Drunkard Injuries

Remember what happened last night? Good. Now tell the world.

Moderators: Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, Judge, oettinger, Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator

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TheDrunkardAnglo
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Re: drinking injuries...

Post by TheDrunkardAnglo »

oettinger wrote:Cigarette burns in my fav clothing is unnecessary and happens much too often
I know your pain good sir.
Major Strasser: What is your nationality?
Rick: I'm a drunkard.
Captain Renault: That makes Rick a citizen of the world.

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ThirstyDrunk
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Re: drinking injuries...

Post by ThirstyDrunk »

In a bar full of drunks I lit my cigarette with a cheap ass give away cracklighter. Just threw the lighter in my shirt pocket and in a bit I smelled something. Cheap ass lighter didn't go out, lit me aflame, before I could get it out burned off my nipple and armpit hairs on my left side, along with ruining one of my favorite shirts . It was a cool shirt.
I was in a band at the time, we had just gotten off stage, some people thought it was part of the show and applauded.
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought

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oettinger
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oettinger »

They that injuries happen ten times more often in your own household. Multiply that with not your own household, but your knee, and multiply again with a crowbar on a drunken monday morning. It hurts. I feel humang again after my first drinks
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Badfellow
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Hall of Drunken Injuries

Post by Badfellow »

Here's a classy one to start things rolling...

There's a guy who lives in the 'burbs named Derek. We call him Derek the Dalek for the loud, droning voice he takes on after passing the half liter mark on a bottle of Wild Turkey. It seems that Derek was extra special stupid drunk once upon a weekend afternoon, and after having recently downed a lot of malt liquor needed to take a shit. That part proceeded without major incident. But apparently when he went to get up from the thunder mug, he over corrected in his balance, or more likely stumbled, and went barreling through the screen, head first, out the nearby open window.

You can imagine the surprise of the neighbors who were having a barbecue. "Oh, look honey. Here comes that drunk, dumbass Dalek from next door falling out the window into the juniper hedge with his pants around his ankles."

As for Dumbass Derek the Drunken Dalek, he's probably a pimp or a state senator by now with a scar in the middle of his primate looking forehead from where the juniper got a good dig.



What tell have you for The Halls of Drunken Injuries?
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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oettinger
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Re: Hall of Drunken Injuries

Post by oettinger »

Badfellow wrote:
You can imagine the surprise of the neighbors who were having a barbecue. "Oh, look honey. Here comes that drunk, dumbass Dalek from next door falling out the window into the BBQ
The whitelife middleclass father called Bob (the one that sings every morning raising the star sprangled banner) screaming: " He Hit Our Burgers!"

Ità HAM again, that guy is toast!
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oldsmartskunk
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Re: Hall of Drunken Injuries

Post by oldsmartskunk »

I don't judge drunks, might they be smart or stupid. Anyone who drinks does stupid things from time to time.

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oettinger
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Re: Hall of Drunken Injuries

Post by oettinger »

oldsmartskunk wrote:I don't judge drunks, might they be smart or stupid. Anyone who drinks does stupid things from time to time.
Haha "from time to time", good one
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Re: Hall of Drunken Injuries

Post by Frankennietzsche »

I will have you know, sir or madam, that I have never injured, embarrassed or perjured my own self while intoxicated. I have acted above reproach and with a modicum of balance and poise. Top drawer, all the way.
“Süßen witwe Mutter-Hosen — kommst du hier mit mein knackenpfeife schnell, oder Ich zeige Ihnen mein Zuhälter Hand!”

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"Rectum? It nearly killed him!"

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Badfellow
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Re: Hall of Drunken Injuries

Post by Badfellow »

F. Scott Fitzbullshit wrote:I will have you know, sir or madam, that I have never injured, embarrassed or perjured my own self while intoxicated. I have acted above reproach and with a modicum of balance and poise. Top drawer, all the way.
Indeed, sir or madam. Indeed.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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Re: Hall of Drunken Injuries

Post by givemesomepils »

let's see... well my most recent one was burning my lips on my e cigarette because i took the to off, and forgot. the went to take a puff, and had red hot kanthal touching my mouth.
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." hunter s. thompson god rest his soul

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oettinger
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Re: Hall of Drunken Injuries

Post by oettinger »

Me and the russian buddy once got drunk on a sunday and in the afternoon we went for a refill at the gas station.
On the way, towards our direction stumbled an old fat ugly stinky lady. She fell very badly and bleeded from multiple wounds.
We went to help her and turns out she`s not speaking german, rather something from the balkan regions.
She was disoriented as hell and kept a couple of travel ads to the bahamas or something like that with her. "Need to go there" was the only thing she was able to say not even noticing her bleeding wounds.
Thank god the parademic showed up soon enough and we could go on catching more booze.
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oldsmartskunk
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Re: Hall of Drunken Injuries

Post by oldsmartskunk »

Got so drunk i passed out in mid conversation with my friend. Fell flat on my face. When i regained consciousness i looked like a bloody mess. Somehow i bit my upper lip. It didn't look too good in the morning. Bruises on my face stayed there for months.

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oettinger
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Re: Hall of Drunken Injuries

Post by oettinger »

oldsmartskunk wrote:Got so drunk i passed out in mid conversation with my friend. Fell flat on my face. When i regained consciousness i looked like a bloody mess. Somehow i bit my upper lip. It didn't look too good in the morning. Bruises on my face stayed there for months.
That`s what friends are for, never touch my drink again cunt or else
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oettinger
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Re: Hall of Drunken Injuries

Post by oettinger »

Live fast, drink a lot, they say
What`s the healthiest way to live unhealthy?
My drinking habit is killing my heroin addiction.
I`m pissing blood, as a counter I sliced my veins open.
When they do an autopsy, they will say your bloody liver was a "self inflicted wound"
My breakfast contains more unhealthy drugs drinks and cigs than your favorite rock bands dinner

I slipped visiting the Hall and broke my will.
I need another bumwine
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DivaBitch
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Re: Hall of Drunken Injuries

Post by DivaBitch »

oettinger wrote:Me and the russian buddy once got drunk on a sunday and in the afternoon we went for a refill at the gas station.
On the way, towards our direction stumbled an old fat ugly stinky lady. She fell very badly and bleeded from multiple wounds.
We went to help her and turns out she`s not speaking german, rather something from the balkan regions.
She was disoriented as hell and kept a couple of travel ads to the bahamas or something like that with her. "Need to go there" was the only thing she was able to say not even noticing her bleeding wounds.
Thank god the parademic showed up soon enough and we could go on catching more booze.
did yuo at leest get laid
"If it feels good do it again, if it still feels good you're doing it right"
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