The Wlak CH 6 Brutal Hammer

Remember what happened last night? Good. Now tell the world.

Moderators: Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, Judge, oettinger, Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator

Post Reply
User avatar
The Urbane Spaceman
Super Drunkard
Super Drunkard
Posts: 192
Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 5:18 pm

The Wlak CH 6 Brutal Hammer

Post by The Urbane Spaceman »

Urb eased back into his leather high back and stared into the fire. Cigar smoke form the ashtray stand swirled about the amber glass plate full of ashes and slithered toward the embers in the fireplace, then up into the flue. Out.

He grabbed his rocks glass and swirled his bourbon around the ice cube, staring at the flicker of firelight through the curious elixir. He smiled, sipped it, and set it back on the shingle coaster next to the oil lamp on the side table.

The pen and pad on his lap glared back up at him, hungry. He sighed, remembering the times of his youth, and the exploits that tied him to the past. Most things look better in the rear-view mirror.
Some can bring a smile for an escaped route.
But a few moments can always make one cringe to recall.

Burney bear-hugged Urb from behind and whisper-shouted, “Urb! Nice pink coat you got here!”

Urb’s left ear rang from the bell, and he slammed his empty glass back on the bar top. He shrugged Burney off and got up off of his barstool, almost falling. He said, “Burney! Never spill a man’s drink before he gets a chance to do it hisshelf!”

Burney chuckled and said, “I done been rufied!”

Urb smiled back. He said, “Nah, it’s the Brutal Hammer! Now it be time to get the fruck back to the plashe! We leave these fine wenches to their own comport and, wait, what was I shaying?”

Ella leaned over and said, “Wenches?”

Burney said, “Hayy! We got some man talking to do here!”

Ella stood up and almost fell over. She said, “This is a woman talking to you now!

Urb grabbed them both by the shoulders and said, “The Brutal Hammer drink is upon us! There’s not much time left. We are losing our wits as we speak. Now listen! We need to get back to the hotel before we are all blacked-out!”
His plan to escape the seductress Ella had seemed fine at the time, but now it was back-firing. How many of the Brutals had they done?

He staggered grabbed his card and the receipt for the last couple of rounds and eyed the tip amount. They were settled. With an extravagant tip, of course. That was fair. The bar keep leaned over and said, “I want to call cabs for your group.”
Burney nodded back at him, but Urb said, “No, we got a guy with our ride. But yes, for them lasses right there. G’bite sir!”

He staggered out and made a spiraling dash to the parking lot beyond the bushes. Burney flew out after him and ran into Urb and they went down through the bushes together.

Urb wheezed and said, “Why’d you do that?”

Burney got up off of Urb and rolled over. He said, “I didn’t want to see you go up into the night sky again.” Then he vomited.

Urb wrangled his knees and arose with the help of the curb. He looked over to where the vehicle once sat and saw nothing. He placed one dusty hand over one eye and looked intently upon the wavering parking lot again. The car was gone, baby, gone.

Ella burst out of the doors behind them and shouted, “Where the hell did you guys go?” She looked around the bar’s parking lot at the fornt of the place, and out on the street, and then under her shoes. She had no clue.

Burney said, “Hay! Over here! Help me up!”

Ella walked sideways, left and right, in a zig zag to the bushes. She said, “Which one of these plantssh are you Burney? Which one is Urb?”

Burney crawled back though and got up on his knees. He said, “Stop making jokes! We got to get back before the cops come!”

Ella stepped back and said, “Who called the cops? Why did the cops get called?”

Urb stood up and crashed through the bushes and adjusted his tie beneath his pink jacket with the furry hood. He said, “Ma’am, no one will ever call the cops on us. Now where’s your car?”

Ella said, “It’s not my car. It’s Stacy’s rental. We got to get her and Steph. But I think they’re making friends inside the bar.”

Urb said. “Ella, can you get her keys from her? Tim is of the essenshe!”

Ella looked like she was going to cry. “Why? Was I poisoned? Who is Tim?”

Urb ambled over to her and hugged her to keep them both from falling down, of course. He said, “No, we have not been poisoned. But it would be a really good idea to get back to our rooms and sleep this off right now. Vodka and wine is the cause, the reason, and a possible antidote.”

Ella’s eyes lit up. She eased Urb around and pointed at three taxicabs arriving. One of them pulled up directly in front of them and the driver rolled his window down. She said, “Three of us, more inside. You’ll take us three here, now.”

The driver nodded and unlocked his doors. Burney crawled over and Urb helped him up. Ella helped Urb get Burney into the rear seat and then slid in next to him. Urb wobbled in next to her and slammed the door against his shoe. He said, “Yeeooow!”

The driver said, “You OK there buddy? Holy crap you guys reek of serious booze. No puking in the cab!”
Urb pulled his leg in and said, “Ella, tell him the address of the hotel!”

And they were off.

---Urb Out.


Post Reply