He's probably off raping leprechauns and bombing Catholics. You know how he likes to get into the holiday spirit.
Can't find a single frickin' place in town that will deliver a green cheese pizza with shamrock shaped pepperoni. Is that so much to ask?
This means that I'll probably have to assuage my disgruntlement with a super soaker full of day-glo kelly green dye/LSD turned upon the merry crowds of wannabe micks and frat cromag scumbags stumbling around in the streets today. Oh, and I'm drinking English gin. And I'm not wearing green. Or underwear.
My employed friends all took they day off so we've done some good day drinking.
Have moved on to the cigar bar now.
Going to happy hour and not drinking is like going to an orgy and masturbating. You just took a great idea and turned it into a circle jerk. -Sixpack595
Due to an all day work staff meeting, I could not celebrate by guzzling Hasslehoff-style (mistah), being legless (Patchez), or going underwear-less (Badfellow)as tantalizing as that all sounds. Embarrassingly, I was also green-less.
Since I was unable to indulge in the aforementioned festivitahs ('til now), in the spirit of today I went to grab a Shamrock Shake from the only McDonald's in town because I've always wanted to try one. The girl at the counter told me (and all patrons in the surrounding area) that it was no longer available because it was a "limited time offer". Had I been ordering it any other day of the year like a total dickweed I would totally understand. But the one fkng day of the year anyone would ever even WANT a Shammy Shake... it would be today. Makes no sense whatsoever. All the white people in line were thoroughly disappointed. I guess they were out of the green ingredients because I successfully got a chocolate shake.
However, I still picked up some Mickey D burgers so perhaps I can attempt to go "Ultimate Hasselhoff" and ravage those burgers while lying on the floor guzzling, incoherently ranting and raving, squandering away all remaining shreds of dignity. Bring underwear-less** (see footnote) in to the equation would surpass The Hoff. He shoulda gone Commando. Or at least a tiger or leopard stripe bikini brief.
**"Clamando"- female word for going 'Commando' (Didn't and won't do that because A. freakin' gross and B. I'm a lady and C. no need to upstage the Hoff. I'm not competing for his title.)
Cheers Happy St. Pat's ladds and lassies. But don't persecute any pagans because that's totally not allowed. But be safe.
"In all this world, why I do think
There are five reasons why we drink:
Good friends,
good wine,
lest we be dry
and any other reason why".
Last edited by Artful Drunktective on Sat Mar 18, 2017 3:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
However, I still picked up some Mickey D burgers so perhaps I can attempt to go "Ultimate Hasselhoff" and ravage those burgers while lying on the floor guzzling, incoherently ranting and raving, squandering away all remaining shreds of dignity.
In my household this would be unheard off. We have floor-manners, please use the plastic fork!
No sorry, that`s not a napkin, that`s a dried-out pile of vomit.
I was umpiring a hockey match and had to drive. Never gone out on st. Patrick's day, except that one time when I had a few special brews with Shane-o-matic in the bar acrooss the road from my flat and he wore a ridiculous green hat. Those were good times
fuck the snakes
"I spent all of my money on cars, women and booze, the rest of it I squandered" G. Best