Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

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Thompson
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Re: Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

Post by Thompson »

Neither do you, so don’t give me that shit.

You’re not strong enough to make it. You are a weakling.

I am not a weakling!

You smell like a weakling.

I enrolled in Thompson’s course How to Make It 102.

You did?

Yes, and I got accepted to the class. I got enrolled.

Well bully for you. You know your zipper is down? You look stupid with your zipper down.
‘Talk is cheap, whiskey costs money.’ — Harry Caray

Thompson
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Re: Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

Post by Thompson »

Say, did you hear Badfellow is being tossed out as moderator?

No.

Yes, he hasn’t reached his moderator responsibilities.

What are those?

I don’t know.
‘Talk is cheap, whiskey costs money.’ — Harry Caray

Thompson
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Location: New Orleans

Re: Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

Post by Thompson »

No I don’t think Badfellow can be kicked out of moderator.

Why not?

I’m not sure.

Why is that?

Jesus fuck alter ego what is with all the double talk?

I don’t know, I’m sorry. Can you feel that piercing pain in your gut?

Yes.
‘Talk is cheap, whiskey costs money.’ — Harry Caray

Thompson
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Re: Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

Post by Thompson »

I put that pain there to show you.

Well thanks the fuck for that.

You’re welcome. Wanna get some Maid Rite sandwiches?

I do, yes.

How do you like ‘em?

On a bun, how do you like ‘em?

On a bun.

Should we get a couple milk shakes?

Let’s get malted milk shakes.

Yes, I always get root beer.

I forgot what I always get.

Try the root beer then.

Okay, I will, I’m going with the root beer malted, medium, with a straw and a spoon and I’d like some change for the juke box.
‘Talk is cheap, whiskey costs money.’ — Harry Caray

Thompson
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Re: Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

Post by Thompson »

What about some burgers? Or hot dogs?

Okay, how ‘bout one burger and one hot dog?

No, you don’t mix burgers and dogs, are you crazy?

Why not?

You just don’t.

How many burgers you think you can eat?

On a bun?

Yeah, on a bun.

Two. I can eat two burgers on a bun.

I can eat three hot dogs on a bun.

With mustard?

I think so.

What kind of hot dogs do you eat?

Regular hot dogs. The label says hot dogs.

They aren’t those vegetarian hot dogs are they?

No, what the fuck are those?

Never mind. What about hamburgers? You don’t get those veggie burgers do ya?

No, are you insane? If I want a vegetable I will usually go with a slab of squash or the lima beans.
‘Talk is cheap, whiskey costs money.’ — Harry Caray

Thompson
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Re: Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

Post by Thompson »

Man, I got this terrible pain in my arm/shoulder. I’ve been thinking about cutting it off. I could do it you know, I’ve got the tools.

What pisses me off even more are all these specks that are on the phone. Crumbs I guess. Since I never eat anything that doesn’t fly, the crumbs. It must be tobacco crumbs or the weed that falls out my little pipe because I am not paying attention. That’s what it is. I’ve been wondering where all the reefer went to. Now I know, it went on the chair, all the fallen out unsmoked uncut and everything good spilled out on the chair.
‘Talk is cheap, whiskey costs money.’ — Harry Caray

Thompson
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Location: New Orleans

Re: Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

Post by Thompson »

Now I feel sick. Isn’t that something new. I keep pissing my pants and taking them off and now I don’t have any drawers to put on. No long underwear to put on. No nothing. No pants. So that’s the way it goes . I would imagine when I end up under the overpass it will be even worse. I’ll Have to shit in a plastic bag and wipe my butt with my hand because I can’t afford toilet paper.
‘Talk is cheap, whiskey costs money.’ — Harry Caray

Thompson
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Re: Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

Post by Thompson »

Oh it gets worse. You can’t afford no soap so you can’t wash your hand after you take a shit, remember there is no toilet paper.
‘Talk is cheap, whiskey costs money.’ — Harry Caray

Thompson
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Re: Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

Post by Thompson »

So let’s see, where was the bus? It was on (or in) the road. And that’s where The Beatles got that song “Why don’t we do it in the road? Nobody will be watching us, why don’t we do it in the road?
‘Talk is cheap, whiskey costs money.’ — Harry Caray

Thompson
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Re: Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

Post by Thompson »

So when you go into the insane asylum and they ask you the question of What time is it? And you say you don’t know because you don’t.

Then the doctor says It is seven o’clock.

This is where they get you, fellow drunkards and mind readers.

If you say, well you can say a couple of things, but I say it’s saven in the morning. And I would be Wrong! All of the doctors and other alcoholics would come flying out the wood work to kick my ass.

Ouch.

The point is, if indeed there ever is a point, is the time. You fucked up the brains of the other dudes when you said seven in the morning but it was really seven at night
‘Talk is cheap, whiskey costs money.’ — Harry Caray

Thompson
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Re: Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

Post by Thompson »

Test it out yourself. The next time you go into a bar ask the bartender, What time is it?

He or she will tell you the time.

Then, if you reply, Is that AM or PM, you probably will get thrown out.
‘Talk is cheap, whiskey costs money.’ — Harry Caray

Thompson
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Re: Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

Post by Thompson »

Oh yeah, that’s want I wanted to say, It always looks darkest before it turns pitch black.
‘Talk is cheap, whiskey costs money.’ — Harry Caray

Thompson
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Re: Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

Post by Thompson »

Also I wanted to relate that last night two different
neighbors came over and banged on the door.

The door is open , I said, you have to push it. It sticks.

What is going on here, said the first neighbor.

Nothing is going on, I said.

What’s with all these moans and string of cuss words?

I was just saying what was on my mind.

You wait right there Thompson, don’t move, I’m calling the ambulance.
‘Talk is cheap, whiskey costs money.’ — Harry Caray

Thompson
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Posts: 1907
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Location: New Orleans

Re: Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

Post by Thompson »

So the doctor told me I had to learn to mumble, the lower the better. If people ask you to repeat yourself you just mumble even lower and pretty soon nobody is asking you any more questions.
‘Talk is cheap, whiskey costs money.’ — Harry Caray

Thompson
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Re: Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

Post by Thompson »

So for a quick review of time let’s say you wake up and see the clock says 9. But it’s dark, that means it is 9 at night. Now if you wake up and the clock says 2 and it is light out, that means it’s two in the afternoon, not in the morning.
‘Talk is cheap, whiskey costs money.’ — Harry Caray

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