Top Tips for the Alcoholically Challenged

[Savage]

Meh, have water.

SACRILEGE!

[JimLahey]

Vodka. Most highschoolers like it and you can mix it with almost anything. Results in an unpredictable drunk... personally I avoid the stuff.

[beerkegbilly]

cheap vodka or cheap rum,cheap tequila any thing cheap or you could try peppermint schnapps case if they check your breath.in theory they would only smell peppermint schnapps better just use a breath mints

[Palinka (RIP)]

Whilst yoghurt does indeed make for an excellent substitute for Shaving Foam, sadly the reverse is not true...

[Palinka (RIP)]

Also, don't believe the hype; it turns out that this is not a good kids toy...

[Shane-O-Matic]

Don't stop going to church just because you don't think God exists. My sources tell me that upwards of two litres of communion wine is thrown out by each church after mass each week. If you know some disgusting secrets about your local priest or minister, they'll not be slow in handing over the booze.

[Shane-O-Matic]

If the policeman still wears a hat, it's your piss-headed right to steal it from him. He'll see the funny side.

[Palinka (RIP)]

...If you know some disgusting secrets about your local priest or minister, they'll not be slow in handing over the booze..

Presents work, too...



(Please note that both the images that I have used have come from the amazingly talented people at Something Awful.

[Mr. Viking]

bicycles work best with the handlebars still attached

[Palinka (RIP)]

If you insist on using Chopsticks when wasted, leave an extra tip for the cleaning staff.

[Mr. Viking]

Apparently we should choose takeaway

sorry if this seems a bit serious, but I thought the posters were hilarious

also, very sorry, apparently there was a virus in the last link. Hopefully there isn't now

[Shane-O-Matic]

That fucking website is virused.

Fuck, setting fire to your dinner is a good, if slightly risky, way of testing your smoke alarm.

[GSG]

Police cars and taxis, whilst appearing similar from a distance, are NOT the same. Wait until it draws closer before hailing.

[EuroSlave]

Police cars and taxis, whilst appearing similar from a distance, are NOT the same. Wait until it draws closer before hailing.

This always gets me

[Savage]

Uhm, don't drink without removing the cap first. Dental work is expensive. Also, straws are not sissy; they are just a help, sometimes. But dammit, guys look silly with straws. Don't know why, but... And sweet drinks are nice, for once, but after that, best to go straight. And, best to drink at home, or a trusted friend's home, unless you know you have a ride. Make your own mixers--store bought sweet and sour is some kind of nasty business. Oh, and when drinking with shady fellas, take your drink to the potty. NEVER RUN OUT OF ICE. You know, sometimes, you can buy too much weird liquor. Avoid BevMo when you are thirsty. You know you have bought too much weird crap there, when they call you by name while cheering and clapping when you enter.