Ask Savage

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Patchez
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Patchez »

Dear Savage,

How does one go about getting a urine stain out of a pair of white Chucks? Seems my aim is a bit off when I get really snot-slinging drunk.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider

Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice

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Artful Drunktective
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Artful Drunktective »

Patchez wrote:
Wed Dec 29, 2021 10:46 am
Dear Savage,

How does one go about getting a urine stain out of a pair of white Chucks? Seems my aim is a bit off when I get really snot-slinging drunk.
I hope you are a better aim when you are wearing flip-flops.
Okole maluna!

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scream ale
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by scream ale »

Savage why does my DVD player randomly refuse to play certain discs and not others? Even stranger it will play the first two discs of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia season 5 but not the third and final disc. Is it Satan? Is it because of my impure thoughts at night? Did someone from the board put a curse on it?

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oettinger
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by oettinger »

scream ale wrote:
Sat Jan 15, 2022 6:38 pm
Did someone from the board put a curse on it?
No
Drink!
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Mr Boozificator
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Mr Boozificator »

Dear Savage, how are you and can I marry at least two of your daughters?
A mysterious stranger.
"I never want to go to bed if there are still beers in the fridge, but then I am always hopeful that there are beers left in there when I wake up.". Thirstydrunk.

"We all look for happiness, but without knowing where to find it: like drunkards who look for their house, knowing dimly that they have one." Voltaire

"The prince of darkness is a gentleman." Shakespeare.

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Savage
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Savage »

Patchez wrote:
Wed Dec 29, 2021 10:46 am
Dear Savage,

How does one go about getting a urine stain out of a pair of white Chucks? Seems my aim is a bit off when I get really snot-slinging drunk.
Well, I don't worry about such things, because I don't have to. Have you considered dying them black? Then drop some silver glitter over them.
like tears in rain

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Savage
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Savage »

Mr Boozificator wrote:
Sun Mar 13, 2022 12:02 pm
Dear Savage, how are you and can I marry at least two of your daughters?
A mysterious stranger.
Are you serious, old fart? My steppies are in their forties; the eldest girl's eldest has a son who is a United States Marine. Her younger sister is the mother of three, then my eldest birthed one has boys in high school. The baby has two young children. Oh, and the boy has a daughter who is planning on joining the Marines when she graduates, so I guess she and/or her dad would kick your ass. Why aren't you married? You seem like a nice fellow. Aren't you a French Marine? You should have to beat the ladies off with a stick.
like tears in rain

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Savage
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Savage »

scream ale wrote:
Sat Jan 15, 2022 6:38 pm
Savage why does my DVD player randomly refuse to play certain discs and not others? Even stranger it will play the first two discs of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia season 5 but not the third and final disc. Is it Satan? Is it because of my impure thoughts at night? Did someone from the board put a curse on it?
My first thought was that your machine was refusing to play Christmas Vacation. We have replaced that DVD three times. Every holiday season, we hold our breaths until we get through the log truck scene. I have found that dogs will not chase a thrown DVD. They hold out for a real Frisbee. However, you are having trouble with a different movie. Yes, it is Satan. No, you are maybe a little bit disgusting, but not a bad person. Satan is just an asshole. On Christmas night, leave out a bottle of whiskey cut with holy water. And some stale Oreos. The kind with gross and weird filling.

--sorry. I'm thinking of Santa. Don't be mean to Santa.
like tears in rain

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Badfellow
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Badfellow »

Dear Savage,

Is there any relation between Randy Quaid, Dennis Quaid and quaaludes? And how does this relate to pre-Colombian culture?

Sincerely,
Professor Badfellow
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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Savage
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Savage »

Badfellow wrote:
Tue Mar 22, 2022 5:21 pm
Dear Savage,
are
Is there any relation between Randy Quaid, Dennis Quaid and quaaludes? And how does this relate to pre-Colombian culture?

Sincerely,
Professor Badfellow
Deep in the heart of the Venezuelan jungle, there is a cave, with a statue of Randy Quaid as Cousin Eddy, covered in blood. Heaped in front of it are offerings of fruit, fried eggs, and packets of ketchup, taken from explorers foolish enough to try to befriend the locals. No one knows why the explorers have so much ketchup; it is a mystery. Perhaps they brought the ketchup to put on their eggs. We may never know.

I do not know these Quaaludes of which you speak.


Really. I swear.
Dennis who?
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Badfellow
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Badfellow »

Savage wrote:
Wed Mar 23, 2022 12:45 am
Badfellow wrote:
Tue Mar 22, 2022 5:21 pm
Dear Savage,
are
Is there any relation between Randy Quaid, Dennis Quaid and quaaludes? And how does this relate to pre-Colombian culture?

Sincerely,
Professor Badfellow
Deep in the heart of the Venezuelan jungle, there is a cave, with a statue of Randy Quaid as Cousin Eddy, covered in blood. Heaped in front of it are offerings of fruit, fried eggs, and packets of ketchup, taken from explorers foolish enough to try to befriend the locals. No one knows why the explorers have so much ketchup; it is a mystery. Perhaps they brought the ketchup to put on their eggs. We may never know.

I do not know these Quaaludes of which you speak.


Really. I swear.
Dennis who?
I’m aware of a particular tribe in Xingu basin of the Amazon (the jungle, not the Bezos) who worship a metallic pea colored Family Truckster supposedly fallen from the heavens. They take turns using it for family road trips. Though from an anthropological perspective, not everyone pitches in on gas money.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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oettinger
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by oettinger »

Savage wrote:
Wed Mar 23, 2022 12:45 am

Dennis who?
The Quaids, an extinct rudmentary tribe of actors that lived in the jungle next to the Baldwins and the Arquettes
Drink!
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Dear Booze
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Dear Booze »

oettinger wrote:
Fri Apr 01, 2022 6:20 pm
Savage wrote:
Wed Mar 23, 2022 12:45 am

Dennis who?
The Quaids, an extinct rudmentary tribe of actors that lived in the jungle next to the Baldwins and the Arquettes
Descendants of the Keach, Carridine, and Barrymore's
DRINK!

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Savage
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Savage »

Hey Savage, what the hell have you done with your life?
like tears in rain

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Mr Boozificator
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Mr Boozificator »

Savage wrote:
Wed Mar 16, 2022 8:07 pm
Mr Boozificator wrote:
Sun Mar 13, 2022 12:02 pm
Dear Savage, how are you and can I marry at least two of your daughters?
A mysterious stranger.
Are you serious, old fart? My steppies are in their forties; the eldest girl's eldest has a son who is a United States Marine. Her younger sister is the mother of three, then my eldest birthed one has boys in high school. The baby has two young children. Oh, and the boy has a daughter who is planning on joining the Marines when she graduates, so I guess she and/or her dad would kick your ass. Why aren't you married? You seem like a nice fellow. Aren't you a French Marine? You should have to beat the ladies off with a stick.
Oh well, dear Keeper of the Flame,
I have been married twice, just to check.
From your message I understand two things: 1) I must now marry the second generation. 2) You still love me. Big bisous my eternal green haired succubus.
With love.
I'll only take three, this time.
Oh, wait, what was the question?
The answer is: 3, and a thanksgiving at your house.
Written with a charming smile.
E.
"I never want to go to bed if there are still beers in the fridge, but then I am always hopeful that there are beers left in there when I wake up.". Thirstydrunk.

"We all look for happiness, but without knowing where to find it: like drunkards who look for their house, knowing dimly that they have one." Voltaire

"The prince of darkness is a gentleman." Shakespeare.

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