Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

[Thompson]

And then there is God. What a cruel bastard he is. Everybody he touches he makes them suffer. His son he made suffer. His son was a nice enough guy, but he made him suffer the most. Why? Because God gets a kick out of suffering, that’s why .

[Thompson]

Do you believe in God Thompson?

I sure do. He makes everybody suffer. He gets a kick out of it, floats his boat.

[Thompson]

I would like to know why God does that, make people suffer. Well, I already know why, because it gives him a kick. But why do these people turn around and sing his praises? Do people like to suffer? No, I can’t believe that. Nobody likes to suffer, nobody.

[Thompson]

Well then, what’s the deal?

I’m thinnin’ on it. It has to do with pleasure and pain. I’ve spoken before about pain, and how you don’t remember it. It must be that God gives pleasure. You remember pleasure. You forget pain and remember pleasure. That is a fact of life. But I don’t get the pleasure part. If I send my one thousand dollar check in to the ministry I’m supposed to feel pleasure? If I go to church on Sunday and read the Bible I’m supposed to feel pleasure? You see, that’s where God fucks you up. He makes you think you should feel pleasure, so because you believe in God you believe in all this corn shit he is telling you, so you feel pleasure. You smile. You wag your tail if you are a dog.

[Thompson]

No no no. I’ve missed the bus. You seen them ministry shows? Mostly black people. The guys are all skinny and the girls are all fat. They all sing. Not that good but they clap their hands and praise Jesus. So they hook up, the guys and girls, after the ministry show, that’s when they get down to some pleasure. You remember pleasure.

[Thompson]

Oh Hugh, I wanted to tell you that the version of Hey Joe by Willy DeVille has a karaoke youtube. In case you get sick or can’t make it to karaoke night I might could sing that one. I would like to sing (in response to I heard you shot your old lady down) Yes I did, I shot her down.

[Thompson]

That’s what I’m trying to get Chester to understand. The female is not the weakest or the underdog. You have to go in with teeth flashing and saliva dripping. Tomorrow is one hundred dollars to the winner. We need that. I’m not saying you have to kill her, but you have to make her cry Uncle.

[Thompson]

God is a fucking asshole. He came down and plugged poor Mary probly more than once, we’re not privy to that. And then she had baby Jesus. She was a virgin though because God said so. He raped her and then covered it up. That’s the way God works. If I was Joseph I would have gotten the shotgun and shot him in the head.

[Thompson]

Well I feel good about the dog fight tomorrow. Chester’s head seems in a good place, and the wind is blowing from the west. A westerly. Looks like rain, but you never know. Could rain two blocks over but never rain on you.

I don’t see how any dog is going to beat Chester. He/She would have to come on him sudden like and kill him while he’s drinking some water. That’s unlikely .

I’ve noticed that he just hangs back at first, gets them shark eyes staring, and lets the other dog make the first move. Once the other dog makes the first move, just forget it, the dog fight is over. I don’t want him to kill other dogs, but you know.

So far he’s gotten a couple head bites, and a bloody nose, but he feels fit it looks to me. This girl dog tomorrow is not going to be easy. She’s a Pitt bull too and big.

[Thompson]

So today I had a total of one slice of rye bread with butter and one piece of cheese, it was sorta fancy, a Gouda cheese already sliced, that’s it. I could have filled up a Mobile Gas station with the amount of gas. Then l was told to shut up. Sometimes I talk without sound but there is sound because I think I’m talking to myself and I don’t realize I’m making sound. I could pull my tongue out I guess. Have to use the pliers. So I don’t know what’s happening. I’m talking to myself without sound but I’m making sound, I’m talking out loud. Then I eat a simple piece of bread and a small slice of cheese and bloat up and cut a hundred and twenty farts. There’s a big dog fight later today and I have to be on my toes, but I’ll probably be drunk instead.

[Thompson]

Big Bertha is her name, the dog Chester is fighting today for the one hundred dollar reward money. She weighs in at 205 pounds. Chester weighs in at 172 pounds. He’s lost some weight since he’s been in training. But he’s sharp, and fast, and with it. Bertha looks sluggish and slow. But weight plays a role for sure. They introduced themselves to each other and retreated to their prospective corners.

[Thompson]

Chester knew right away he wasn’t going to kill her. That’s a bad thought to have in a dog fight. But Chester played and fought by his own rules. He decided, not some pseudo dog owner.

They squared off in the ring. Chester was waiting for Big Bertha to make the first move. Bertha didn’t make no move. Chester blinked his eyes. Bertha blinked her eyes back. They both showed some teeth. Chester circled around Bertha and studied her behind. Good God, he said to himself, I wouldn’t mind some of that.

Bertha sensed that and wriggled her behind a tiny.

That’s when Chester made his move. He grabbed her face and pretended to rip it off. Bertha grabbed Chester’s face and pretended to rip it off. They did that for awhile. Then Chester got those shark eyes of his and went behind Big Bertha again, and started in.

Bertha made sweet eyes.

Anyway, the fight was declared a draw, and both dog owners got fifty bucks. The fans in the stands were thrilled. What a fight, they said when they got back home.

[Thompson]

Why don’t you talk to me?

Well when somebody tells me to Shut Up! Hey, that’s what I do. I wouldn’t talk to you if the house was on fire. I don’t like you. Why should I talk to you?

I’m your wife.

Oh, you gonna play that card? Do you think for a minute I give a Fuck about a wife? C’mon, certainly you know me better than that. But maybe not. I guess you feel entitled. I’m supposed to talk to you when you want me to talk to you and the rest of the time I’m supposed to Shut Up? You told me you were making eggs and grits for breakfast. Forgot about that did ya? Your brain is on the bad side today is it?

[Thompson]

It doesn’t matter one way or the other.

Big Bertha wound up in the back yard with Chester. I guess she got loose, I don’t know. Oh Fuck, I said to myself, now I gotta feed Bertha? I can feel the money leaking out of my pockets.

Wait now, I said to myself without sound, what if we form a team, and fight as a dog fighting tag team. Shit man, we’ll make all kinds of money.

[Thompson]

But Bertha got pregnant and Chester didn’t want her fighting no more. They lived in the back yard and shared the dog house. Chester would fight by himself on Wednesdays and usually come out the winner. That brought some money in.