The Crappy Jokes thread!

[Lush City]

Two Italians are watching the coast during WWII. One says to the other, "Hey, Luigi is that a U-boat?" Luigi: "Ah, no, atsa no my boat."

Q: How can you tell if an Italian is in the Mafia? A: His favorite dish is broken leg of lamb.

Q: What do you call an Italian hooker? A: A pastatute.

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Italy? A: He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: What's an innuendo? A: An Italian suppository.

Have to stop. The bad joke police are at my door. Damn NSA! Fuck you if you can't take joke!

[oettinger]

A blond goes to the dry cleaner to have her dress cleaned. She asks the clerk, "How much?". However, he couldn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?"

She giggles and says, "No... it's just mustard this time"

[oettinger]

U-boat?

It`s the year of 2014
The german chancellor, the american president and the russian president are watching a military marine parade at the harbour.
The russian then says: look at this submarine, it can stay under water for 60 days
To which the american replies: Haha, whatch this submarine, it can stay under water for 120 days!
Just as the german wanted to raise his mouth a submarine rises from the waters,
all looked in amazement while its top opens and a nazi-general comes out and says:
"Heil Hitler, we need fuel and supplies!"

[oettinger]

The Manager of a company has to make a hard choice.
Lay of Jack or Sue.
They are both superb workers, but the companies run into hard times.

The manager decides that whoever drinks from the cooler first will be laid off the following morning.

Sue, who always comes in bright and early, had a horrible hangover from partying to hard last night, and goes to the fountain to drink some water with her advil.

The manager walks up to her, sighs and tells her
"I either have to lay you or Jack off."

Turning to face the Manager, Sue smiles and says
"Please just jack off, my head is killing me."

[oettinger]

If you people didn`t already know Smatter Noguts is the king of comedy on this board:
"Another God Damn Joke Thread"

Noguts I want to spend not one but atleast two drunken nights with you.



Telling jokes.

Do you do stand up also? Just have to figure out how not to spill my drink while laughing so hard!

[Smatter Noguts]

How does every joke about black people start?
With a look over your shoulder.

How is a racist like a drunk?
Everything they say ends with a slur.

If a car leaving a bar has a black guy, a mexican and a redneck inside, who's driving?
The police.

How many Irish does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to hold it in place and another to drink until the room spins.

What do you call a drunken Chinese?
A chunk.

Finally, my all-time favorite racial joke, which only Surreal and R.A. might understand:

A Hollander, Polish, and black man are sitting in the maternity waiting room at Butterworth hospital in Grand Rapids when the nurse arrives.
"I've got good news and bad news. You all have healthy baby boys, but there was a mix-up in the delivery room and we don't who belongs to whom. Could you all come down and help us identify them?
Rushing into the nursery, the Hollander runs over to the black baby, picks him upand cries, "Son!"
The nurse quietly says, "um... sir... I don't think that one's yours"
He turns to her and says, "What, you think I'm gonna chance being stuck with the Polock?"

Thanks for coming, don't forget to tip your server. The next show focuses on Jews and Catholic priests, so you might not want to bring the kids...

[Lush City]

Holy shit! Who's supplying you with your material? He's prob not a union dude.

[oettinger]

Ar you this person?

[oettinger]

Back to topic.
Anyone in for a mean one?


Little girl in the wild west is standing in front a burning farm and crying seas of tears.

A cowboy shows up and asks: Little beauty, what are you crying so heavily about?

The little girl says, still drenched in tears: My momy and dady and brother are all in there.

To which the cowboy replies while slowly opening his pants: This surely is not your lucky day...

[Lush City]

Yep, that's a bad one alright.

[Lush City]

Q: What does Barack Obama call illegal aliens?
A: Undocumented democrats.

Q: Barack Obama is on a sinking ship, who gets saved?
A: The Country!

Q: What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
A: Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears; Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.

A muslim, a socialist, and a communist walk into a bar. The bartender says hello Mr. President.

Q: What do Barack Obama & Tiger Woods have in common?
A: They are both trying to screw everybody!

''President Obama should get a big refund this year because he has a lot of dependents. AIG, Citibank, Morgan Stanley -- all dependents.'' —Jay Leno

[Dale]

A Polish joke:
"Why do Germans always need two Viagra?"
-"With the first Viagra only the right arm comes up!"

[Smatter Noguts]

Why is a Catholic priest like a silver medalist?

They both come in a little behind.

[Lush City]

[Smatter Noguts]

heard today:

Barack Obama "How's Hillary's head?"

Bill Clinton "Well, she's no Monica."