What do you tell your Doctor/Nurse/Medical Practitioner

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TheDrunkardAnglo
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What do you tell your Doctor/Nurse/Medical Practitioner

Post by TheDrunkardAnglo »

Moved GP's and as a result, have to have a little medical check-up. All this time in lockdown, it has been difficult to find someone to massage my prostate. That's the real reason behind it all.

Anyway, what do you tell your doctors when they ask about drinking and smoking?
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Re: What do you tell your Doctor/Nurse/Medical Practitioner

Post by Hugh »

The last time I was asked (a couple of years ago) I told them I have 5 - 6 glasses of wine on weekend nights. She wrote some notes on a clipboard after I answered, and I assume "binge drinker" is in my medical record now. I don't think it would be a good idea to admit to your doctor if you are drinking every day, or even most days, or that you drink a lot. The point is that my doctor knows I drink, and if she thought I drank as much as I really do, she would be unnecessarily alarmed and feel obligated to give me a lecture.

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Re: What do you tell your Doctor/Nurse/Medical Practitioner

Post by Merchant Seaman »

As little as possible, especially about booze.
Dr., "how much do you drink?"
Me, "oh, once or twice a month, if that"

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Re: What do you tell your Doctor/Nurse/Medical Practitioner

Post by scream ale »

I was semi honest when I was asked. I gave a low number when asked how many beers I drank in a week. Didn't mention liquor at all. Next time I might. I remember he asked a few questions in regard to my beer drinking, one of which was if I felt bad about it. I left with the impression he wasn't to happy about my drinking. I wasn't terribly thrilled with him.

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Re: What do you tell your Doctor/Nurse/Medical Practitioner

Post by ThirstyDrunk »

I'm usually honest about it to the point that they may think I'm bragging. I mean do you really think they give a fuck?
Head off the lectures with something like "Hey Doc I know smoking a carton a week isn't good for me, it says so right on the pack, and I know the dangers of alcohol I've seen friends and family go down with that."
Once you clear all that up some doctors may offer helpful hints: "Well, if you are not going to try and at least cut back let me recommend this brand of liver detox pills, or try some of this it has milk thistle." or some shit like that..
Why lie to your doctor? I don't understand that at all.
Then again I think I've only been to a doctor twice in the last 20 years, other than a specialist for skin cancer surgeries.
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Re: What do you tell your Doctor/Nurse/Medical Practitioner

Post by Merchant Seaman »

I have to pass an annual physical to maintain my license and Z-Card, and my personal Dr. is required to report to seafarers medical center, if they wrote anything about alcohol "abuse" then I could lose my lively hood.
Last edited by Merchant Seaman on Tue Mar 16, 2021 3:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: What do you tell your Doctor/Nurse/Medical Practitioner

Post by Hugh »

ThirstyDrunk wrote:
Thu Mar 11, 2021 5:41 pm
I'm usually honest about it to the point that they may think I'm bragging. I mean do you really think they give a fuck?
Head off the lectures with something like "Hey Doc I know smoking a carton a week isn't good for me, it says so right on the pack, and I know the dangers of alcohol I've seen friends and family go down with that."
Once you clear all that up some doctors may offer helpful hints: "Well, if you are not going to try and at least cut back let me recommend this brand of liver detox pills, or try some of this it has milk thistle." or some shit like that..
Why lie to your doctor? I don't understand that at all.
Then again I think I've only been to a doctor twice in the last 20 years, other than a specialist for skin cancer surgeries.
I don't know. They put these things in your medical record and there is no way to know what they will do with it. I fear that they could use it somehow against me. I don't *look* like a drunk - that is I'm not bloated and obese, I'm well groomed and have good hygiene. So I don't think my doctor thought I was lowballing her, and maybe if I want a drug prescription in the future, she will be more obliging than if she thought I was a drunk.

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Re: What do you tell your Doctor/Nurse/Medical Practitioner

Post by benitobeast69 »

Hugh wrote:
Fri Mar 12, 2021 12:03 am
ThirstyDrunk wrote:
Thu Mar 11, 2021 5:41 pm
I'm usually honest about it to the point that they may think I'm bragging. I mean do you really think they give a fuck?
Head off the lectures with something like "Hey Doc I know smoking a carton a week isn't good for me, it says so right on the pack, and I know the dangers of alcohol I've seen friends and family go down with that."
Once you clear all that up some doctors may offer helpful hints: "Well, if you are not going to try and at least cut back let me recommend this brand of liver detox pills, or try some of this it has milk thistle." or some shit like that..
Why lie to your doctor? I don't understand that at all.
Then again I think I've only been to a doctor twice in the last 20 years, other than a specialist for skin cancer surgeries.
I don't know. They put these things in your medical record and there is no way to know what they will do with it. I fear that they could use it somehow against me. I don't *look* like a drunk - that is I'm not bloated and obese, I'm well groomed and have good hygiene. So I don't think my doctor thought I was lowballing her, and maybe if I want a drug prescription in the future, she will be more obliging than if she thought I was a drunk.


you're spot on Hugh...you never know. I was always fairly honest with my doc and it fucked it up for us a bit when we started applying to do IVF. The fertility consultant was all good and happy until he obviously saw some shit on my record and then he was like "HAVE YOU GOT YOUR DRINKING UNDER CONTROL?!?!?!"...they weren't gonna let us go through with it at one point but i managed to convince them i barely drink anymore...........................so yeah..now I just lie.
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Re: What do you tell your Doctor/Nurse/Medical Practitioner

Post by oettinger »

The last time I was asked was when I was drafted for the military.
I honestly answered that I black out drunk multiple times during the week.
I think that qualified me for the army.
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Re: What do you tell your Doctor/Nurse/Medical Practitioner

Post by Rye and Coke »

benitobeast69 wrote:
Fri Mar 12, 2021 9:34 am

you're spot on Hugh...you never know. I was always fairly honest with my doc and it fucked it up for us a bit when we started applying to do IVF. The fertility consultant was all good and happy until he obviously saw some shit on my record and then he was like "HAVE YOU GOT YOUR DRINKING UNDER CONTROL?!?!?!"...they weren't gonna let us go through with it at one point but i managed to convince them i barely drink anymore...........................so yeah..now I just lie.
Fuck, that's crazy!

I honestly never thought of that. I'm like Thirsty, recently I've started just telling the truth. I went to the doctor for a knee issue and on one of the forms they asked about drinking and whether or not I liked to talk about it. For whatever reason, I just put down that I drink and don't like people asking me about it. LOL. So he didn't.

Later, when we were about to go back in the office after lockdown (my job has since changed course), I had to have an online doctor consultation. He asked how much I drink and I told him and was fairly honest.

He looked like he was about to have a heart attack and I was immediately regretful. But I leaned into that shit, and was like, "yep...that much"

It was oddly freeing.

He told me to let him know if I started having any stomach issues and left it at that. *shrugs*

But yeah, I never thought about permanent record stuff, fuck me.
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I chose to see the glass twice the size it needed to be" - Pharoahe Monch, 'Broken Again'

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Re: What do you tell your Doctor/Nurse/Medical Practitioner

Post by Artful Drunktective »

LIE LIE LIE LIE and LIE. Also lie to your shrinks too, if you have any of those.

I know that any ailments or problems I have are not drinking related. But if you tell doctors you drink they will always blame it as the reason you feel like shit or that you have diarrhea or contributes to your depression or fill in the blank. Drinking is not the problem! (Well, maybe it attributes to my sometimes high blood pressure) but for the most part, drinking solves my problems. I ain't telling them squat! I'm an adult. I don't need a dang lecture. I I don't want to discuss my diet with them either.
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Re: What do you tell your Doctor/Nurse/Medical Practitioner

Post by TheDrunkardAnglo »

They also want a urine sample. I guess a couple of days undrunk. before I provide said sample would be advisable
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Re: What do you tell your Doctor/Nurse/Medical Practitioner

Post by scream ale »

I don't know about my file with my doctor, but I have seen my dental file. At the top in large letters, it says "GAGGER". I found this funny.

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Re: What do you tell your Doctor/Nurse/Medical Practitioner

Post by Rye and Coke »

TheDrunkardAnglo wrote:
Fri Mar 12, 2021 2:53 pm
They also want a urine sample. I guess a couple of days undrunk. before I provide said sample would be advisable
I don't know if alcohol shows up in your piss like cocaine dude

If it did... I might be bringing a cup to the bathroom with me next time
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I chose to see the glass twice the size it needed to be" - Pharoahe Monch, 'Broken Again'

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Re: What do you tell your Doctor/Nurse/Medical Practitioner

Post by oettinger »

Drink!
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