Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar and the bartender says: "sorry, we don't allow horses in here."
The Crappy Jokes thread!
Moderators: Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, Judge, oettinger, Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator
- Badfellow
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 10733
- Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:05 pm
- Location: Republic of Drunkardia
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ
- scream ale
- Drinking Like W.C.
- Posts: 6224
- Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2018 11:26 am
- Location: Home usually.
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
^^^ Ha!
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
Someone asked me who my favorite vampire was.
"The muppet from Sesame Street," I said.
They told me he didn't count.
"I can assure you, he does," I said.
"The muppet from Sesame Street," I said.
They told me he didn't count.
"I can assure you, he does," I said.
Ah well fuggit
I couldn't figure out where to put it so I made another new thread. Mods can put it wherever the fuck they like. I just want to indulge my smartasseness.
“Metropolitan Police Dispatch, how can I help you?”
“HELP!! THERES A WEREWOLF LOOSE IN LONDON!!”
“Alright, do you have a description of said werewolf?”
“...his hair was perfect ....”
“Metropolitan Police Dispatch, how can I help you?”
“HELP!! THERES A WEREWOLF LOOSE IN LONDON!!”
“Alright, do you have a description of said werewolf?”
“...his hair was perfect ....”
- Badfellow
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 10733
- Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:05 pm
- Location: Republic of Drunkardia
Re: Ah well fuggit
Yeah, fuggit.
Do you know how Kojak broke his neck? King Kong used him for Ban Roll-On.
Do you know how Kojak broke his neck? King Kong used him for Ban Roll-On.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ
- Badfellow
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 10733
- Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:05 pm
- Location: Republic of Drunkardia
Re: Ah well fuggit
Fuggit. Pretty sure that’s how Frogger swore.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ
- Rye and Coke
- Inebriate Savant
- Posts: 888
- Joined: Fri Feb 22, 2013 10:43 pm
- Location: You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming?"
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
So a naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says, "shit yeah, I do! My husband just attacked me screaming, 'I'm gonna pound my favorite bitch with my giant sausage!'
The bartender looked at her perplexed, "Ookay? and what'd you do?"
"What'd I do," the woman screamed. "I grabbed them both and got the hell up out of there!"
This is my edit of a reddit user that told a much lengthier version of his ending to the legendary unfinished Breakfast Club joke.
The bartender looked at her perplexed, "Ookay? and what'd you do?"
"What'd I do," the woman screamed. "I grabbed them both and got the hell up out of there!"
This is my edit of a reddit user that told a much lengthier version of his ending to the legendary unfinished Breakfast Club joke.
"They told me to see the glass half full cause some see it as half empty
I chose to see the glass twice the size it needed to be" - Pharoahe Monch, 'Broken Again'
I chose to see the glass twice the size it needed to be" - Pharoahe Monch, 'Broken Again'
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
Truly awful.
If I had read a longer version, I think I might have had to cut someone.
If I had read a longer version, I think I might have had to cut someone.
Don't worry. We're in no hurry.
- scream ale
- Drinking Like W.C.
- Posts: 6224
- Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2018 11:26 am
- Location: Home usually.
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
Thank you for condensing that. Any longer and I wouldn't be able to go on.
Beating dogs with deli meats is never a laughing matter.
Beating dogs with deli meats is never a laughing matter.
- Rye and Coke
- Inebriate Savant
- Posts: 888
- Joined: Fri Feb 22, 2013 10:43 pm
- Location: You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming?"
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
hehe
"They told me to see the glass half full cause some see it as half empty
I chose to see the glass twice the size it needed to be" - Pharoahe Monch, 'Broken Again'
I chose to see the glass twice the size it needed to be" - Pharoahe Monch, 'Broken Again'
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
I would beg to differ. I think watching a Neo Nazi Skinhead try to beat 3 Pitties with a sausage nunchuck would be hysterical.scream ale wrote: ↑Fri Jan 14, 2022 4:13 pmThank you for condensing that. Any longer and I wouldn't be able to go on.
Beating dogs with deli meats is never a laughing matter.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
- Lush City
- Chugging Like Churchill
- Posts: 5090
- Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2012 7:55 pm
- Location: Nearest tiki lounge
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
Why did the chicken go to the middle of the road?
It wanted to lay it on the line.
🤣🤷♂️
It wanted to lay it on the line.
🤣🤷♂️
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
-
- Inebriate Savant
- Posts: 627
- Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2021 1:33 pm
- Location: Milky Way (most of the time)
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
A stick
- Lush City
- Chugging Like Churchill
- Posts: 5090
- Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2012 7:55 pm
- Location: Nearest tiki lounge
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
What if he were wearing a flank steak tunic?Patchez wrote: ↑Fri Jan 14, 2022 7:31 pmI would beg to differ. I think watching a Neo Nazi Skinhead try to beat 3 Pitties with a sausage nunchuck would be hysterical.scream ale wrote: ↑Fri Jan 14, 2022 4:13 pmThank you for condensing that. Any longer and I wouldn't be able to go on.
Beating dogs with deli meats is never a laughing matter.
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
- Savage
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 25434
- Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2003 1:16 am
- Location: All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
Re: Christmas Jokes
Ilike Sleigh Ride, but I need to make up lyrics.Lush City wrote: ↑Sun Dec 15, 2013 4:53 pmPut all your Christmas jokes here.
This is mine.
A coroner called a private eye buddy of his. He tells Sam to come down to the morgue right away to see something very amazing. Sam shows up and the coroner takes him into a lab where there is a body laying on a table face down. The coroner pulls back the sheet and Sam sees a cork in the corpse's butt. The corner pulls the cork out and they hear, "Jingle bells, jingle bells". The coroner puts the cork back and looks at Sam. Sam is like WTF??? The coroner pulls the cork out again and they hear, "Jingle bells, jingle bells", and the coroner puts the cork back. He looks at Sam and asks what he thought. Sam looked at the coroner and said, "You called me all the way down here to listen to some asshole sing Jingle Bells?!!!"
Yeah, there is always some asshole singing Jingle Bells somewhere.
Hey hey yo here we go, where's the biggest horse
Let's get in the sleigh
right pronto now
you'll pay later boy
Put down your flask, Grandpap
let's get rolling
On our effing way
if we awake half way while half 2ay thru
Look at all the damn snow
Let's go home and drink, damn it, damn it
I forgot my hat
Now my brain is freezin'
and I'm wheezin' better get home right now
like tears in rain