The Hole

[oettinger]

You better open tonight or


this kid has to do shots with me at Shit Talkers!

[oettinger]

Candle night with Artful D,

[Artful Drunktective]

Candle night with Artful D,

'Twas a pleasant night indeed. Including the 3-way with Mistah!

[Dear Booze]

Candle night with Artful D,

'Twas a pleasant night indeed. Including the 3-way with Mistah!

You three better not have messed up the place!

[Dear Booze]

MOTHERS DAY AT THE HOLE

MOTHERS DAY IS SPECIAL. And as our way of paying trubute those who have sacraficed their lady parts, wiped our noses and asses, drove us to baseball practice, packed our lunch, and bailed us out of jail, we have a special day planned here at America's favorite tavern.

All day, today only all mom's are welcome to enjoy our
7 WAYS TO SAY "THANKS" TO MOM party.

1: NO KIDS ALLOWED
Yes, today only, all those under the age of 21 will not be allowed inside The Hole. Let your mom get shiftfaced in peace.

2: PRE-FIXE DRINK MENU
We are proud to offer a one-price-fits-all menu of our signature food and drink pairings and special desserts that mom will love. Try our delicious sardine platter with Mexican Hooker cocktail; roasted bread and Blended Bloody Irishman; and barbecue chips with room temperature Miller Lite. And be sure to save room for some left over wedding cake, curtousy of the Nusbaum/Rodriguez-gone-wrong shindig from last Thursday afternoon at the courthouse.

3: ALL MOMS GET LAID

4: SHOW YOUR TITS FOR A FREE BOWL OF SOUP

5: ALL MOMS GET A FREE GIFT
All moms should feel great on their special day So we are proud to offer a free fresh cut rose and personalized photo*

6: LIVE ENTERTAINMENT
Diva Bitch is coming out of retirement to perform free lap dances. Remember, she "dos'nt do guy's"

7: CLEANING CONTEST
Let's see who the best mom really is. Enter the cleaning contest for an entry fee of only $12

* Limited to first three (3) patrons. Customer must supply their own camera.

[Badfellow]

Please note,
Any moms not claimed from the lost & found bin will be discarded at the end of the day.

[Lush City]

Here's the deal, you are probably too fucked up right now to understand that a larger part of this thread includes what is known as the 'memory hole'. That's all the shit you experienced and don't remember. So, I'm here to remind you that you have been abducted and programmed to drink yourselves into oblivion. So don't think it's all your fault. These alien reptilians are jumping for joy.

[Dear Booze]

MEMORIAL DAY BENDER AT THE HOLE

Memorial Day is just seven days away. So why not start now? The Hole is proud to host the first annual week-long Memorial Day event that you will not remember.

Day 1: Shot for Those Who Were Shot.
Memorial Day is a special time when we remember those who died while serving in our country's armed forces. And there is no better way of paying homage than to say a prayer and down a shot for each and every person who made the ultimate sacrifice that allows us to call in sick and get drunk.

Drink specials include:
Old Grand Dad Shots: $17
Sailor Jerry and Water: $12
PBR Pitchers: Market Price

Call ahead to reserve room on the floor.

[Lush City]

So is that like a free shot for every Purple Heart or a bottle for a Silver Star? What to give for Congressional Medal of Honor?

[Dear Booze]

The MEMORIAL DAY BENDER AT THE HOLE continues.

We are sorry for the slight hiccup in maintaining our stock of bottles of top shelf, call and well liquor. It seems some smart-ass had the bright idea of giving away free shots for every soldier who earned the Purple Heart and a bottle for a Silver Star. Who knew how many of those things are out there? We are thankful for the sound decision to ignore the suggestion of giving away bar furniture and cash for each Congressional Medal of Honor winner.

Moving on, tonight is movie night at The Hole. We will be showing our favorite war movies including All Quiet on the Western Front, starring that guy with the mole on his face who played John Boy Walton, Tora Tora Tora, starring Jason Robards and a bunch of Japanese people, and Goonies.

Drink specials include cocktails named after places where the inhabitants got their asses handed to them by the USA.

Kamikaze Shooter: $42.50
Radler: $490.03
Corona: $17.43

[oettinger]

and Goonies... hahahaha Corey Feldman. The shit I hate thread will be updated soon

[Dear Booze]

MEMORIAL DAY BENDER AT THE HOLE

TODAY'S AGENDA:

Veterans, kids and Mexicans drink free between 9:00am and 9:08am.

Stick around for the afternoon water balloon fight and heavy petting zoo.

At 8:00pm, you will not want to miss the World Famous All You Can Eat and All You Can Shit contest. Here are the details: Participants weigh in on a scale before chowing down on a day old sampler platter from North India Elephant Temple. Each participant has 20 minutes to eat as much as they can. They will then weigh in again. At 10:00pm, each participant will be required to take a shit and then weigh in again. There will be no winners or losers. We just want to see if our customers will do all these things.

[Lush City]

MEMORIAL DAY BENDER AT THE HOLE

TODAY'S AGENDA:

...

Remember those that died. Even for illegal wars, we must honor the fighting instincts of the men that saw a call to duty. Yeah, they were lied to and abused when they claimed VA health benefits. They had their firearms confiscated if they were treated for PTSD by the VA.
Let's all raise a toast! Hopefully they will all rally against the globalists and there will be no more dumb wars. Don't expect any elected leader to do this, although Trump is making some feeble progress in that direction.

[Dear Booze]

MEMORIAL DAY BENDER AT THE HOLE

It's Memorial Day, and there's no better way to say thank you to those who paid the ultimate sacrifice to ensure our freedoms than to take advantage of everything this country has to offer. So tonight, The Hole is proud to offer free chemotherapy sessions to all patrons. Remember, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

[Dear Booze]

Tonight, The Hole is proud to bring you a free legal seminar brought to you by the Sharia Law Firm.

What to Do When You’ve Been Hurt in a Drunk Accident

Drunk accidents are extremely frightening, even if you have suffered only minor injuries or just property damage. It can be difficult to think straight or logically when you are hammered, and that is completely understandable. However, there are a few things that you should do right after a drunk accident if you are physically able to do so. Committing these steps to memory will help you, but you will probably forget them. You can also print them on your arm with a sharpie as a handy reference.

Leave the scene of any accident.
Most state laws requires that you report an accident that involves damages of more than $1,000 or if anyone is hurt or killed. Failing to make this report can result in a charge that could result in jail time. If you leave the scene of an accident without talking to the other party involved, you could face this same charge as well. But if you are reasonable sure you can get away with it, by all means, flee the scene.

Ensure that you and your friends are unharmed.
Your health and safety is the most important thing you want to think about after an accident. Remember, if they are alive, get them to flee with you.

Never call the police.
Even if your best friend is dead, it is never a good idea to call the police. The police will create a report of the incident which may be harmful later. If your friend is dead, a police report will not bring him or her back.

Exchange information with the other driver.
If you are in a car accident, exchanging information with the other driver is not only polite, it can help you gain valuable knowledge about the driver and his or her insurance company. You should collect the following information:

Phone numbers
Names
Insurance information
Driver’s license number
License plate number

Remember to give the other driver completely false information.