Profound Thoughts (a place for great drunken insights)

[Aloysius_of_Tahiti]

1) I'm smarter when I listen to Johnny Cash while drunk.
2) Every machine has a rhythm. Usually it's 4/4.
3) The jukebox in my local dive has plenty of Johnny Cash on rotation, hence:
4) I'm a friggin' genius when I'm drunk and who cares where my shirt is? I'll throw you!
5) Saying, "I'll throw you!" is a great threat, because people back off immediately. "Throw me where?" they say to themselves. "Throw me into a wall? Throw me over the bar? Throw me into a fist? This guy ain't too big but he said he'd throw me and I don't like the sound of that!"

[Freddie AppsHero]

I find that whenever I say "I need some time to seriously think" or something similar, what I actually mean is "I need some time to seriously drink".

[BBoozer]

Whenever my redhead says 'you drink too much', in fact she is venting her frustration for not being able to keep up pace with me.

[Savage]

1. Martin Denny, Arthur Lyman, and Les Baxter, are excellent fellows to listen to while drinking. I'm adding them to my funeral playlist. But we're still having Roy and Dale sing "Happy Trails to You" Well, not actually Roy and Dale, since they are both sort of dead, but, you know...

2. How come nobody ever has champagne at a wake? Hell, I'm writing a codicil to my Last Wishes, Bitches document, that bans any beverages other than champagne and bourbon from my funeral party.

3. Too many commas.

4. Also, no one ever brings a chocolate dessert. My funeral will be catered by Sees Candy.

5. And don't forget the mirrored disco ball.

6. Just like a wedding, there WILL be a color scheme. Purple. Blue purple, of course. Lavender blue. NO FUCKING ORANGE! I HATE ORANGE!
except in my mimosa, or carrots.

7. Dress appropriately. I can't even believe I have to say this, but seriously people, cover yourself, and pull up your sadass sagging pants. No flip flops, no Bratz doll-type wear, no fucking Hawaiian shirts unless they have skeletons on them, and no bright red or orange or that ilk. It's a damn funeral. I want to see black. And turn off your electronic devices and cell phones, or I swear to God, I will rise up out of that coffin and wrap my cold, embalmed fingers around your stupid, ignorant, red neck.

8. There's some other stuff, but my glass is empty and Grumpy is asleep, so I guess I have to serve my own damn self.

[Aloysius_of_Tahiti]

1. Martin Denny, Arthur Lyman, and Les Baxter, are excellent fellows to listen to while drinking.

I love me some Denny, Lyman, and Baxter. Nothing like Exotica music to put you in the mood for pouring a cheerful drink.

[peetie44]

1) http://www.drunkard.com/bbs/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=55343

[Wingman]

i had one yesterday. it was a good one, too. not lifechanging, mind you, but pretty snappy.

i'm sure it'll occur to me again at some point.

[ThirstyDrunk]

1) http://www.drunkard.com/bbs/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=55343

Don't you realize that some people only respond to their own threads?

[JimLahey]

I just want to sit quietly in my room and drink. That's it.

[Savage]

Oh shit, this wasn't that thread? I have no sense of direction.

[Savage]

You know, sometimes life isn’t all puppies and sunshine. Still, that’s no reason to take all your clothes off and run naked in the streets and shoot at random clowns. *


*random thought for the day

[ThirstyDrunk]

Well, it's no reason NOT to.

[Badfellow]

I don’t need a permit to shoot clowns. It’s in my contract.

[Merchant Seaman]

I don’t need a permit to shoot clowns. It’s in my contract.

Or Mimes

[scream ale]

Ar the eisk of sounding like a hippie - couldn't you just throw pies laced with broken glass at clowns? Shooting them just seems excessive.