Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

[Thompson]

I’ll fix it Hugh, don’t you worry. I’m a bit on the punk right now but I expect to bounce back.

[Thompson]

And you didn’t fuck anything up. It was all fucked up to begin with. All we were trying to do was unfuck it a little.

[Hugh]

Teel them my teeth are fucked up like a motherfucker. blood coming out all over the place. Hurts like hell.

[Thompson]

Use the toothache shit but the trick is to squirt it on a cotton ball generously then chew and suck on the cotton ball.

As far as blood, never ever floss.

[Thompson]

Haven’t eaten in three days. Can’t get off the couch, well I can, but then I fall down and can’t breathe and it takes well over an hour to catch my breath. What truly amazes me is the amount of shit in the intestine. No way was there any more shit in there, impossible, it’s just gas, it’s just a fart. Yeah right, there is nothing to be done now, I cannot make it to clean this up. It will just have to live down there until later. I am out of beer, not that I could possibly walk to the fridge to get one. But my teeth ain’t bloody and in fucking pain so I lie here and count my blessings— 1, 2, and that’s about it.

[oettinger]

Haven’t eaten in three days. Can’t get off the couch, well I can, but then I fall down and can’t breathe and it takes well over an hour to catch my breath. What truly amazes me is the amount of shit in the intestine. No way was there any more shit in there, impossible, it’s just gas, it’s just a fart. Yeah right, there is nothing to be done now, I cannot make it to clean this up. It will just have to live down there until later. I am out of beer, not that I could possibly walk to the fridge to get one. But my teeth ain’t bloody and in fucking pain so I lie here and count my blessings— 1, 2, and that’s about it.

Your collons try to rebuild the mess you make all the time. That`s what you are shitting out mostly.


Damn what a disgusting post of mine. On another note: you two would be funny roommates to visit one day. I`m not even sure if I`d like it or hate it

[Thompson]

Open up Thompson!
Who is it?
The police.
What now?
I said Open up!
The door is open, all the police know that.
Where were you tonight?
On the toilet.
I don’t see a toilet.
It’s over there.
That looks like a bucket.
I was on the bucket then.
You live here alone?
No there are mice.
We got a complaint.
How surprising.
A noise complaint.
No!
Yes! Are you sick?
Why?
Because you look sick.
I have some pains now and then.
How much you weigh?
I have no idea?
Well your neighbors are not happy.
Because of my screams?
Because of your screams, sure.
I’ve been practicing the silent scream.
Not going so good?
No.

[Thompson]

Open up Thompson!
Who is it?
The police!

What is this, some kind of loop? You know fucking well the door is open. Is this some kind of psychological trick to make me think my marbles are falling out my head? In fact I just saw two marbles thump down on the floor and roll under the chair.

No, this is your wake up call.

Jesus, I’ve been trying to get some sleep. We are not on the same wavelength. I’m going to eat a bunch of this powdered Kratom and see what that brings.

[Nausea]

Open up, Police!
Who is it?
It's Thompson!

What is this, some kind of alternate universe?

[Thompson]

I want to tell you drunk people about depends for men. They work! I could not get up this morning to piss in the bucket. Kept falling back into the couch. You have to stand up to piss in the bucket because you have to pull down your diaper. You can’t get the diaper off sitting on the couch. Well, fuck it, I said, and emptied all the piss into the diaper. The depends for men soaked it all up, not a leak, just soaked it up slick as a whistle. I wouldn’t leave the couch without one myself.

[Thompson]

I also want to mention before I can’t mention anything anymore that when confronted with a choice of brands when purchasing ice cream sandwiches, go with Fat Boy ice cream sandwiches.

[oettinger]

I want to tell you drunk people about depends for men. They work! I could not get up this morning to piss in the bucket. Kept falling back into the couch. You have to stand up to piss in the bucket because you have to pull down your diaper. You can’t get the diaper off sitting on the couch. Well, fuck it, I said, and emptied all the piss into the diaper. The depends for men soaked it all up, not a leak, just soaked it up slick as a whistle. I wouldn’t leave the couch without one myself.

I tried them for fun once. I made sure to drink a LOT of beer beforehand. I was very sceptical about it and let it flow standing in the shower. A wise choice it was. The pee came out from all corners

[Thompson]

The thing with the diaper is after you piss all in it you are supposed to take that one off and put a clean one on. You are not supposed to lie around with the dirty diaper on for two days wondering what the hell that smell is.

[oettinger]

I didn`t know that

[Thompson]

I didn`t know that

That’s why there is Thompson’s theories of diet and health.