“Bruise the Gin”
Jesus Christ. Perhaps the most pernicious example of what martini jerkoffs find necessary to debate is the idea of “bruising”.
“Shaking bruises the Martini”
“No it doesn’t, stirring bruises the gin!”
“Shaking bruises gin and stirring bruises vodka”
“Vermouth can’t be bruised. It is invulnerable to the machinations of Earth mortals…”
What fucking ever. Goes back to James Bond as well, who after all, might be the only cool martini drinker ever. Why? Because he drank his any way he felt like having it and not according to some rigid, dimwitted sense of tradition or formalized drinky code. Bond would get himself a dry vodka martini in one story, and then make it medium dry in another. And that’s when he wasn’t mixing vodka with gin and Kina Lillet in his famous “Vesper” martini. That's the culprit cocktail which would incite generations of morons into strident squawking arguments over the details of this cold cup of booze. And for the record, where James Bond was concerned, it wasn’t the shaking- It was the stirring that would bruise the gin. Now that seems counterintuitive and perhaps that’s why everybody fucks up the quotes. Just remember that Bond wanted his drink shaken in the first place then stop remembering anything about it at all. How or why bruising occurs exactly I haven’t the foggiest and never will because it doesn’t mean shit beyond Ian Fleming’s sense of what a suave secret agent should say. It’s a line in work of fiction, dummies, and it amounts to no more than my saying “Don’t put a lime in my tequila – citrus cuts its dick off.”
For further expo from this imbecile - http://fullonredfrog.com
Revisionist History and New Quotable
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Revisionist History and New Quotable
Last edited by redfrog on Tue Sep 16, 2008 2:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Revisionist History and New Quotable
Martini's taste like what my back tires smell like when I'm doing 100 on the clock and not actually moving at all. I'm a fan.
Re: Revisionist History and New Quotable
Thanks a bunch Nelto - I just became yours.
Re: Revisionist History and New Quotable
Not in the mood for a Martini, so a G&T for me, please.
Drink your fucking drink, how about that? Stop the fuckin' presses, isn't it genius??
Casino
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Re: Revisionist History and New Quotable
A man after my own heart... gin with tonic is the drink, sir!Mayhem [Bot] wrote:Not in the mood for a Martini, so a G&T for me, please.
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes." Oscar Wilde
Re: Revisionist History and New Quotable
Diggin' the t-shirt Mayhem. But I can't join in all the GT fun. Gin makes my brain itch something fierce. I do find that a good silver tequila tonics up nicely though.Mayhem [Bot] wrote:Not in the mood for a Martini, so a G&T for me, please.
Re: Revisionist History and New Quotable
Sure, ok, then one of them, too.redfrog wrote:Diggin' the t-shirt Mayhem. But I can't join in all the GT fun. Gin makes my brain itch something fierce. I do find that a good silver tequila tonics up nicely though.Mayhem [Bot] wrote:Not in the mood for a Martini, so a G&T for me, please.
Drink your fucking drink, how about that? Stop the fuckin' presses, isn't it genius??
Casino
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Re: Revisionist History and New Quotable
I think my favorite Bond/martini moment is from Casino Royal...."Shaken, or stirred sir?" Bond: "Do I look like I give a damn." Just get me my fucking booze. When I order a martini, my only requirements be a halfway decent gin be used, and it have olives in it.
Re: Revisionist History and New Quotable
There we go! Realist, yet psoitive. Stuff me full of freaking olives, Pussy Galore!
http://fullonredfrog.com
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Re: Revisionist History and New Quotable
Don't mean to piss all over your very valid point about bruising vermouth by shaking martinis so I will just tell you that shaking a martini bruises the ice cubes - by that I mean it breaks off the sharp corners and creates chips that melt more quickly than an unbattered cube. This has the unholy effect of watering down the most reverent of libations; gin (or vodka for those of that ilk) and vermouth (a very sturdy wine by the way).
My suggestion: a small number of very cold ice cubes in a shaker, add desired amount of gin (or vodka for said breeds) and vermouth – give a gentle swirl with a bar spoon and let them introduce themselves to one another for 20 or 30 seconds. Decant into appropriate vessel, garnish (too many schools of thought for this thread) and consume.
I must also point out that I concur fully with your over arching assertion that the general population should STFU about Bond's drink orders . He is a double naught spy for chrissake.
My suggestion: a small number of very cold ice cubes in a shaker, add desired amount of gin (or vodka for said breeds) and vermouth – give a gentle swirl with a bar spoon and let them introduce themselves to one another for 20 or 30 seconds. Decant into appropriate vessel, garnish (too many schools of thought for this thread) and consume.
I must also point out that I concur fully with your over arching assertion that the general population should STFU about Bond's drink orders . He is a double naught spy for chrissake.
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Re: Revisionist History and New Quotable
"Etiquette" of any kind reeks of snobbery, which leads to asshattery, douchebaggery and so on. Before you know it, you're wearing sweater-vests, starting conversations with remarks about the weather and actually getting OUT of the shower to take a piss. I'll have none of it.
Slippery slope and whatnot.
Slippery slope and whatnot.
Cell phones: The perfect way to keep in touch with distant friends whilst pissing off the ones sitting right next to you.
Re: Revisionist History and New Quotable
I feel you, CF, about the horrible undrunk work hours of 2008 - Gosh, how they frowned on my on-the-job lubrications... Had to quit work and took up writing and somehow I'm now too tired to drink as much...
No worries about pissing all over the bruising rant, Amst1d - one can't be too worried about rebuttals when scribbling out bellyaches. Shaking booze with ice, to me, sounds less like a "bruising" risk and more like causing massive hemhorraging within your drink. Keep the hooch in the freezer and throw the ice trays in the trash can!
"To piss warm and drink cold because our mother Earth is in the middle and made round like an egg..." Henry Miller, quoting Trimalchio he says. It seems to fit here although I really have no fucking idea what it means...
No worries about pissing all over the bruising rant, Amst1d - one can't be too worried about rebuttals when scribbling out bellyaches. Shaking booze with ice, to me, sounds less like a "bruising" risk and more like causing massive hemhorraging within your drink. Keep the hooch in the freezer and throw the ice trays in the trash can!
"To piss warm and drink cold because our mother Earth is in the middle and made round like an egg..." Henry Miller, quoting Trimalchio he says. It seems to fit here although I really have no fucking idea what it means...