UK holidays

[oettinger]

I spent a whole hour putting the booze and cigarettes in my sportsbag so they won`t get broken during my transit-flights to the UK.
Got a bottle of cointreau, a double-korn schnaps and kalyskaya vodka in a shoe carton, tied up with socks and underwear. Topped them with a bottle of Stroh (oh you nasty one) and a bottle of grassroot vodka. Cigarette cartons to every side, two L&Ms red and one Marlboro red.

Was at dusseldorf airport early enough to change some euros into pounds for flight drinks.
There I was sitting in the smokers lounge wondering what this trip would be turning into.

When I arrived at Manchester airport I immediatly started to hate it, crowded, loud, full of buisnessmen and what seemed to be soccer fans. To top it off the described gates for transit-flights were closed...

The beer they served was mostly horrible but what else to do than drinking overpriced beer at an airport when almost three hours were to be bridged?
Talking about overpriced, the onboard prices were quite ridiculous, 4 pounds for a small reddish irish cider which name I have quickly forgotten.

When I arrived at P`s place I was finally able to drink without worrying of using one of the plane`s tiny bathrooms as I don`t fit in these...

Next day the two other fellows arrived and the real drinking begun.
Passing out at six in the evening was quite the usual for me, then wake up and pass out at 10 again only to wake up at 8 the next morning to start this havoc on the liver again.

This went on till monday, when the two left us again.
P sent me to town to a particular pub and with the help of some friendly local I managed to find it. Got really drunk in that place but after one too many they pleasently told me I had enough. Well I said, tell my buddy I`m lying down the street on the greens. But after that it was „switch off“ and I got lost...

We spend the rest of the week getting loaded and watched DVDs.

Then it was my turn to take my flight home.

I am usually a good travel person, just bored mostly. But for some reason I started sweating profoundly and security must have thought: This guy is on some serious withdrawals.

Well, they were right, luckily I got some medication in my system, but that stuff made me dizzy and unable to read my book. So there I was sitting in waiting areas of airports with anxiety and people looking at me as if I was the first person to bring ebola virus into europe.
I still managed to go through fourty pages of my book, but for 6 hours plus that is not quick exactly...

Then they said the plane from manchester back to dusseldorf couldn`t start because of some technical difficulties. Well fuck!

When we finally took off the two most annoying smartass think they are funny german assholes were sitting behind me (you have probably seen the security advising a thousand times, the stewardess knows this also, but please don`t be louder than her and shut up FOR A FUCKING MINUTE, you are not funny anyway!!!!!!). I was ready to punch those fuckers. Both were fat and stupid and when they ordered crisps to snack on I was about to throw them out midflight.

Then we finally flew over home turf and were greeted by a thunderstorm, haha, I thought, I am already dead! The up and down were a nice rolercoasterride. Those suckers were quite all of a sudden.

When we landed though that fat fucktard of a stupid man stood up before the „open seat belt“ sign went off, behaving like the most anti-law, coolest twat fucker guy. The stewardess even repeatedly asked to „sit down please“ but he was making jokes of her. What a CUN T.
I gave him the deadliest look I could at the monent (I was looking like a zombie by that time anyway) and he quickly quit his stupid act.

Well here am I now, and this whole week already seems like far distance, weird.



Palinka, shout out, what a great host you are. Enjoyed it a freakin boozing lot!!!

Have another vodka and a Royal smoke!

[mistah willies]

Holy

fucking

Hell





That true tale would make Hunter S Thompson proud


DRINK!




cheers to a generous and gracious host indeed, a fine Scot

[oettinger]

Thank you Willies!

Its tearing my eyes,

for the alcohol in my eyes reason

[booznik]

Thank you Willies!

Its tearing my eyes,

for the alcohol in my eyes reason

Quickly, clean those eyes up!

[Palinka (RIP)]

oettinger you were a great guest (I hardly had to sedate/medicate you at all). You will be welcome to revisit; as would the others. All I would ask is, please don't try to be humorous; you are funny "enough" when you are just being you.

BTW Mad Props on getting banned (for one day, only) from buying booze from the entire city centre, after only 90 minutes. That is pretty special (try to work on those "maintaining" skills, for next time, please).

[booznik]

...oettinger you were a great guest (I hardly had to sedate/medicate you at all)...

I heard a rumor that the two of you, never mind the others, consumed so much vodka that there was a brief shortage and panic in the UK.

That's how it's done, folks.

[oettinger]

Booz, this is where rumors and reality really get out of hand.
I mean, didn`t you see the alcoholics in the south western US suddenly rush to the stores?


Btw, I wasn`t really banned, they just put me "on hold"

[Mr. Viking]

I wonder will my photos be developed, or just destroyed by the camera shop

[mistah willies]

Booz, this is where rumors and reality really get out of hand.
I mean, didn`t you see the alcoholics in the south western US suddenly rush to the stores?

Btw, I wasn`t really banned, they just put me "on hold"

Like a telephony? Have they Dryed out in that city green? At least the old lady with the man-face was kind... She must have secrets you know...

I wonder will my photos be developed, or just destroyed by the camera shop

If you'd left it on a table, would it have survived the demolition? Hmmm. Consider: If a busted disposable camera was interspersed with broken table splinters in the night, could a dedicated film-developer help?

Follow me here: The tiny pieces of film would develop into fragments, to be put back together by a dedicated puzzler, or perhaps make a collage, a kaleidoscopic image of your time with them other mighty Drunkardists?


Which one would be apt?

[booznik]

...I mean, didn`t you see the alcoholics in the south western US suddenly rush to the stores?...

With regularity. You've seen how much booze I buy. When I enter a shop, people immediately start thumbing on their phones, warning that the place is going to get emptied.

[Mr. Viking]

If you'd left it on a table, would it have survived the demolition? Hmmm. Consider: If a busted disposable camera was interspersed with broken table splinters in the night, could a dedicated film-developer help?

If a man crashes through a table and is too drunk to hear it, does he make a sound?

[oettinger]

...I mean, didn`t you see the alcoholics in the south western US suddenly rush to the stores?...

With regularity. You've seen how much booze I buy. When I enter a shop, people immediately start thumbing on their phones, warning that the place is going to get emptied.

You are one of the few outlaws who stop the truck before they can even deliver to the store.

Oh and btw we didn`t destroy as much as I thought. In fact we behaved quite well. The only thing in total shambles were my inner organs, but that was the plan anyway. Who is up for roasted liver, lung and kidney today?

[booznik]

If a man crashes through a table and is too drunk to hear it, does he make a sound?

[oettinger]

The incredible ALC turns yellow with time, not green

I told Palinka how much fun it must be to drive an UK car on mainland europe. The Passenger is drinking bourbon straight from the bottle, smoking, eating a big king and searching for an AC DC casette in the footspace while you are overtaking unbeknownst cars on the highway. The looks on their faces while they are calling highway police must be utterly hilarious!

[booznik]

The incredible ALC turns yellow with time, not green

Your good friend John Disse?

Those UK drivers are all dirty lefties. And the Aussies and Kiwis too. Something about which side you held your lance on while charging on a horse. So the rumor goes.

The Japanese decided to join the club just to be weird, because that's their specialty.

Red state, blue state.