Homer: "Besides, it's an excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday."
Marge: "Homer, todays Tuesday, and you've allready had 7 beers."
Homer: "Yeah, but im not drunk..."
88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
Marge: "Bart, where'd you go after school?"
Bart: "Um, I was at... the Flower shop!"
Homer: "yeah, me too...the flower shop...Yep, gettin' loaded at the old Flower Shop"
Homer J Simpson
Moderators: Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, Judge, oettinger, Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator
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- Lord of Benders
- Posts: 282
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- Contact:
stupidity capital punishment
Evilbreeder's idea for stupidity capital punishment? FINALLY, a man
with the brains to be my leader!
with the brains to be my leader!
homer quote
when homer finds bart and milhouse dressed in womens clothes:
I want an explanation, and it better be a non-gay one!
Milhouse:we're drunk..........REAL drunk!
Homer:(relieved)well thats ok then :roll:
- coqui_chris
- Drinking Like W.C.
- Posts: 6482
- Joined: Tue Jun 03, 2003 4:09 pm
- Location: 610, PA
Too many ...
"I'm feeling down Apu. You got any of that imported beer with the skittles floating around in it. You know, Skittlebrau?"
"Such a beer does not exist, sir, you must have imagined it"
"awww ... ok, I'll have a six pack and a pack of skittles"
When Marge was a cop ...
"Homer, you're parked across three parking spots"
"I'll only be a second marge, I've just got to buy some beer for some underage kids"
When Homer was a vigilante ...
"Underage kids drinking beer without a permit!"
***
later, in response to the headline
"I wasn't asleep, I was drunk!"
And my all-time favorite Simpsons beer moment is when Homer explains to Lisa and Bart how he and Barney had beer as young kids, and a flashback shows a long wagon pile-up into a tree. Young Barney tells Homer, "Let's never drink again." The scene cuts back to the grownup Homer on the couch with Lisa and Bart, and he says "And we never did," and then casually takes a sip of a beer can.
"I'm feeling down Apu. You got any of that imported beer with the skittles floating around in it. You know, Skittlebrau?"
"Such a beer does not exist, sir, you must have imagined it"
"awww ... ok, I'll have a six pack and a pack of skittles"
When Marge was a cop ...
"Homer, you're parked across three parking spots"
"I'll only be a second marge, I've just got to buy some beer for some underage kids"
When Homer was a vigilante ...
"Underage kids drinking beer without a permit!"
***
later, in response to the headline
"I wasn't asleep, I was drunk!"
And my all-time favorite Simpsons beer moment is when Homer explains to Lisa and Bart how he and Barney had beer as young kids, and a flashback shows a long wagon pile-up into a tree. Young Barney tells Homer, "Let's never drink again." The scene cuts back to the grownup Homer on the couch with Lisa and Bart, and he says "And we never did," and then casually takes a sip of a beer can.
"To avoid criticism: Do nothing, Say nothing, Be nothing" - Fred Shero
"You hear players, media people say it's tough to play in Philly in front of these fans. To those people, I say, you didn't have the guts to succeed here." - John Kruk
"You hear players, media people say it's tough to play in Philly in front of these fans. To those people, I say, you didn't have the guts to succeed here." - John Kruk
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- Moderator
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- Location: In The Liquor Cabinet
Holy moley, that's a classic. I almost (note: almost) spat out my beer re-reading that one.Poodog wrote:My favorite Homer and Marge exchange:
"but Marge, every time I learn something new I forget something else. Remember when I took that Wine making class and forgot how to drive?"
"You didn't forget, you were drunk!"
"And HOW!"
"If I had all the money that I've spent on drink, I'd spend it on drink!"
"The trouble with internet quotes is that one can never be sure if they are genuine." - Abraham Lincoln
Kindly listen to this, please.
ドロンケン
"The trouble with internet quotes is that one can never be sure if they are genuine." - Abraham Lincoln
Kindly listen to this, please.
ドロンケン
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- Hooching Like Hemingway
- Posts: 3548
- Joined: Tue May 27, 2003 4:01 pm
- Location: on the beach, kicking a hippie.
- Contact:
can't remember exactly, but it was something like:
marge: you've been drinking!
homer: i only had one..... or twelve
cops don't think variations on that are very funny.
me: well officer, i only had one or two..... six packs.
first dui
marge: you've been drinking!
homer: i only had one..... or twelve
cops don't think variations on that are very funny.
me: well officer, i only had one or two..... six packs.
first dui
road to hell is paved with unbought stuffed dogs.
"I AM TOO DRUNK TO TASTE THIS CHICKEN."
colonel sanders
http://meetme.hotornot.com/r/?emid=K8ERHQN
i'm not saying i beat the devil, but i drank his beer for nothin'.... then i stole his song.
"I AM TOO DRUNK TO TASTE THIS CHICKEN."
colonel sanders
http://meetme.hotornot.com/r/?emid=K8ERHQN
i'm not saying i beat the devil, but i drank his beer for nothin'.... then i stole his song.
- fdoosey
- Drinking God's Good Scotch
- Posts: 2500
- Joined: Thu May 08, 2003 1:12 pm
- Location: West Jabip
- Contact:
If the tales I was regaled with as a kid, the cops were much more forgiving about driving drunk about 30 years ago. I remember my father giving me this gem:
Cop: "Are you drunk?"
Dad: "If I'm not, I wasted an awful lot of money."
Apparently the cops understood men back then drank and drove, but tried not to hassle them unless they were erratic - after all, they had families to provide for.
I'm not saying driving while 'faced is good, but at least there wasn't such a fascist mentality to it.
Cop: "Are you drunk?"
Dad: "If I'm not, I wasted an awful lot of money."
Apparently the cops understood men back then drank and drove, but tried not to hassle them unless they were erratic - after all, they had families to provide for.
I'm not saying driving while 'faced is good, but at least there wasn't such a fascist mentality to it.
http://www.sammichmen.com
methfront: the man who wanted to steal a shopping cart of bowling balls and drop them from the back of a car down route 36 doesn't want to sow bitterness
fdoosey: No, he just wanted to have fun with a shopping cart of bowling balls.
methfront: the man who wanted to steal a shopping cart of bowling balls and drop them from the back of a car down route 36 doesn't want to sow bitterness
fdoosey: No, he just wanted to have fun with a shopping cart of bowling balls.
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- Hooching Like Hemingway
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- Joined: Tue May 27, 2003 4:01 pm
- Location: on the beach, kicking a hippie.
- Contact:
a friend told me a drnking and driving story once. he said he was hammered, driving about 110 in a 55 when he saw the flashing blue lights. the cop said "i've been waiting for you all night."
my friend replied "i got here as fast as i could." he said the cop almost fell down laughing and told him to slow down and get home in one piece.
my friend replied "i got here as fast as i could." he said the cop almost fell down laughing and told him to slow down and get home in one piece.
road to hell is paved with unbought stuffed dogs.
"I AM TOO DRUNK TO TASTE THIS CHICKEN."
colonel sanders
http://meetme.hotornot.com/r/?emid=K8ERHQN
i'm not saying i beat the devil, but i drank his beer for nothin'.... then i stole his song.
"I AM TOO DRUNK TO TASTE THIS CHICKEN."
colonel sanders
http://meetme.hotornot.com/r/?emid=K8ERHQN
i'm not saying i beat the devil, but i drank his beer for nothin'.... then i stole his song.