LA FLEUR DU MAL CH 7 BLACK CHASERS

[The Urbane Spaceman]

Well hello there my good friend. How have you been? Take a chair; one of those by the fireplace. How about a tune while I fix a drink for you?

Would you care for something dark? How about some of this black ink? It suits a November tale just fine. I have black rum. There is black ale, if you need a chaser. Sometimes, it is fun to be chased, isn’t that right?


Let’s call this chapter: “La Fleur Du Mal CH 7 : Black Chases You” for no reason at all. It is dedicated to the DRINK! of booznik. He was one of the few who chases very well. Will you chase me now?


I see you’ve finished your drink. Here, grab this bottle, help yourself, light up your shmoke, and settle back into your easy chair as we begin.


Let’s go.



SAYMYNAMESAYMYNAMESAYMYNAMESAYMYNAMESUAYMYNAMEMAYSNYSMAMNEMSYANMENAMENYSYAAMENAMENAMENAMEN AMEN NAMEN AMEN




“Urb. The boys are back.”

“Jerry. Stop saying my name in front of these bastards.”



“URB! What the fuck happened in here? You OK?”

“Hey there, Joseph! Yeah, don’t mind the clot salad. Ya know, you should clean these walls sometimes. I mean, look at all this shit.”




“Um, hey, Urb, why are all the lights on?”

“Oh, well, it’s almost X-mas time. I got some presents for ya.”




Joey came around the corner form the hallway and he dropped his groceries. He said, “What the fuck is going on here?”

The giant punk rocker stood up and he said to joey, “I am the fuck that is going on here.”



Joey grabbed his parcels and headed off to his room. In a few moments, he came running back out. He said, “You bastards used my fucking pillow cases?”

I said, “Of course! I don’t own fancy shit like that.”




Joey walked over to the three smashed up dudes sitting there with bloody pillow cases over their heads. He bent down and shouted into the face of the closest one. He said, “Why you bleeding all over my linens!?”

That woke up the poor fucker. Fucking thief. He responded. Loser #1 said, “AHHHH!!”




Joey stood back up and he said, “Oh. OK. You must be in the wrong place at the wrong time, huh.”

All three bag heads nodded. Joey grabbed my pack of smokes form the table and nodded to the front door.



Outside, it did not smell so bad. It did not smell like fear, like pain, vomit and shit. The desert air lent the fragrance of flowers that bloom at night. Joey sparked up some of our own scent. Tobacco is a lovely night time scent, you know.


He said, “Our friend just dropped me off. He got some other bidness here. I can go get him. You want me to do that?”


I took a deep haul form my own cig and held it in for a bit, and then I slowly blew it into the stars above. I grinned. I said, “Nope.”


Joey nodded. He inhaled his cig and then flicked it into the grass. It landed near the two slug trails that had been left a thousand years ago. Those trails converged into an X. It marked the spot. Nexus.



I said, “Jerry came back here in his vehicle.”

Joey said, “Well, good on Sean and that Monica chick. True to their word.”



I nodded. I said, “Yup. No doubt. Prolly getting his balls wet now huh.”

Joey grinned. He said, “Yup. Good for him. So, what you boys got in mind?”



It was my turn to grin. I said, “Let’s go put the fear of blackness into those boys.”

Joey cackled like a crow.




DRINKDINKDRINKDRINKDRINKDRINKINKINKINKDRINKINKDRINKINKDRINKINGDRINKINGINKINKINK INK KING GIN INK





“So… you boys. How many times have you come here?” Joey sat down at the fourth chair. He sparked up another cigarette. He leaned in close.

The one closest to him said, “This be our third time. We don’t mean no ham. Honest, sir, we never meant for this to happen!” He began to shiver.



Joey said, “Close your eyes.”

The poor fellow began to shake. He said, “Please, mister, please don’t hurt me!”
Joey said, “You didn’t mean for this to happen? You did not mean for this to HAPPEN?!”




The bag head pissed his pants. He said, “I didn’t mean to, um, I didn’t mean to --- I’m sorry!”

Joey said, “You did not mean to get caught, huh. Is that it?”



Bag head said, “Well, it’s not like that!”

Joey said, “Close your eyes.” Then he slowly dragged the dirty pillow case up so he could see the man’s face. He got a good look, and then he pulled the pillow case back down.



Bag head said, “Oh, please, keep it off. This thing smells so bad.”

Joey laughed. He said, “It smells like shit in my front hallway. Did you make a mess in there? You smell like shit.” Then he went and lifted his own pillowcases off the faces of the other two, one at a time, and pulled them back down. He wanted to see their faces. He tied them pillowcases around they necks, on the back.



He nodded at Jerry. Jerry stood up, and he came over with the clothesline from the broken laundry rack in the broken patio. Jerry set to tying their wrists behind their backs.


The little lion man stood up and beckoned me to the patio. I grabbed my bottle of rum and went along. Joey must have gotten an idea.


I slid the glass door shut behind me, so we could have some privacy. I said, “you got a spark, huh.”

Joey laughed. He said, “I saw them sitting there all fucked up, with my pillow cases over they heads. You boys broke them good!”




I said, “Fuck them. You thinking of tossing them in the canal?”


Joey’s eyes went wide. He said, “Oh hell no! Jeebus, Urb. Calm down. I mean, damn. Remind me not to piss you off too much.”



I grinned. I said, “Shit. Joseph, I’m all ramped up. Of course not. No one’s gonna die tonight. Not by my hands.”


He said, “I was thinking, ya know, how they them pillow cases over their heads. They look kind of like they trick o’ treating.”


I laughed hard. I laughed and it brought tears to my eyes. I understood. It was a bad idea. Those are the best. I said, “Drop them off somewhere, looking like that, all tied up with hoods over they faces?”



He said, “Yup. Naked. We gonna draw on them with they own shit. On their chests and backs. Leave it for others to figure out. We gonna wake up the neighborhood in that part of town. They can find their own way back.”



It was just so crazy that it might work. Wait, I mean, it was a damn fine idea.




Jerry drove us all down to the most southern part of town, to a mission chapel, across the street form the whorehouses. It was the dirtiest pace in Fuckno at that time. Don't know how it is now. We heaved them poor bastards out, all dressed up with hoods on they heads, and swastikas on they chests.


Yeah, we were assholes.



...Huh....






---Urb out.


.

[oldsmartskunk]

You were not assholes. You did the right thing. Especially with ZID and booze coursing through your veins. Most of people would have done much, so much worse. They did steal from you didn't they? A slight beating seems appropriate !

[oettinger]

What a great tale!

Drop em off in front of the biker`s bad madame`s front yard

[oettinger]

Urp, are u buzzed?

[The Urbane Spaceman]

^ ^ ^


Yes.

You are correct.