A man who had been happily married for 50yrs. dies and goes to Heaven. At the Pearly Gates he finds a few other souls in line to get in. Soon St. Peter shows up and asks the first man, "How faithful were you in your marriage?... Don't answer I'm looking into it right now... Well, sir from what I can gather to determine what sort of vehicle you will be awarded to drive in heaven based on your marital history , I've determined that you get to drive a top of the line Lexus". This first gentleman was delighted. The next guy not so much. He ended up entering the gates on a used Harley.
Now the man that had accumulated 50yrs. of marriage came forward and St. Peter beamed, "You've done exceptionally well. For your loyalty and devotion you get a band new Rolls Royce Silver Shadow convertible all in white! Hope you enjoy". This fellow is also delighted and drives off through the gates.
Soon, one day he's driving around downtown and approaches a stoplight followed by a '57 T-bird. They both stop at the light. On one corner they see a woman who throws a skateboard into the crosswalk and takes off across the street. The man in the Rolls is horrified and suddenly goes into a rage banging on his steering wheel and sobbing uncontrollably. The man in the T-bird starts honking his horn but there is no response. He gets out and walks up to the Rolls with the inconsolable occupant.
"What's wrong sir? What can be the matter here you have the finest vehicle I've ever seen. What could be troubling you?"
The man replied, "Did you see that woman cross the street on a skateboard".
"Yes, of course".
"That was my wife!"
Henny Youngman
http://funny2.com/hennye.htm
A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"
Take my wife, please!
I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife every finds out, she'll kill me!
She has an electric blender, electric toaster, electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down! So what did I do? Bought her an electric chair.
She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!"
