One night only... Honor the heroic sacrifices of our fallen Irish servicemen as The Hole transforms itself into
Mister Irish Name’s Public House
We’ve got everything you need to start your week off with a crippling hangover:
Neon green glow-in-the-dark necklaces
Green sugary frozen cocktails
Stupid fucking hats
Foam
Flat light green beer served in our giant collectible souvenir cups with a built-in neck strap that will make it impossible to not spill
Tons of fucking limes
Party ‘till the break of 10:00 P.M. on Mister Irish Name’s incredibly small dance floor.
Dry-hump the night away to the shitty musical stylings of DJ Wigger before you realize the “lady” you’ve been grinding your genitals into is actually a dude named Steve from Tempe Arizona.
Don't forget to leave your bar tab open so you'll have to stumble back to The Hole in the morning.
The Hole presents St Patrick’s Week Charity Booze Drive. Bring a new, unopened bottle of booze and get in free before noon.
Enter our drawing for a chance to throw out the first punch at 12:00 A.M. Friday morning.
Music by DJ Paddy O'Furniture
Don’t forget to visit our world-famous back alley, known for a fresh coat of urine every 24-hours, and where 83% of our patrons’ pregnancies start and end.
Nothing says Luck O’ the Irish quite like free cocktails provided by the Florida Department of Tourism and Travel.
That’s right, the FDoT&T has given us a healthy sum of money for the use of The Hole this evening for their Timeshare Show and Tell event. Our loss is your gain. Simply show up and enjoy a four-hour-long slide show and an even longer hard sale from a slick Puerto Rican named Gene. The best part about it is they will get you loaded. But don’t worry there is no obligation to buy anything.
Just like the holy trinity depicted in the form of a shamrock, the third day of celebration of St Paddy's week at The Hole should be revered. It's Sunday, after all. So we will feature a guest bartender. Father Stephan Bell, from Our Lady of Perpetual Motion will be on hand to help prepare cocktails fit for the masiah. All gratuities will support the OLPM NAMBLA chapter.
So how about St. Alphonso's pancake breakfast? What about those four leafed shamrocks, are they heretics?
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
Father Jerry Atrick, Senior Vicar of Our Lady of Clay will begin today’s festivities with a special message regarding expelling of evil fluids from the body of Christ, focusing on the holy trinity of urine, feces and vomit. Immediately following the service, patrons will be encouraged to make their way to the den of heathens known as Shit Talkers Bar & Grill to piss, shit and vomit in their brand new ice machine. It's the Christian thing to do.
Once back at The Hole, party will begin. And what a party we have in store for you! It’s a full afternoon and evening of activities and fun super drunkard drunken drinking.
Planned activities include full-contact ring toss, bare knuckle backgammon, and Greco Roman style Parcheesi.
3:00: Famed musicians Cat Mandu and Old Black Waters will lead us in a special rendition of O’ Danny Boy on their respective tuba and jews harp.
4:00: Bowling for pussy
5:00: Bladder Busters Contest. All doors will be locked and all patrons will be forced to drink shitty light beer until everyone pisses in their pants.
6:00: Friends of Bill W.
7:00: Shaquille O'Neal film festival. Films include Blue Chips, Kazaam, Steel, Freddy Got Fingered, Jack and Jill, and Scary Movie 4.
8:00: Impromptu dirge singing. Get ready for the unplanned singing of songs such as Requiescat, Bread and Music, The Last Rose of Summer, American Pie, and There Once Was a Man from Nantucket. Sign up and be ready to start at 8:00 SHARP! No exceptions.
9:00: Finger banging.
10:00: Tony Robbins motivational seminar. Learn to be a badass by walking on blazing hot motherfucking coals.
11:00: Home improvement workshop. Learn painting, plumbing, and electrical skills by participating in this informative DIY activity. Join your fellow St Patrick’s day fuckfaces as we remodel The Hole.
Midnight: St Patrick's day is officially here. So get the fuck out. The owners of The Hole do not recognize this stupid "Amateur Drinkers'" holiday
Hey, uh, me and my buddies are friggin buzzed off all this green light beer we been chugging all day since an hour ago, so, wazzzzzup Modern Drunkard Mazagine!
HA!
I made my mark
see you next year dooooods!
*umm, what time is the finger bang again? My buddies with the green face paint shamrocks want to get a finger wet, but me, I could use some cash*
