Baseball

DICKTRON · Post by **DICKTRON** » Wed Aug 13, 2003 2:32 pm

I like going to baseball games now a days. Used to hate it when it was on TV, but, since moving to Cleveland, I'm rather fond of it. Two things I've learned over the years:

Get loaded before and after the game--there's a wealth of reasonably priced bars around the Jake in Cleveland (reasonable, not cheap). I'll usually have a couple of shots at home, take the train downtown (that's one good thing about where I live), hit a bar or two, and be nice and toasty by the time I head into the stadium. Now, it does wear off after a few innings, but, already loaded, I can tolerate the stadium swill that they serve. Plus the Jake has a stand where they sell Great Lakes (expensive, but one or two ain't bad). By the time the games over, time to hit the bars on the way out.

Find a friend with a loge. While there's a certain romance to being a bleacher bum, the loge is a drunkard baseball fan's best friend. My friend's company has a loge at the stadium, and he gets the use of it several times a year. Fully stocked bar and fridge. All free, as is the food (well, the company pays for it). Out of gin? Call up the loge attendant, 5 minutes later, a fresh bottle. Last time I was there, we wiped out the bar and the fridge. Plus you can keep drinking until the end of the game. And, security tends to leave you alone as you walk out of the loge level. thus enabling you to fix yourself a nice drink for the walk out of the stadium, to fortify yourself for the 2 block walk to the bar.

Frankennietzsche · Post by **Frankennietzsche** » Wed Aug 13, 2003 2:40 pm

Lucky bastard!

One for the Frog · Post by **One for the Frog** » Wed Aug 13, 2003 2:55 pm

Yeah, I could watch some baseball after all.

Libation · Post by **Libation** » Wed Aug 13, 2003 3:10 pm

right on Dicktron, we were in a buddy's company's loge last week at the Jake. Never-ending beer, a pitcher of margarita's fortified with some extra 1800 from a seperate bottle, and a full cabinet of anything else. Plus dogs and wings and all that. But if it aint a loge, Lucky's got some valid points about the "commoner's" experience.

Libation · Post by **Libation** » Wed Aug 13, 2003 3:16 pm

PS if you want cheap before the game, Dick, hit the Ontario Lounge. No yuppies, always packed with downtown's laborers but you can always find a seat. They always play a movie (some adventure or western) with those dialouge boxes so you can pound and watch, then stagger off to the ballpark

DICKTRON · Post by **DICKTRON** » Wed Aug 13, 2003 3:22 pm

Libation wrote:PS if you want cheap before the game, Dick, hit the Ontario Lounge. No yuppies, always packed with downtown's laborers but you can always find a seat. They always play a movie (some adventure or western) with those dialouge boxes so you can pound and watch, then stagger off to the ballpark

Where is that exactly? I'm heading down Friday, that'd beat the usual Winking Lizard stop (not exactly cheap, but great selection).

DICKTRON · Post by **DICKTRON** » Wed Aug 13, 2003 3:25 pm

Frankennietzsche wrote:Lucky bastard!

Not sure if it's luck, or the result of a rather unbecoming prejudice I have--I don't generally associate with non-drunkards. Which means that any social event, be it a baseball game, christening, funeral, band practice, or stopping by to borrow a power tool, generally has a 3 drink minimum.

Much like the old joke about Lutherans--whenever there are four or more of us gathered, there is always a fifth.

LuckyStrikes · Post by **LuckyStrikes** » Wed Aug 13, 2003 7:06 pm

DICKTRON wrote:
Frankennietzsche wrote:Lucky bastard!
Not sure if it's luck, or the result of a rather unbecoming prejudice I have--I don't generally associate with non-drunkards. Which means that any social event, be it a baseball game, christening, funeral, band practice, or stopping by to borrow a power tool, generally has a 3 drink minimum.

I agree. But even if the others gathered don't belong to my tribe, I still drink up. Gives them something to talk about the next day.

fdoosey · Post by **fdoosey** » Wed Aug 13, 2003 8:39 pm

LuckyStrikes wrote:I won't use the women's restroom after I master pissing standing up. The men's restrooms never have lines. And yes, I will look.

My dear, if you can accomplish that, please teach other women so that they may spend less than 10 minutes in there peeing. And maybe use less than 1/4 roll of TP each time.

LuckyStrikes · Post by **LuckyStrikes** » Wed Aug 13, 2003 9:13 pm

fdoosey wrote:
LuckyStrikes wrote:I won't use the women's restroom after I master pissing standing up. The men's restrooms never have lines. And yes, I will look.
My dear, if you can accomplish that, please teach other women so that they may spend less than 10 minutes in there peeing. And maybe use less than 1/4 roll of TP each time.

Toilet paper!! That's another gripe about stadiums, they never have any.
I hate, I mean hate, drip dry.

Men need to use more toilet paper. We have the quantity of paper needed down to a science.

fdoosey · Post by **fdoosey** » Wed Aug 13, 2003 9:18 pm

Without getting into vulgar specifics, I can use about 10% of what the Mrs. does.

She claims it's messy...isn't that what the soap by the sink is for?

I'm referring more to home use. I try my best not to drop a deuce in a public building. Even at work we have pigs who don't realize the toilet doesn't flush itself. Makes me want to go to their house and drop a loaf in the middle of their Thanksgiving dinner.

"Gee, dad, is that fat guy making stuffing on the table?"

"No, boy, but I am baking brownies!"

Yarrrgh!

Palinka (RIP) · Post by **Palinka (RIP)** » Wed Aug 13, 2003 9:38 pm

Well, there goes the neighbourhood.

LuckyStrikes · Post by **LuckyStrikes** » Wed Aug 13, 2003 9:42 pm

fdoosey wrote:Without getting into vulgar specifics, I can use about 10% of what the Mrs. does.

She claims it's messy...isn't that what the soap by the sink is for?

I'm referring more to home use. I try my best not to drop a deuce in a public building. Even at work we have pigs who don't realize the toilet doesn't flush itself. Makes me want to go to their house and drop a loaf in the middle of their Thanksgiving dinner.

"Gee, dad, is that fat guy making stuffing on the table?"

"No, boy, but I am baking brownies!"

Yarrrgh!

fdoosey's brownies. Good thing I don't have a sweet tooth!

You can't do the job with a few squares. You have to totally eliminate your skin from the process. This requires 'wrapping'. We mummify our hands with toilet paper, then we proceed.

One for the Frog · Post by **One for the Frog** » Thu Aug 14, 2003 2:27 am

LuckyStrikes wrote:
Men need to use more toilet paper. We have the quantity of paper needed down to a science.

It doesn't matter.
Like in an old Hungarian saying:

You shake it in vain,
You beat it in vain,
The last drop won't drain.

(Well actually it sais the last drop will bleed in your pants anyway, but then, that would kill the rhyme, wouldn't it?)

Thee Totaller · Post by **Thee Totaller** » Thu Aug 14, 2003 7:13 am

no matter how you shake and dance
the last three drops land in your pants