The Crappy Jokes thread!

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calx
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by calx »

Badfellow wrote:
Sun Jun 03, 2018 10:04 am
calx wrote:
Sun Jun 03, 2018 12:57 am
Badfellow wrote:
Fri May 25, 2018 11:40 pm
Why do gringos always get the shits?
Too much Barium and Strontium in the chemtrails? :|
I can see those unmarked helicopters.
Are you sure you have the proper sunglasses? I dunno man.
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by whiskeyprick »

A guy walks into a bar.
He says, "OUCH!"
Gambling is a disease, but it's the only one you can win a ton of money for having - Norm Macdonald

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Lush City »

Rodney Dangerfield of course:

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
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calx
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by calx »

Lush City wrote:
Sat Jun 16, 2018 10:42 pm
Rodney Dangerfield of course:

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
Lmao love Rodney.

"When I was a kid I was so short I had to blow my nose through my fly!"

"I went up to an elevator and the attendant said "Basement?"

And of course the Triple Lindey. :D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDMMYT3vkTk
Watch "The Money Masters" on youtube and read "The Creature From Jekyll Island" by G. Edward Griffin to unveil the true enemy.

Innovating the human race to extinction.™

Long live David Icke!

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Lush City »

I love Chinese doctors. They have saved me much pain over the years but sometimes their accents get to me.
LMAO!

Learn all about Ed Zachary disease:

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time.

She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see Dr. Chang, the well-known Chinese sex therapist, so she went to see him.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did.

Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Nausea »

Lush City wrote:
Fri Sep 14, 2018 11:50 pm

Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."
Made me laugh.
Don't worry. We're in no hurry.

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by scream ale »

^^A good one indeed.

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Badfellow »

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer riding a motorcycle?

With a motorcycle, the dirtbag is on the outside.
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Badfellow »

Nausea wrote:
Tue Sep 18, 2018 10:19 am
Lush City wrote:
Fri Sep 14, 2018 11:50 pm

Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."
Made me laugh.
Me too rikey-rikey.
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Patchez »

Badfellow wrote:
Tue Sep 18, 2018 11:02 pm
What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer riding a motorcycle?

With a motorcycle, the dirtbag is on the outside.
What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The position of the dirtbag.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Rusty_Shackleford »

What goes ring ring ... ring ring ... "AAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!"?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Lush City »

Rusty_Shackleford wrote:
Wed Sep 19, 2018 5:59 pm
What goes ring ring ... ring ring ... "AAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!"?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
LMAO! Couldn't happen to a nicer douche nozzle.
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
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Lush City
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Lush City »

oettinger wrote:
Mon Jun 04, 2018 9:48 am
Stole this gem from a sports forum:

A vegan, a crossfitter, and an atheist walk into a bar...the only reason I know this is because they had to tell everybody what they were as soon as they walked in.
This is one of those politically correct jokes. It's not funny! Sorry.
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by oettinger »

Lush City wrote:
Sat Sep 22, 2018 11:40 pm
oettinger wrote:
Mon Jun 04, 2018 9:48 am
Stole this gem from a sports forum:

A vegan, a crossfitter, and an atheist walk into a bar...the only reason I know this is because they had to tell everybody what they were as soon as they walked in.
This is one of those politically correct jokes. It's not funny! Sorry.
Thank god it`s not mine then
Drink!
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Lush City »

You asked for it. You kept this stinking thread alive. Now you get some more right between those drunken blood shot eyes. The best of Hebrew humor, please enjoy these lame ass jokes... OY!
Start Hebrew joke list...

"Some old and some new, and all have an underlying point.
Community:

1. How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Four: One to convince others to do it, a second to donate the bulb, a third to screw it in, and a fourth to make a speech saying the entire Jewish people stands behind the new bulb.

2. Two men, a Jew and a Gentile, were marooned on a desert island. The Gentile immediately got to work, dragging rocks to spell out “SOS” in huge letters on the beach, gathering driftwood to build a bonfire, and thinking about ways to build a boat.

The Jew, however, merely sat on the beach and waited.

“What’s the matter with you?” the Gentile exclaimed. “Don’t you want to be rescued?”

The Jew said calmly, “Look, I live in a city with a big Jewish Federation. Last year, I donated a million dollars to them. The year before, I donated a million dollars to them. This year, wherever I am, they’ll find me!”

3. Two men are waiting for a train. The younger man asks the older man for the time, but the older man ignores him. After a while, the younger man again asks for the time and again the older man ignores him. Frustrated, the younger man finally asks, “Why won’t you answer me when I ask you for the time?”

The older man sighs and explains: “Look, if I tell you the time, we’ll start to talk. Then when the train comes, you might sit down next to me. Perhaps we’ll get to know each other, and maybe I’ll eventually invite you to my house for Shabbat dinner. Maybe then you and my daughter would really get along – why, you might even get engaged! And why would I want a son-in-law who can’t even afford a watch?”
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
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