Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

[Thompson]

Well, to be truthful there ain’t no way I’m pounding anybody or anything to a pulp. I might, if I’m lucky, give a black eye in there. I like to fight. It has to do with my theory of pain. You can only feel one pain at a time, that’s not too hard of a concept to understand, is it? No, so you get socked in the nose and guess what? The pain in your toe is gone.

But that is a lie too. I’m no fighter, don’t know the first thing about it. I’m not afraid of a fight though, if that means anything, I’ve been in a few. Usually the other guy is more afraid than you.

[Thompson]

Gotta make a run. 4 blocks out and 4 blocks in. These are normal city blocks and should not prove a major challenge to Mr. Booze Hound (I fucking hope).

[Badfellow]

Dear Thompson,

Does a bong hit count as a lung brush? Because I’ve coughed up some polychromatic globs in my time. But nothing quite as colorful, random nor Nurglesque as your festering fecundity of feverish posts. Layer by layer peels the skin of the onion. What are we drinking, onion man?

[Thompson]

I’m not sure but I think so. It sounds good. We can all make it if we just hang in there, badfellow, we got to hang in there.

[Thompson]

I just woke up after a short nap and I am dangerously low after not getting supplies yesterday. Are we going to make it? Well, we shall see. Gunsmoke is coming on soon. Mathew should give some guidance.

Now remember, I live just five blocks away from the famous Ms. Mae’s which is open 24 hours and hopefully that bartender girl who 86’d me last time will be off. One of those girls that wants to rub you the wrong way on purpose. I don’t get that. Now the other gal bartender is a lot kinder and sees things the way they should be seen. She doesn’t grant me any favors mind you, but she plays fair and knows her baseball. I hope she is working tonight. I could use a friend.

[Thompson]

Dear Badfellow,

A bong hit does not need anything but a bud. But I know what you are saying, you have to be careful, you can’t, as they say, bite off more than you can chew. I hate that cough so most of the time I smoke it slow. But, it’s like the booze and everything else, you grab at it, swallow and smoke it down, and say Fuck It.

These new gummies help. For about thirty minutes, but Hey, thirty minutes is thirty minutes.

[Thompson]

I’m thinking Jameson but I’m hitting on Taaka.

[Thompson]

Okay, there is a hole right there where my stomach disappeared but I ain’t crying about it. I’m sick and tired of crying about shit. I live on the floor now. The floor is my friend. I’m a floor man. I cannot see shit, so the floor is a good place to be. If I can find my blanket that will help but I have to find it first.

[Thompson]

And my diet ain’t worth the bread it’s buttered on, in other words, it ain’t worth a shit, and do you know why that is? Can you venture a guess? C’mon, venture a guess. I don’t eat no more. You all have heard of people that don’t drink no more, well I don’t eat no more . I’m sick up to my neck with eating, and I won’t allow it no more.

[Thompson]

However, since I now live on the floor, a Slim Jim might be okay to eat (I keep dropping this fucking phone and it is Pissing me off, might end up smashing it with my hammer).

[Thompson]

I didn’t smash it with my hammer or I couldn’t make this post. But I might smash it later.

[Thompson]

Okey Dokey, well hold up I’ve got to take a headache powder, they are good friends and neighbors, I prefer BC but Stanback works and the popular brand Goody’s is out there. They do the thing with the new name pain relievers other than aspirin. I prefer the aspirin and caffeine powders. It takes a while but it’s worth it to learn the powders. They work fast.

Now there was something else I was going to say that seemed rather important but I done forgot what it was. Oh yeah, Bottoms Up Brothers and Sisters, we ain’t got all that much time left like we thought we had in the beginning. So . . .

[Thompson]

So, if you have a grudge with your landlord do what I am doing— smoking inside

[Artful Drunktective]

festering fecundity of feverish posts. Layer by layer peels the skin of the onion. What are we drinking, onion man?

Reading feverish and haphazard posts are like eating that raw onion and having a Myoclonic seizure at the same time.

[Badfellow]

Dear Badfellow,

A bong hit does not need anything but a bud. But I know what you are saying, you have to be careful, you can’t, as they say, bite off more than you can chew. I hate that cough so most of the time I smoke it slow. But, it’s like the booze and everything else, you grab at it, swallow and smoke it down, and say Fuck It.

These new gummies help. For about thirty minutes, but Hey, thirty minutes is thirty minutes.

Guess what I meant was that a good bong hit helps me cough up some of that more unwholesome sputum piled high by chain smoking cigarettes. Hence the lung brush.

Important to note there is great delineation between the "good cough" and the "bad cough", and I suppose the "ugly cough".

A good cough clears the lungs, tastes like the wünderbud you just smoked and leaves you in a pleasantly vegetative state. A bad cough is more like the Marlboro Man taking a well aimed Apache arrow in the lung bucket, whilst the ugly cough is reserved for bronchitis and walking pneumonia.

I’m also keen on the BC headache powder mixed with rum and Coca Cola for those hard to reach pains and mornings of rolling around on the floor cursing a God which may or may not exist.