The Crappy Jokes thread!

A place for general talk.

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Badfellow
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Badfellow »

Lush City wrote:
Sun Jan 12, 2020 1:23 am
So this horse walks into this bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar and the bartender says: "sorry, we don't allow horses in here."
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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scream ale
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by scream ale »

^^^ Ha!

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Hugh »

Someone asked me who my favorite vampire was.

"The muppet from Sesame Street," I said.

They told me he didn't count.

"I can assure you, he does," I said.

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Ah well fuggit

Post by Hugh »

I couldn't figure out where to put it so I made another new thread. Mods can put it wherever the fuck they like. I just want to indulge my smartasseness.

“Metropolitan Police Dispatch, how can I help you?”

“HELP!! THERES A WEREWOLF LOOSE IN LONDON!!”

“Alright, do you have a description of said werewolf?”

“...his hair was perfect ....”

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Re: Ah well fuggit

Post by Badfellow »

Yeah, fuggit.

Do you know how Kojak broke his neck? King Kong used him for Ban Roll-On.
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Re: Ah well fuggit

Post by Badfellow »

Fuggit. Pretty sure that’s how Frogger swore.
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Rye and Coke »

So a naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says, "shit yeah, I do! My husband just attacked me screaming, 'I'm gonna pound my favorite bitch with my giant sausage!'

The bartender looked at her perplexed, "Ookay? and what'd you do?"

"What'd I do," the woman screamed. "I grabbed them both and got the hell up out of there!"


This is my edit of a reddit user that told a much lengthier version of his ending to the legendary unfinished Breakfast Club joke.
"They told me to see the glass half full cause some see it as half empty
I chose to see the glass twice the size it needed to be" - Pharoahe Monch, 'Broken Again'

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Nausea »

Truly awful.

If I had read a longer version, I think I might have had to cut someone.
Don't worry. We're in no hurry.

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by scream ale »

Thank you for condensing that. Any longer and I wouldn't be able to go on.

Beating dogs with deli meats is never a laughing matter.

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Rye and Coke »

hehe
"They told me to see the glass half full cause some see it as half empty
I chose to see the glass twice the size it needed to be" - Pharoahe Monch, 'Broken Again'

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Patchez »

scream ale wrote:
Fri Jan 14, 2022 4:13 pm
Thank you for condensing that. Any longer and I wouldn't be able to go on.

Beating dogs with deli meats is never a laughing matter.
I would beg to differ. I think watching a Neo Nazi Skinhead try to beat 3 Pitties with a sausage nunchuck would be hysterical.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Lush City »

Why did the chicken go to the middle of the road?
It wanted to lay it on the line.
🤣🤷‍♂️
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Merchant Seaman »

What's brown and sticky?



A stick

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Lush City »

Patchez wrote:
Fri Jan 14, 2022 7:31 pm
scream ale wrote:
Fri Jan 14, 2022 4:13 pm
Thank you for condensing that. Any longer and I wouldn't be able to go on.

Beating dogs with deli meats is never a laughing matter.
I would beg to differ. I think watching a Neo Nazi Skinhead try to beat 3 Pitties with a sausage nunchuck would be hysterical.
What if he were wearing a flank steak tunic?
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
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Re: Christmas Jokes

Post by Savage »

Lush City wrote:
Sun Dec 15, 2013 4:53 pm
Put all your Christmas jokes here.
This is mine.

A coroner called a private eye buddy of his. He tells Sam to come down to the morgue right away to see something very amazing. Sam shows up and the coroner takes him into a lab where there is a body laying on a table face down. The coroner pulls back the sheet and Sam sees a cork in the corpse's butt. The corner pulls the cork out and they hear, "Jingle bells, jingle bells". The coroner puts the cork back and looks at Sam. Sam is like WTF??? The coroner pulls the cork out again and they hear, "Jingle bells, jingle bells", and the coroner puts the cork back. He looks at Sam and asks what he thought. Sam looked at the coroner and said, "You called me all the way down here to listen to some asshole sing Jingle Bells?!!!"

Yeah, there is always some asshole singing Jingle Bells somewhere.
Ilike Sleigh Ride, but I need to make up lyrics.


Hey hey yo here we go, where's the biggest horse
Let's get in the sleigh
right pronto now
you'll pay later boy

Put down your flask, Grandpap
let's get rolling
On our effing way
if we awake half way while half 2ay thru
Look at all the damn snow
Let's go home and drink, damn it, damn it
I forgot my hat
Now my brain is freezin'
and I'm wheezin' better get home right now
like tears in rain

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