tableau. You do this every time. Nobody can park in front and nobody can park in back. All you have to do is scoot up or scoot back a little to make room for another parking space. But you take pleasure in that, fucking the next guy, don’t ya? You do the shit you do on purpose to ‘stick it to the next guy.’”

Now he’s got a dog he is trying to impose his own will on. That could backfire. I owned a mean dog. A dangerous mean dog. He liked me fine because I fed him, walked him, and left him alone. I let him be his own dog and we got along fine. But Landlord might cross the line and Red just might bite him.

[oettinger]

Did you ever consider that your Landlord is just a shitty driver. Doesn`t excuse him, but just a thought

[scream ale]

Shitty parker too.