A Warped Tale of a Friday Night Drinking Binge

[Brad@the Bar]

A Tale about two Fridays ago, on the verge of just too much alcohol.

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Friday we started our grand drinking adventure in a Vietnamese restaurant. Yes I know what you were thinking, they do other things then nails? Yes. Between UN explainable gibberish being screamed into cell phones all around us, to the little vietcongesk men in funny hats popping randomly out of the floor to hand people their food, clear tables, and occasionally whip out the binoculars to see who was coming through the front door, we had our first drink, or actually first bottle of wine. Not Viet’ese Wine, not sure if they make wine, I think they tend to use that noun as a verb in their business establishments…the noise grades even still on my soul, or what is left of it.

We then made our way to a bar called Absolutely Goosed. It was a pinching experience with over 40 different Martinis. Now I am not saying I was thrown into the middle of an episode of Police Academy, but this could have been the Blue Oyster Club in Drag if it hadn’t been for the blue collar feminists who stared lovingly as I walked into the door. Who would have guessed the most popular drink was AllotaVagina Martini…We settled into a tasty intoxicating run at pages 6 – 11 of the menu. To tell you the truth, I don’t remember page 11, but at some point we had killed a Kermit(ini) and watched Bug’sBunny in Drag(tini)… Sure you won’t find the high brow Republican pollsters hanging out for brew, but it has an impressive menu, and by the end of that bar, well I did compliment a few of these charming patrons on their plaid, Eddie Bauer look. Spiky Hair, moody attire, it works for them. After all, Lesbians and men have more in common then either would admit too.

Onward Bar’tian followers to the hippie bar that I love. In the cold of night, literally, it was fucking freezing Friday night; we sat around a camp fire on the back patio and drank Long Island teas. Mmmmmmmmmm tequila…Of course as the party was just starting the bar was closing, and then the decision was made…lets go to the 3:00 AM bars for just one more drink…you know…one more drink.

The Prep, The Goth, Hippie, and Vietcong…all mixed and matched in the bar of last resort. A place with little nitch rooms that remind me of opium dens, not because of the smoke, but the Chinese women, huge bongs, and just the right mix of British accents telling old trading ship stories. There was the droning of techno babble dance mixing in the “lounge” and the Jell-O Shot room, which surprisingly not a room filled with air mattresses and a kegger with Greek letters on the wall. I was saddened by this fact….but we proceeded to drink like we hadn’t drank all night.

I don’t know how we ended up in a car with circus midgets….luckily home was a mere 9 blocks away…….if the cute midget Mandy ever gets this story…Call me…..I have your nose. Yes I do….good girl.

~Brad