TERMINUS CH 3 : ANGER MGMT

[The Urbane Spaceman]

It was never my intention to do harm to others. These things that have happened, these true incidents,


…well,


I was there when they occurred.


I know, sounds like a bail out, huh.


Perhaps it is, for me.


However, it was not my intention to do harm on nayone else. Maybe I stayed behind in Fuckno after my mom and my sisters left for a reason.


Maybe I remained there in Fuckno so that I wouldn’t have to face the fact that I hated my own father when he was dying form cancer when I was starting out in the teenager part of each of our lives, you and me.


Dude was never able to play a game of catch with a baseball, or teach me how to throw a spin on the football, or whatever.


Hated him for his angry pain in his powerful chemotherapy and unfocused radiation treatments in them early 80’s,


…hated him for telling me on his death bed in the hospital to take of my little sisters because I was the Man now.


Hated him for bailing on me.


Boo fucking Hoo.




Maybe self-punishment comes in many forms, for different reasons, and this must have been mine. Fuckno afforded many opportunities to lose one’s self in the desert.


Raise a chalice of your own private stock towards those whom have left us.



Looking at you, P.

Bastard. It’s your fault that I have to finish this shit up. Promises promises




DRINK towards Patrick Tilbury, amen.




*AHEM*



The giant punk rocker we knew and hated as “Fat Jerry” looked down on me and he frowned. He said, “Urb. Something about you is… I don’t know… Different.”


The punk band started in their guitar jam when everyone jumped in the pit and swung their fists and hopped about. You know this. Usually, it is a release and also, community. A community of rage. It helps, and then you expend the anger and you are connected to all the others.



I looked up at Fat Jerry and I said,


“Hah? I cunt hear you! I have an ear in-fuck-tion!”



Then I jumped in the pit. This tune approximates the bad-assery of the music at that moment, but this song by them Foos says a lot here and now. Dogs and birds start my day, every day. Turn the fucking sound up in your headphones, or amp, or both at the same time.

Rocket. Rock this friggin thing.





In the pit, I let loose.


I swung around with my fists, I kneed up and kicked with my boots and stomped like them Mohicans, and I did not help anyone else up when I knocked them down.



My behavior made everyone else act in the same way. It got ugly. Fat Jerry grabbed me up and hefted me back, as wild as I was, an angry Injun.



I was angry.


I think I was not truly angry at Joey.


I was angry at someone else.


Rrrrr.




Ok.



Enough for tonight.


Damn. This is very close to the ending of all these tales, you know.


Tune to make you laugh, after all this heavy shit. Hey, keep with me here.


It gets much worse.


Take a sip now, form your own chalice.


G’nite.





.

[oettinger]

Ha! I`ve always hated these overly aggressive kids in mosh pits. I tried to avoid them at all costs - the only other alternative would be to knock them the fuck out. And I don`t do that, I`m too nice