The Hole

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Dear Booze
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The Hole

Post by Dear Booze »

I understand that Jimmy Lester has opened a new place called The Hole. It was originally another bar - a "specialty" bar - called The Man Hole. He was too cheep to spring for a new sign, so he just removed "Man". He's busy setting up a poo table and patching the curious knotholes in the restroom.

I also heard that customers will be served by flair bartenders who are guaranteed to be drunker than them; there will be a naturally heated swim-up bar; and entertainment will include real live cock fights (the latter may be a hold-over from the previous establishment.
DRINK!

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Dear Booze
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Re: The Hole

Post by Dear Booze »

I just stopped by The Hole. Jimmy Lester chased out his first customer, threatening to beat his ass for criticizing the taste of the signature Chorizo Fiesta Martini. By the time I ordered a Shirley Temple Rape Kit shooter, Lester had the second customer in a headlock and was getting ready to "beat some faggoty ass" for reasons unknown to me.

I left before Lester had a chance to greet me in his warm and fuzzy manner. But I didn't escape the sticky mess made by the drunk flair bartending team while throwing uncapped battles of cinnamon schnapps in the air.

This place was so horrible that I can't not recommend trying it out.
DRINK!

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Badfellow
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Re: The Hole

Post by Badfellow »

This place will be bought out by UniGlobe inside of a week... they'll probably call it The Hole at Squalor Hills or Hipsterton's or The Skidmark, and then Jimmy fucking Lester is gonna make something of himself. Just you wait 'n see! You bunch of fuckin' fucks!
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Dear Booze
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Re: The Hole

Post by Dear Booze »

I stopped by The Hole on the way home from work for a quick one. I couldn't pass up the advertised drink special: "Jimmy Fucking Lester's Original Frozen Daiquiri". It's made from a secret recipe wich includes 151, laundry bluing, and dry ice.

I have to say, the place looks much better now that the 10" x 8" dance floor has been installed.
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oettinger
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Re: The Hole

Post by oettinger »

Ha! I remember this place!!!!!

Wasn`t it called the "Tiki lounge" just two drinks ago.
And just months before that it was a drunk jihadist anonymous meet.

they should rethink the overlapping permanent marker writings above the urinals: Mohammed Tiki Dicksucking.
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Dear Booze
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Re: The Hole

Post by Dear Booze »

I'm at The Hole now. Full house. Almost 4 people. Jimmy Fucking Lester is taking his time throwing them out for being big spenders.
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oettinger
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Re: The Hole

Post by oettinger »

*Stupid insider here
*You know Jimmy`s jeep? A Toyota station wagon

I hope DB, you remember your own horror stories


Enough off that, lets turn this drink into four liqours gear and go off road
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Dear Booze
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Re: The Hole

Post by Dear Booze »

oettinger wrote:*Stupid insider here
*You know Jimmy`s jeep? A Toyota station wagon

I hope DB, you remember your own horror stories


Enough off that, lets turn this drink into four liqours gear and go off road
Which four liquors? I'm in!
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oettinger
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Re: The Hole

Post by oettinger »

Cool, they junk-box now:

Survivor - Rye of the tiger

Rising up, back on the knees
Did my drink, took my mixes
drank the distance, now I'm back on my face
Fuck a man and his swill to survive

So many dives it happens too fast
You pace your bourbon for glory
Don't lose your slip on the drinks of the past
You must pay just to keep them alive

It's the rye of the tiger
It's the queen of the your shite
Rising up to the challenge of our trival
And the last known survivor
Stalks his wife in the night
And he's watching us all with the Rye of the tiger

Face to beer, out in the heat
Hanging tough, staying thirsty
They stack the bar 'til we take to the street
For the kill with the swill to survive

It's the Rye of the tiger
It's the swill of the fight
Rising up to the challenge of our trial
And the last known survivor
Stalks his beer in the night
And he's watching us all with the Rye of the tiger

Raising head straight to the top
Had the guts, got the glory
Went the cocktails, now I'm not going to stop
Just a man and his swill to survive

It's the rye of the tiger
It's the swill of the night
Rising up to the challenge of our eval
And the last known survivor
Fucks your mom overnifht
And he's watching us all with the Rye of the tiger
The Rye of the tiger
The Rye of the tiger
The Rye of the tiger
The Rye of the tiger
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ThirstyDrunk
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Re: The Hole

Post by ThirstyDrunk »

Brilliant! I didn't know they had karaoke here.
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought

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oettinger
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Re: The Hole

Post by oettinger »

Whar I like about the Hole is, when the C.I.A. and whole Modern'Drunkard is looking for your tiny ass, you still find a place the get shitfaced
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Dear Booze
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Re: The Hole

Post by Dear Booze »

When you sign up for the automatic notifications from The Hole, Jimmy Lester just comes over to your house and asks to use your bathroom.
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Badfellow
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Re: The Hole

Post by Badfellow »

When I think of a hole, I think of places to piss or bury fish guts, or barring that some squalid nook in which to crawl like a dying animal and guzzle swill until the great, merciful equalizer of numbness besets.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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Dear Booze
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Re: The Hole

Post by Dear Booze »

Badfellow wrote:When I think of a hole, I think of places to piss or bury fish guts, or barring that some squalid nook in which to crawl like a dying animal and guzzle swill until the great, merciful equalizer of numbness besets.
Yea. You got it. All of those things PLUS Jimmy Fucking Lester.
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Dear Booze
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Re: The Hole

Post by Dear Booze »

I'm at The Hole right now, if anyone wants to join me, come on down. Jimmy's in a pretty good mood. Turns out Diva Bitch's rules against "dick" and "old dudes" don't apply to him. I think they're in love. He's got a big chalkboard set up next to the indoor fire pit and is using it to teach his young mademoiselle the differences between "to", "two", and "too". It's not going well.

Meanwhile, the drunk flair bartenders are taking turns giving away free shots of creme de menthaladum and Mr Pibb.
DRINK!

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