He only had to know 11 drinks and a ride home in a taxi. The formula was already there. I just wonder how many of those drinks Dear Booze has consumed himself? Let's be authentic for once.Rye and Coke wrote: ↑Thu Dec 24, 2020 1:09 pmDear Booze wrote: ↑Thu Dec 24, 2020 10:00 amOne the first day of Christmas, my barkeep gave to me a ride home in a taxi.
One the second day of Christmas, my barkeep gave to me two rum and cokes and a ride home in a taxi.
One the third day of Christmas, my barkeep gave to me three gin and tonics, two rum and cokes, and a ride home in a taxi.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my barkeep gave to me, four scotch & sodas, three gin & tonics, two rum and cokes, and a ride home in a taxi.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my barkeep gave to me, FIVE JÄGER BOMBS!... four scotch & sodas, three gin & tonics, two rum & cokes, and a ride home in a taxi.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my barkeep gave to me, six margaritas, FIVE JÄGER BOMBS!... four scotch & sodas, three gin & tonics, two rum & cokes, and a ride home in a taxi.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my barkeep gave to me, seven awkward dance moves, six margaritas, FIVE JÄGER BOMBS!... four scotch & sodas, three gin & tonics, two rum & cokes, and a ride home in a taxi.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my barkeep gave to me, eight kamikazes, seven awkward dance moves, six margaritas, FIVE JÄGER BOMBS!... four scotch & sodas, three gin & tonics, two rum & cokes, and a ride home in a taxi.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my barkeep gave to me, nine fake phone numbers, eight kamikazes, seven awkward dance moves, six margaritas, FIVE JÄGER BOMBS!... four scotch & sodas, three gin & tonics, two rum & cokes, and a ride home in a taxi.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my barkeep gave to me, ten stale peanuts, nine fake phone numbers, eight kamikazes, seven awkward dance moves, six margaritas, FIVE JÄGER BOMBS... four scotch & sodas, three gin & tonics, two rum & cokes, and a ride home in a taxi
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my barkeep gave to me, eleven purple hooters, ten stale peanuts, nine fake phone numbers, eight kamikazes, seven awkward dance moves, six margaritas, FIVE JÄGER BOMBS... four scotch & sodas, three gin & tonics, two rum & cokes, and a ride home in a taxi
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my barkeep gave to me, twelve bottles of Guinness, eleven purple hooters, ten stale peanuts, nine fake phone numbers, eight kamikazes, seven awkward dance moves, six margaritas, FIVE JÄGER BOMBS... four scotch & sodas, three gin & tonics, two rum & cokes, and a ride home in a taxi.
goddamn genius
Merry Christmas you drunks!
Moderators: Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, Judge, oettinger, Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator
- Lush City
- Chugging Like Churchill
- Posts: 5087
- Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2012 7:55 pm
- Location: Nearest tiki lounge
Re: Merry Christmas you drunks!
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
- Rye and Coke
- Inebriate Savant
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- Location: You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming?"
Re: Merry Christmas you drunks!
"Every Christmas night for seven years now
I drink banana daquaris 'til I'm blind
As long as I can hear you smilin' baby
You won't hear my tears
Another lonely Christmas is mine
Yeah, mine
Yeah
Another lonely Christmas is mine!!"
Another Lonely Christmas - Prince
- Artful Drunktective
- Chugging Like Churchill
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- Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2015 1:00 pm
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Re: Merry Christmas you drunks!
This is begging for a follow up of Wham!'s "Last Christmas".Rye and Coke wrote: ↑Thu Dec 24, 2020 9:08 pm
"Every Christmas night for seven years now
I drink banana daquaris 'til I'm blind
As long as I can hear you smilin' baby
You won't hear my tears
Another lonely Christmas is mine
Yeah, mine
Yeah
Another lonely Christmas is mine!!"
Okole maluna!
- Artful Drunktective
- Chugging Like Churchill
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- Badfellow
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 10730
- Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:05 pm
- Location: Republic of Drunkardia
Re: Merry Christmas you drunks!
Jingle bells,
Batman smells, Robin laid an egg,
The Batmobile
Lost it's wheel and the joker got away,
Hey!
Batman smells, Robin laid an egg,
The Batmobile
Lost it's wheel and the joker got away,
Hey!
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ
Merry Christmas Everybody!
I hope you're all doing well this fine Christmas.
A pandemic is ravaging through the country and we can't go to bars because motherfuckers refuse to wear masks.
If you're one of those people, I still love you. Also, go fuck yourself, you selfish prick.
We could all go to bars if you'd sit your ass home for a couple of weeks.
Since I left FB, I haven't gotten much of an opportunity to reach out to Drunkards I knew in the past. The Rooster is still out there; and, he's not gonna die.
A pandemic is ravaging through the country and we can't go to bars because motherfuckers refuse to wear masks.
If you're one of those people, I still love you. Also, go fuck yourself, you selfish prick.
We could all go to bars if you'd sit your ass home for a couple of weeks.
Since I left FB, I haven't gotten much of an opportunity to reach out to Drunkards I knew in the past. The Rooster is still out there; and, he's not gonna die.
Re: Merry Christmas you drunks!
Had some Sweet Baby Jesus, chocolate peanutbutter porter for Chrimbus day. seemed fitting.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
- Rye and Coke
- Inebriate Savant
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- Location: You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming?"
Re: Just in Time for Christmas...
Seems as fine a Christmas thread as there ever was to revive.
At least the title has the perfect sentiment, or at least the beginning of one: A conversation that Palinka never finished nor to which he ever got a response.
Seems fitting for such a dark and moribund time of year.
I apologize, Christmas is fun, or at least can be.
There's just something about it, something dreary that drives me to the darkest corners of dark bars to drink. Maybe it's the prickly pear skin of nostalgia, lodged in my throat and causing asphyxiated hallucinations of yellow sun yesterday. Maybe it's the music. Maybe it's the weather.
Maybe it's because I'm a scrooge.
Yeah, that's it: I'm a Scrooge.
Charles Dickens knew the deal! He knew how to handle guys like me that don't get this shit!
Three Spirits, and they will show me the way.
Rye, Vodka and Tequila. Hell, maybe even some Gin.
We can always use some Rum.
The more the unlive-lier!
By Christmas, my house will look like the final act of Ghostbusters, with spirits flying about my head to the tune of "I Believe It's Magic", and bouncing off the walls like drunken carbonated bubbles in a freshly poured glass of ale.
That's when I'll find it. That's when I'll get it.
That goddamn
holiday
spirit.
Cheers. ...
uppin...
At least the title has the perfect sentiment, or at least the beginning of one: A conversation that Palinka never finished nor to which he ever got a response.
Seems fitting for such a dark and moribund time of year.
I apologize, Christmas is fun, or at least can be.
There's just something about it, something dreary that drives me to the darkest corners of dark bars to drink. Maybe it's the prickly pear skin of nostalgia, lodged in my throat and causing asphyxiated hallucinations of yellow sun yesterday. Maybe it's the music. Maybe it's the weather.
Maybe it's because I'm a scrooge.
Yeah, that's it: I'm a Scrooge.
Charles Dickens knew the deal! He knew how to handle guys like me that don't get this shit!
Three Spirits, and they will show me the way.
Rye, Vodka and Tequila. Hell, maybe even some Gin.
We can always use some Rum.
The more the unlive-lier!
By Christmas, my house will look like the final act of Ghostbusters, with spirits flying about my head to the tune of "I Believe It's Magic", and bouncing off the walls like drunken carbonated bubbles in a freshly poured glass of ale.
That's when I'll find it. That's when I'll get it.
That goddamn
holiday
spirit.
Cheers. ...
uppin...
"They told me to see the glass half full cause some see it as half empty
I chose to see the glass twice the size it needed to be" - Pharoahe Monch, 'Broken Again'
I chose to see the glass twice the size it needed to be" - Pharoahe Monch, 'Broken Again'
- benitobeast69
- Inebriate Savant
- Posts: 862
- Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2013 6:25 pm
- Location: Manchester, UK
Re: Just in Time for Christmas...
this is classRye and Coke wrote: ↑Wed Dec 22, 2021 11:32 amSeems as fine a Christmas thread as there ever was to revive.
At least the title has the perfect sentiment, or at least the beginning of one: A conversation that Palinka never finished nor to which he ever got a response.
Seems fitting for such a dark and moribund time of year.
I apologize, Christmas is fun, or at least can be.
There's just something about it, something dreary that drives me to the darkest corners of dark bars to drink. Maybe it's the prickly pear skin of nostalgia, lodged in my throat and causing asphyxiated hallucinations of yellow sun yesterday. Maybe it's the music. Maybe it's the weather.
Maybe it's because I'm a scrooge.
Yeah, that's it: I'm a Scrooge.
Charles Dickens knew the deal! He knew how to handle guys like me that don't get this shit!
Three Spirits, and they will show me the way.
Rye, Vodka and Tequila. Hell, maybe even some Gin.
We can always use some Rum.
The more the unlive-lier!
By Christmas, my house will look like the final act of Ghostbusters, with spirits flying about my head to the tune of "I Believe It's Magic", and bouncing off the walls like drunken carbonated bubbles in a freshly poured glass of ale.
That's when I'll find it. That's when I'll get it.
That goddamn
holiday
spirit.
Cheers. ...
uppin...
Hangover cure: Rigorous sex, hydration, hot bath, then "go up for half an hour in an open aeroplane." - Kinglsey Amis
- benitobeast69
- Inebriate Savant
- Posts: 862
- Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2013 6:25 pm
- Location: Manchester, UK
Re: Just in Time for Christmas...
i can't say much cause i fucking adore Christmas...everything about it. i save 3 weeks of annual leave for this every year and have a massive 3 week party...i even like fucking Christmas music!!!
and yeah fairy tale of New York is a banger!!
and yeah fairy tale of New York is a banger!!
Hangover cure: Rigorous sex, hydration, hot bath, then "go up for half an hour in an open aeroplane." - Kinglsey Amis
- Badfellow
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 10730
- Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:05 pm
- Location: Republic of Drunkardia
Re: Just in Time for Christmas..
Any other big plans for the holiday? We know Benito is giddy as a school girl, but let’s take a look at what some of you other holly, jolly bastards have planned for Jeebusez birfday:
TheDrunkardAnglo- well, seems he’s hired a Maggie Thatcher impersonator to slap him around in the face with her tits a bit.
Oettinger- aside for keeping the V from falling out of his vodka, he’s arranging a nice nativity scene with his Terminator action figures. "Jesus Connor? Your terminated."
Rye&Coke- for such a likable guy, mofuckas got a serious grinch bug up his ass. He’s going to drink the X-mas pain away and resist the urge to beat his children with a Christmas stocking full of turds.
Dear Booze- at this very moment, he’s attempting to break his old record for number of Salvation Army red kettles pissed in within the 24 hour Christmas Eve day period. Good luck, DB.
Lush City- unwrapping the yule tide Metamucil.
Scream Ale- no doubt, he’s having a very Mötorhead Christmas.
Jimmy Lester- probably not too much; he’s dead.
Artful Drunktective- dressing her life sized Michael Dudikoff blow-up doll as "Sexy Santa". Don’t ask.
Hugh- as Hugh does not recognize or give political authority to any one specific day of the week, it’ll be a wash between the Franzia and the Gran Legacy.
Patchez- being mistaken for someone else with his big, white beard and rosy cheeks.
Nausea- every holiday season, Nausea donates his time by playing the kazoo for people with epilepsy and anger management issues.
TheDrunkardAnglo- well, seems he’s hired a Maggie Thatcher impersonator to slap him around in the face with her tits a bit.
Oettinger- aside for keeping the V from falling out of his vodka, he’s arranging a nice nativity scene with his Terminator action figures. "Jesus Connor? Your terminated."
Rye&Coke- for such a likable guy, mofuckas got a serious grinch bug up his ass. He’s going to drink the X-mas pain away and resist the urge to beat his children with a Christmas stocking full of turds.
Dear Booze- at this very moment, he’s attempting to break his old record for number of Salvation Army red kettles pissed in within the 24 hour Christmas Eve day period. Good luck, DB.
Lush City- unwrapping the yule tide Metamucil.
Scream Ale- no doubt, he’s having a very Mötorhead Christmas.
Jimmy Lester- probably not too much; he’s dead.
Artful Drunktective- dressing her life sized Michael Dudikoff blow-up doll as "Sexy Santa". Don’t ask.
Hugh- as Hugh does not recognize or give political authority to any one specific day of the week, it’ll be a wash between the Franzia and the Gran Legacy.
Patchez- being mistaken for someone else with his big, white beard and rosy cheeks.
Nausea- every holiday season, Nausea donates his time by playing the kazoo for people with epilepsy and anger management issues.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ
- scream ale
- Drinking Like W.C.
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- Location: Home usually.
- Rye and Coke
- Inebriate Savant
- Posts: 887
- Joined: Fri Feb 22, 2013 10:43 pm
- Location: You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming?"
Re: Just in Time for Christmas..
Badfellow wrote: ↑Fri Dec 24, 2021 9:41 amAny other big plans for the holiday? We know Benito is giddy as a school girl, but let’s take a look at what some of you other holly, jolly bastards have planned for Jeebusez birfday:
TheDrunkardAnglo- well, seems he’s hired a Maggie Thatcher impersonator to slap him around in the face with her tits a bit.
Oettinger- aside for keeping the V from falling out of his vodka, he’s arranging a nice nativity scene with his Terminator action figures. "Jesus Connor? Your terminated."
Rye&Coke- for such a likable guy, mofuckas got a serious grinch bug up his ass. He’s going to drink the X-mas pain away and resist the urge to beat his children with a Christmas stocking full of turds.
Dear Booze- at this very moment, he’s attempting to break his old record for number of Salvation Army red kettles pissed in within the 24 hour Christmas Eve day period. Good luck, DB.
Lush City- unwrapping the yule tide Metamucil.
Scream Ale- no doubt, he’s having a very Mötorhead Christmas.
Jimmy Lester- probably not too much; he’s dead.
Artful Drunktective- dressing her life sized Michael Dudikoff blow-up doll as "Sexy Santa". Don’t ask.
Hugh- as Hugh does not recognize or give political authority to any one specific day of the week, it’ll be a wash between the Franzia and the Gran Legacy.
Patchez- being mistaken for someone else with his big, white beard and rosy cheeks.
Nausea- every holiday season, Nausea donates his time by playing the kazoo for people with epilepsy and anger management issues.
For what it's worth, I'm actually feeling better now. But yeah, my kids are going to look like they got caught in the face with bird shot....beating the shit outta them...
"They told me to see the glass half full cause some see it as half empty
I chose to see the glass twice the size it needed to be" - Pharoahe Monch, 'Broken Again'
I chose to see the glass twice the size it needed to be" - Pharoahe Monch, 'Broken Again'