Chess Full Of Gin

[mistah willies]

In the asshole of California, which I refer to as Fuckno, there was once a tawdry assortment of apartments in a complex called, "San Joaquin Valley Estate" back in the '80s.

Assholes, for calling it that. It was more like the Sans Joking Cesspool.

My closest friend Joey and I awaited two cute ladies we'd met at the county fair the night before. Indeed, they were "Valley Girls," gag me with a fork. But they were going to pick us up in a car. This would be fun.

I'd like to think that it was his idea to play a game of chess and sip from the half handle of gin we'd pimped the night before, but the idea was most likely mine. I was prone to bad ideas. I will post a photo of my hands in the Judge's scar thread to prove this.

The idea was this: A shot for every man you lost.

It started out intelligent and gentlemanly at first, (Intelligentlemanly? Nah, fergit it...)

Towards the middle of the game, which would accelerate to the end of my love for gin, there came a knock on the front door.

Joey and I had been rapidly losing chess pieces as we hammered that handle. By "losing pieces," I mean, I found one a few days later under the fridge while searching for a dropped hit in the kitchen. There were angry dents in the walls behind each of our heads.

Well, the first thing you do is, you stand up, or try to, and adjust your tie. In this case, it was, "pull on your leather jackets and make yourselves preshentabbable."


We greeted our ladies with shiny eyes and smiles and made our way to their ride.


For some reason, they looked worried. They made us sit in the back, and drove us away.


The motion of the car was like a ship on the high seas, with the Kraken surging from the depths of our bellies. Thank goodness it wasn't that tasty rum concoction i had to re-learn a new fondness for, years later.


It was the blessed gin.


I rolled down the window to get some fresh desert air and felt a rumble in my tumble. I thrust my head out and ruined the paint all down the length of her car from where I sat, but Joey didn't bother with the window. He simply leaned over and filled the footwell with his own aromatics.

Needless to say, it was the shortest date I have ever been on, but not the quietest.

I can remember crawling across the grass from the curb where they returned us, grabbing at the grass to not fly off into the starry, spinning void above.


The Earth spins at a thousand or so miles per hour, you know.

But I still quite enjoy a game of chess.


Without gin.


Cheers, good friends.

[Palinka (RIP)]

Excellent tale. Clearly you need one of these...

[mistah willies]

Excellent tale. Clearly you need one of these...

Thank you for your kind words on my sad tale about gin, and that link is fucking excellent, kind sir.








Wish list item.

[Palinka (RIP)]

I recently came across a medical report pre-WW1, which insisted that gin drinkers were more likely to suffer from "spontaneous human combustion". I should love to scan, and post, said document but, alas, the hospital will not allow its removal from the archive.

[Mr. Viking]

that does sound ginteresting

[Surreal]

Chess? meh....
Drunken Battleship is where it's at.

[Mr. Viking]

I'd like to sink a few

[mistah willies]

I'd be the captain who stays aboard the sinking ship in a sea of gin, you three mates. If gin would taste good again, neat and clean.

[Palinka (RIP)]

Ok, I'll start (which , eans, unconventionally, I am playing white), KP to KP4.

[steved2112]

Ok, I'll start (which , eans, unconventionally, I am playing white), KP to KP4.

That move is illegal
(as you scratch your head at my obvious obliviance, I reach for your vodka)

tdcwillies you are obviously an enlightened man.

[Bur]

I was planning on setting this up, so we can get this thread a little bit more interactive. Then I accidentally drank all my whisky.

[Palinka (RIP)]

I was planning on setting this up, so we can get this thread a little bit more interactive. Then I accidentally drank all my whisky.

No problem, and my move stands.

[mistah willies]

I was planning on setting this up, so we can get this thread a little bit more interactive. Then I accidentally drank all my whisky.

No problem, and my move stands.

And it has been answered.

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=41589&p=1103811#p1103811


Got any Vicodin on ya? It goes quite well with booze, my friend.

[Shane-O-Matic]

I'm late to this - sorry! - but that's a top story. Reminds me of why I still cannot play poker.

Essentially, each time I try and learn, I get really drunk and subsequently forget.