Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

[Thompson]

Warning to all who might think of ordering liquor delivery. The hidden costs and recurring costs are not to be sneezed at. I just canceled my card, because of that.

[Nausea]

The hidden costs and recurring costs are not to be sneezed at.

Recurring costs? Like the hangovers?

[Thompson]

The hidden costs and recurring costs are not to be sneezed at.

Recurring costs? Like the hangovers?

No, the cost of delivery and the monthly cost to be signed up with, say Drizzly, and the hidden tax charges you don’t see with the order. Frankly, I don’t give a fuck about extra charges, just get the shit over here and I’ll pay whatever. But then later it is an obvious ripoff.

[Thompson]

I have trouble with her name. It’s a boy name and a girl name. An actor’s name, he played on that movie Airplane. Leslie, that’s it. Thank You Jesus. That’s her name. I’m off to visit her as soon as I can pull myself together and make it to the pool hall. She’s so pretty, moves around like a dancer, smokes a cigarette just as cool as you please, drinks half shots of Jameson with Miller High Life backs. Works at Brother’s Three behind the bar in the afternoon then hustles pool at Grits Pool Parlor in the evening. Something to behold, she is. I can beat her at straight pool, makes her mad when I do.

[oettinger]

I have trouble with her name. It’s a boy name and a girl name. An actor’s name, he played on that movie Airplane. Leslie, that’s it. Thank You Jesus. That’s her name. I’m off to visit her as soon as I can pull myself together and make it to the pool hall. She’s so pretty, moves around like a dancer, smokes a cigarette just as cool as you please, drinks half shots of Jameson with Miller High Life backs. Works at Brother’s Three behind the bar in the afternoon then hustles pool at Grits Pool Parlor in the evening. Something to behold, she is. I can beat her at straight pool, makes her mad when I do.

sounds familiar

[Thompson]

I don’t have no excuse to tell you the truth, and I feel low down and mean. There’s this pain that won’t go away, it’s in the shoulder area. Fuck, it hurts man, and it is there every time I wake up. So I’m sleeping and thinking, just don’t wake up. Doesn’t work that way of course. No, you have to deal with the pain, face it head on. So I opened the bottle of Jim Beam and took a big pull. Let it swirl around up there and took another big pull. I ain’t no pussy I can take big pulls. Then I went outside to smoke a cigarette. The weird guy across the street was outside fiddling with his car so I smoked the cig fast and went back inside. Then I got a cold can of Harley Davidson limited edition Budweisers and cracked it open. Man, if you can crack open a cold can of beer then you still have a chance.

[Thompson]

Yeah, ya gotta chance. If you can crack open that cold can of beer there’s a chance. Have to have one of them spare church key openers laying around in case though. Sometimes those tabs are faulty. The bottles of course are more reliable and easier to open but Good God , I cannot in my good conscience put bottles in the trash can. They pick up once a week. Let’s see, that would be about 48 bottles of beer (if I was being conservative) and the fellas down here have to lift the trash cans into the garbage truck. I see those guys, man, and I know I couldn’t do it.

[Thompson]

Now the shoulder pain is back. Now what? And it fucking hurts. But you have to say it without sound. You have to think it without sound. There is a writer who does that ‘without’ sound thing, made it famous, David Goodis is his name. Apparently I make too much sound. Cursing and moaning because I am in fucking Pain! Well, okay, I see the flip side, nobody wants to hear that. So, it will be a scream of pain without sound. There will be all this pain but not an ear of sound. That’s gonna take some practice, fellas.

[Thompson]

The one thing you can’t do is cough without sound.

[Thompson]

Another thing, related to sound, is the number of “guests” that are visiting the thread. I think that number is bullshit, I don’t think anybody is visiting anybody. It’s some kind of gimmick to make you think your posts are being read, but they are not.

[Thompson]

Right now there are 17 guests visiting this thread. Who the fuck are these guests? Sometimes I see an actual name, but not often. I’m in a bad mood again today so I apologize up front. Who fucking cares? Nobody gives a fuck.

[oettinger]

Right now there are 17 guests visiting this thread. Who the fuck are these guests?

Bots they are called, it`s an IT thing. Not real humans

[Thompson]

That makes sense I guess, lots of bots around though. Anyway I forgot what I was going to say. Oh yeah, it had to do with the new thread Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health. Everybody is welcome to post and argue and be shitty to the next guy and have a shot of the hard. I’m going back to the shot glass myself instead of hitting on the bottle. See, that’s what we’re talking about - a theory of diet and health.

[oettinger]

Ok Mr. T. Rock it!

[Thompson]

Thank you Oettinger, you will probably regret it. Hold up now. No, I spelled your name right. See, that’s another theory of diet and health - always spell everything right. So I’ve been contemplating this new thread and deciding what to post and I’ve decided it doesn’t matter because it doesn’t matter. Now, I’m a bit low on Budweiser but the Burnett’s is in good shape. What you can’t do is force a diet and health principle (especially a Thompson one) on yourself or a loved one. You have to come at it through the back door, and it’s best (IMO, since these are my theories) to wait until midnight. Then we can play all those after midnight songs. We can get down to what’s really wrong, and we can pour us all a Well Deserved glass of Irish.