Official thread of crackers, cheeses and meats, oh my

That's right. You can put them right here.

Moderators: Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, Judge, oettinger, Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator

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whiskeyprick
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Re: Official thread of crackers, cheeses and meats, oh my

Post by whiskeyprick »

after the 2 hour(usually 20min) drive home from yesterday with no cigs(my bad) I extinguished all the lunch meat with whatever crackers in the house when I finally got home.
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Re: Official thread of crackers, cheeses and meats, oh my

Post by Artful Drunktective »

Sandwich crackers? Yay or Nay? I've said it before and I say it again...YAY! Cheese & PB were my fave.

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Re: Official thread of crackers, cheeses and meats, oh my

Post by oettinger »

Cheddar and Cream
Drink!
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Re: Official thread of crackers, cheeses and meats, oh my

Post by scream ale »

I've never seen the cream cheese and chives packs.
I feel cheated now.

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Re: Official thread of crackers, cheeses and meats, oh my

Post by Patchez »

Cream cheese and chive and the Wheat n Cheddar are pretty on point for drunchies.
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Re: Official thread of crackers, cheeses and meats, oh my

Post by oettinger »

Patchez wrote:
Fri Nov 06, 2020 3:55 pm
drunchies.
I like that term. Do you dip it in your whisky british tea time style but it`s 5 a.m.?
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Re: Official thread of crackers, cheeses and meats, oh my

Post by Artful Drunktective »

Patchez wrote:
Fri Nov 06, 2020 3:55 pm
Cream cheese and chive and the Wheat n Cheddar are pretty on point for drunchies.
None of these flavors BTW are available in Germany. Damn you Lance crackers and your disgusting drunchie deliciousness!
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Re: Official thread of crackers, cheeses and meats, oh my

Post by Artful Drunktective »

scream ale wrote:
Fri Nov 06, 2020 1:45 pm
I've never seen the cream cheese and chives packs.
I feel cheated now.

You should feel cheated. Because they are delectable. I certainly feel cheated right now.
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Re: Official thread of crackers, cheeses and meats, oh my

Post by Artful Drunktective »

As I was vacuuming around my computer and lounge area today, I heard an enormous (and disturbing) amount of cracker crumbs being sucked up. And it was all in the vicinity in which I spend my days and nowhere else in the house so I am clearly the only culprit. I wondered if it was because I eat a lot of crackers or because I am just one lazy, slovenly, shitbag. Just picture a female Dude with a cocktail and a box of crackers, if you will.

I reflected on the numerous crackers that I had dined on in the past week (in no particular order- Cheez-Its, cheddar-blasted Goldfish, and Saltines- with pb&j although I ate some plain- and it occurred to me that yeah I eat a shit ton of crackers AND yeah evidently I AM a slob. I'm feeling a bit sheepish by this realization!

On a lighter note I was watching some "Good Mythical Morning" clips on YouTube while eatin' said crackers where Rhett and Link have a cracker taste off to decide which cracker is better with soup and then where they taste test several brands of crackers and try to determine which is the "brand name" cracker and not a knock-off.

These guys gross multi millions a year doing stuff like eatin' crackers! This was an epiphany and I think I found my calling. I must become a YouTuber and share with the world my knowledge of crackers and other foods, but unlike them, I would be wasted. I would enlist fellow drunkard Badfellow to be my partner in crime (aside from the obvious fact that he is a fellow cracker connoisseur, we have tons of fun together) and we could drunkenly eat and critique all kinds of food. There's a lot of people out there doing this already...so what is stopping us from capitalizing on the fun? If I were to accomplish this, I wouldn't feel so ashamed of my heedless diet and lifestyle and instead, attribute it to product research and make money while doing it.

This will never happen BTW. But it's fun to dream about making money off of eatin' crackers.
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Re: Official thread of crackers, cheeses and meats, oh my

Post by Badfellow »

I’m down with the cause. Make money by drinking? That IS the dream.
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Re: Official thread of crackers, cheeses and meats, oh my

Post by Merchant Seaman »

Badfellow wrote:
Wed May 05, 2021 10:59 am
I’m down with the cause. Make money by drinking? That IS the dream.
It's one of them, but deep fried spam fries and a high life is up there too

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Re: Official thread of crackers, cheeses and meats, oh my

Post by Artful Drunktective »

^ ^ ^ I am down with SPAM anything and it is always a delicious highlight to the day when it makes an appearance.
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Re: Official thread of crackers, cheeses and meats, oh my

Post by Artful Drunktective »

So you cracker eaters know I complain often about how Germany does not have the awesome cracker selection like 'murrica does. There's about three brands of crackers to choose from mixed in the chip aisle. Welp there is this one brand called TUC that originated in Belgium that ranks high in the cracker competition. They have several flavors but recently I discovered the sour cream n' onion flavor...which isn't even my favorite flavor of salty snacks- even when it comes to Lay's tater chips. But I must admit I was pleasantly surprised and I am giving credit where credit is due. Good job Germany, for in your paltry cracker section, you carry these deliciously seasoned buttery tasty treats. I am thoroughly impressed and they made the top 10 on my cracker list. Evidently TUC are also part of Mondelez Int'l (which also includes Chips Ahoy!, Oreo, Ritz, and Triscuits, among many other things) so if you stumble upon these in your quest for salty snacks, pick some up, you won't be disappointed.

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Re: Official thread of crackers, cheeses and meats, oh my

Post by Merchant Seaman »

Jarlsberg, Blue, Goda, hell most cheeses for that matter

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Re: Official thread of crackers, cheeses and meats, oh my

Post by Badfellow »

In the future, Mondelēz will own all crackers. Depending upon your party loyalties and assigned social status, the following choices will be the only ones available in a gray, dystopian world void of joy or any cracker hope:

*Slug Crisps - available in Rancid Original, Napalm BBQ or Sour Feet n’ Bunion flavors

*Trying 2B A Biskit - you can put things on it

*Sleaze-Its - infuriatingly small crackers flavored with mock cheese product from the torula yeast slave farms of Mindanao

*Ritzy Shitz - essentially the same cracker eaten by the poor but in much finer packaging
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