Back in the days of the British Empire, a Colonel was inspecting a field hospital.
He goes up to a soldier in the first room and asks "What's wrong with you, Private?" "Dysentry, Sir!" "What's the treatment?" "Wire brush, sir, to the affected place, sir, three times a day, sir" "And your ambition?" "To get well, sir, to serve the Queen and Country, sir!".He goes up to a soldier in the second room and asks "What's wrong with you, Private?" "Syphillis, Sir!" "What's the treatment?" "Wire brush, sir, to the affected place, sir, three times a day, sir" "And your ambition?" "To get well, sir, to serve the Queen and Country, sir!".Finally. he goes up to a soldier in the third room and asks "What's wrong with you, Private?" "Sore throat, Sir!" "What's the treatment?" "Wire brush, sir, to the affected place, sir, three times a day, sir" "And your ambition?" "To be first with the wire brush, sir!"
Offensive bar jokes
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Re: Offensive bar jokes
What's worse than reindeer peeing on your roof? Santa Claus coming down your chimney.
I'll miss you, pallie.
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Re: Offensive bar jokes
Daniel Craig.
I mean, his joke, to wit:
"What's the most disgusting thing you can think of?
Shoving five oysters up your grandmother's cunt and sucking out six."
I mean, his joke, to wit:
"What's the most disgusting thing you can think of?
Shoving five oysters up your grandmother's cunt and sucking out six."
Can we drink now? ---peetie44
At rock bottom, there is no down. ---The Oett
^ ^ ^ Yes his entire cutlery set and all utensils are made from assorted broken bottles.--- The Artful Detective
Just remember Hugh: a good cocktail in a shitty glass is better that a shitty cocktail in a pretty glass.---The Badfellow
I'll buy the first round if you promise to stop being a cunt. --- Dear Booze
At rock bottom, there is no down. ---The Oett
^ ^ ^ Yes his entire cutlery set and all utensils are made from assorted broken bottles.--- The Artful Detective
Just remember Hugh: a good cocktail in a shitty glass is better that a shitty cocktail in a pretty glass.---The Badfellow
I'll buy the first round if you promise to stop being a cunt. --- Dear Booze
Re: Offensive bar jokes
A little boy asked his mother:
- Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
- Don’t even ask me that, > I remember that party..., your lucky that you don’t bark.
- Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
- Don’t even ask me that, > I remember that party..., your lucky that you don’t bark.
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- Lord of Benders
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Re: Offensive bar jokes
Me: -How do you do? I'm new in town. May I please ask what you drink 'round here?
Bartender: -Well we make great cocktails.
Me: -I'm not gay nor Japanese. I don't drink cocktails.
Bartender: -Well we make great cocktails.
Me: -I'm not gay nor Japanese. I don't drink cocktails.
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- Lord of Benders
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Re: Offensive bar jokes
-Daddy, if women ruled the world would there be peace on earth?
-Of course. There would just be countries rolling their eyes to eachothers.
-Of course. There would just be countries rolling their eyes to eachothers.
Re: Offensive bar jokes
Hey where is the fuck you pic with the Confederate Battle Flag? Put that thing back on!Backbone Robby Bobby wrote: ↑Fri Jun 17, 2022 6:53 pm-Daddy, if women ruled the world would there be peace on earth?
-Of course. There would just be countries rolling their eyes to eachothers.
Re: Offensive bar jokes
Yes, bring back the stars and bars pic. Also, since you are a fan of country music Robby Bobby, you have got to start listening to George Jones, Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, and David Allan Coe.
Everything in moderation, including moderation
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- Lord of Benders
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Re: Offensive bar jokes
How is it going Hugh? Most certainly. I put it back.Hugh wrote: ↑Fri Jun 17, 2022 8:09 pmHey where is the fuck you pic with the Confederate Battle Flag? Put that thing back on!Backbone Robby Bobby wrote: ↑Fri Jun 17, 2022 6:53 pm-Daddy, if women ruled the world would there be peace on earth?
-Of course. There would just be countries rolling their eyes to eachothers.
I see the confederate flag as a rallying for rock'n roll music VS DJs. It all started in the South with Little Richard, Georgia, Jerry Lee Lewis, Louisiana (Killer still with us!) and Elvis, Mississipi. Country and blues made a baby and we call it rock'n roll!
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- Lord of Benders
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Re: Offensive bar jokes
Hello Stendahl (the French author?). I know and listen to all those fiiiiine (southern drawl) outlaws. It's just that I'm not systematically against the new talents from Nashville. Fuck Pop country of course, but once in a while you have good new stuff too.
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Re: Offensive bar jokes
Fart jokes aren't offensive. Funny yes, but not offensive.Patchez wrote: ↑Sun Aug 05, 2012 6:27 amA girl is about to tie the knot, and is watching her mother bake biscuits in the kitchen.
"Mom?" she asks. "How do you keep Dad so happy after all these years of marriage?"
The mother promptly throws a wad of biscuit dough on the floor, hikes up her dress, and squats down, picking the dough up with
her privates.
"Practice this and when you can do it, I'll guarantee that your man will be satisfied for the rest of his life," said her mother.
So the girl practiced and practiced until her wedding night. While her anxious husband waited for her in the bed, she emerged wearing a sexy negligee, carrying a can of biscuit dough. She opened the can, threw the dough on the floor, lifted her negligee, and squatted over the dough, letting out a thunderous queef as she did so.
Her husband, startled, jumped from the bed and backed away.
"What's wrong, honey?" she asked.
He replied, "Shit woman!" as he stepped further away. "If that thing barks like that for a biscuit, I sure as hell don't want to throw any meat at it."