Blood on the sheets.
Scratched and dug with that bamboo back scratcher on my back thought the night.
Luckily, i wasn't alone and someone grabbed it from my passed out hand.
Gross thing is that i licked it off and continued to use it. Ethyl is in hand sanitizer. Even mouth ethyl.
Who's next?
Gross Things I Have Done
Moderators: Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, Judge, oettinger, Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator
- mistah willies
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Gross Things I Have Done
Can we drink now? ---peetie44
At rock bottom, there is no down. ---The Oett
^ ^ ^ Yes his entire cutlery set and all utensils are made from assorted broken bottles.--- The Artful Detective
Just remember Hugh: a good cocktail in a shitty glass is better that a shitty cocktail in a pretty glass.---The Badfellow
I'll buy the first round if you promise to stop being a cunt. --- Dear Booze
At rock bottom, there is no down. ---The Oett
^ ^ ^ Yes his entire cutlery set and all utensils are made from assorted broken bottles.--- The Artful Detective
Just remember Hugh: a good cocktail in a shitty glass is better that a shitty cocktail in a pretty glass.---The Badfellow
I'll buy the first round if you promise to stop being a cunt. --- Dear Booze
Re: Gross Things I Have Done
I think I`ll have to drink way more to come up with something as gross. Later tonight on skype I`ll have a ten-page report ready for you
Drink!
- mistah willies
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Re: Gross Things I Have Done
The best day was named after the coolest planet.
Cheers bud.
.
Can we drink now? ---peetie44
At rock bottom, there is no down. ---The Oett
^ ^ ^ Yes his entire cutlery set and all utensils are made from assorted broken bottles.--- The Artful Detective
Just remember Hugh: a good cocktail in a shitty glass is better that a shitty cocktail in a pretty glass.---The Badfellow
I'll buy the first round if you promise to stop being a cunt. --- Dear Booze
At rock bottom, there is no down. ---The Oett
^ ^ ^ Yes his entire cutlery set and all utensils are made from assorted broken bottles.--- The Artful Detective
Just remember Hugh: a good cocktail in a shitty glass is better that a shitty cocktail in a pretty glass.---The Badfellow
I'll buy the first round if you promise to stop being a cunt. --- Dear Booze
Re: Gross Things I Have Done
We were driving to our niece's birthday party when I felt a particularly strong urge to shit my pants. I directed my wife to exit at the nearest exit so I could use the restroom at the grocery store a quarter mile south of the exit.
Much to my uncomfortable dismay, my bowels proceeded to let loose everything they had in them. I was in such distress, I thought it would be better if I removed my pants and put a plastic bag under my ass to catch the python slithering out of my ass.
In quick order, I experienced my mistake when the shit overflowed the bag onto the car seat. As I desperately attempted to scoop my shit into the bag, my ever tolerant wife pulled us off into a quiet residential neighborhood where I jumped out of the car and squatted on the curb, letting my bowels empty with their full urgency.
By the time I was done, I had filled my pants and the passenger seat with piles of shit.
On that quiet Sunday morning in that quiet suburban neighborhood, we left behind a bag filled with shit, blue jeans filled with shit, and a pile of towels covered in shit.
Much to my uncomfortable dismay, my bowels proceeded to let loose everything they had in them. I was in such distress, I thought it would be better if I removed my pants and put a plastic bag under my ass to catch the python slithering out of my ass.
In quick order, I experienced my mistake when the shit overflowed the bag onto the car seat. As I desperately attempted to scoop my shit into the bag, my ever tolerant wife pulled us off into a quiet residential neighborhood where I jumped out of the car and squatted on the curb, letting my bowels empty with their full urgency.
By the time I was done, I had filled my pants and the passenger seat with piles of shit.
On that quiet Sunday morning in that quiet suburban neighborhood, we left behind a bag filled with shit, blue jeans filled with shit, and a pile of towels covered in shit.
Amateur demolition derby on the carpeting afterward
- mistah willies
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Re: Gross Things I Have Done
Wait, you're shitting me.
Actually, friggin funny story. Trifecalta !
In reciprocation, here's something, albeit less of a "shitty, crappy" tale my good man.
One time, I got drunk on my birthday, against my choice.
The birthday, that was against my choice. I don't need any excuse to get drunk.
Now, we went off to dinner and staggered in there and a wee man was our greeter. He was pretty damn cool. So, no bowling.
I was so drink and so full of food that we weren't even let into the Martini bar across the stumbly street. That's because we weren't properly attired, pretending, pretentious pussbags.
The Thai place had loud, strange music, so we didn't stay long. They were playing, "youthful dance music of USA 2018" or some shit.
Speaking of shit, we headed home. I needed to make room for more drinking.
Unfortunately, the stretch of park we have to cross in utter darkness had been altered so like a rollercoaster track. But instead of loop de loops, it was the ground fighting my face.
I got up on my knees and made room for more drinking.
When we stayed in, I went to rinse out my mouth so that all the hail Marys wouldn't interfere with the flavor of lovely miss ethyl.
My eyes were more blood shot thank usual, yet I had broken blood vessels around me eyes and top cheeks.
Is this the start of the strawberry nose?
- Artful Drunktective
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Re: Gross Things I Have Done
We gotta do what we gotta do.mistah willies wrote: ↑Sat Mar 24, 2018 7:33 amI got up on my knees and made room for more drinking.
Amateur demolition derby on the carpeting afterward
- mistah willies
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Re: Gross Things I Have Done
Those are good for those itchy, burning situations, especially if it is early spring and they still have ice on them.
Amateur demolition derby on the carpeting afterward
Re: Gross Things I Have Done
Leaves of three for when you pee. Try to remember that. Handy tidbit.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
- mistah willies
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Re: Gross Things I Have Done
Ahh, the ones with natural plant oils so you can get right in there...
- Artful Drunktective
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Re: Gross Things I Have Done
Indeed. Who doesn't want a raging case of poison ivy up ye arse?Patchez wrote: ↑Wed Apr 04, 2018 11:02 pmLeaves of three for when you pee. Try to remember that. Handy tidbit.
Okole maluna!
- mistah willies
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Re: Gross Things I Have Done
Perhaps it's the most sincere way to express ourselves?Artful Drunktective wrote: ↑Sun Mar 25, 2018 12:28 amWhy do guys always shit their pants? Very perplexing...
Wait. Blecch... It's that what espresso means in Italian French?