The Hole

[Artful Drunktective]

I took the dolphin. Sorry.

That explains the fish-like smell

The dolphin smell is coming from the Shit Talker's Bar & Grill where it is being grilled at this moment.

[Artful Drunktective]

The indoor/outdoor carpeting next to the giant wooden cable spool was ruined by a friend of one of the guests when she squated and peed during her karaoke rendition of Proud Mary.

Yeah Natasha never apologized for peeing on the multitude of rugs she pissed on. What a whore.

[Dear Booze]

The Hole celebrates those heroes who have served in our armed forces with a weekend-long Veteran's Day Celebration.

Join us as we show appreciation for every single person who ever donned a uniform and marched into battle, swabbed a deck, dug a hole, filed paperwork, saluted a higher rank, drove a truck, fixed a vehicle, rewired some electrical stuff, polished something, shot something, slept in a tent, slept on a cot, slept in a bed, didn't sleep at all, said "Sir, yes sir", had a foot locker, went on leave, went on liberty, rode in a tank, rode on a boat, rowed a boat, wrote about boats and tanks, and everything else that heroes do, did, or will do.

Remember the fallen with a pitcher of genuine American lager for each and every conflict, war, and skirmish.

Drink a shot for every serviceman or woman who paid the ultimate sacrifice.

Drink till you can no longer stand in honor of the wounded warriors.

Drink till you can no longer speak in honor of those who did not live to talk about their experiences protecting our great nation.

Give thanks to the men and women who keep our country free by tipping the bartenders.

Quietly remember those who died by not mentioning Shit Talkers Bar and Grill.

Give thanks to those who made a holiday where we can drink for three fucking days without the worry of getting fired from a job.

Come on in. It's The Hole, America's Favorite Bar.

2 out of 10 veterans love this place!

[Lush City]

Drinking bar galaxistar, space night at the hole

Enterpsing new prices
Planet of the beers
Drink Odyssey
Pass out Monday Judgement day

I'm convinced you are being held hostage in some Hollywood CA. BDSM dungeon with an internet connection in front of you forced to submit such ridiculous posts. Wow! Whatever it takes, man...

[Dear Booze]

It's Day II of the weekend-long Veteran's Day Celebration at The Hole

We couldn't find a veteran, veterinarian, vegetarian, vegetable, or velcro salesman to deliver a speech on the virtues of war. But our loss is your gain. The Hole is proud to present Robert Wilcox, a regular customer who has agreed to work off his bar tab by delivering a spirited lecture on Experimental Mechanics: A Study of the Reliability of the Centrifugal Force Coefficients of Suspention Bridges. And if we have time, our own Shit Finger Shelly will entertain us by sharing facts about bees.

It's a big day. Come on down and support the troops by paying twice the price for half the beer.

[Dear Booze]

Quick, get down to The Hole. Members of The Central Desert Yacht & Cattle Club are sponsoring the first round of drinks for the first customer through the door.

[Artful Drunktective]

Quick, get down to The Hole. Members of The Central Desert Yacht & Cattle Club are sponsoring the first round of drinks for the first customer through the door.

And to welcome the Central Desert Yacht & Cattle Club, The Hole has a special drink menu featuring the Yucca Valley Horned Horny Toad Melon Margarita, the Yuba City Avacado Ice Tea- much like the Long Island only it has a shot of Jägermeister, and the Get Along Little Dogie Bloody Mary with a hot "dogie" in it instead of a strip of bacon.
Roofies can be added at an additional cost.

[oettinger]

Still the best way for our boys to not get harmed: Overnight benders, miss the cruise, miss the war, never miss a shot!

[Badfellow]

Some people can't get raped by dolphins, even if they try! True story. But I'm not the one to do the tellin' there, my fellow bad hombres. Though I can assume since they were Mexican dolphins tlit had something to do with either black market Viagra, tequila dick or a 50/50 mix.

DRUNK: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!

[Lush City]

From The Hole to those who served, wherever you are.

[Dear Booze]

Look folks, it's time to be honest. Because, without honesty, we have a less than honest relationship. Right? And who want's that? Nobody. That's why at The Hole would like to address a recent negative advertising campaign head on. There's really no other way of dealing with those who want what you have and will stop at nothing to take what they don't deserve.

The folks at Shit Talkers Bar & Grill have sunk to an all-time low. And they have done so out of greed. The bottom line is that they want your business. Or, shall I say, they want your money. Yes. They want it so badly that they have twisted the truth to make you fine people believe they deserve it. But they don't.

I encourage you to read the Breitbart report for yourself. The owner of The Hole is not "linked to [a] Mongolian Neo-Nazi Group", In fact he is the proud founder and leader of The Mongolian Brotherhood of Hitler, a certified 501C3 organization founded to preserve the rights and freedoms of Mongolian Nazis in America. That right there is a true American who stands up for the little guy.

And "the fact that the bartenders are all certified 'Class III' scumbags and/or slimeballs [sic]"? It's also true. Again, the owner of The Hole does not discriminate against anyone and believes that everyone deserves a fair shake. This philosophy, good people, is the exact opposite of that of the owner of Shit Talkers Bar & Grill, who is only interested in money and raping children.

Finally, my friends, the owner of Shit Talkers Bar & Grill claims to have worse food than The Hole. Well, that's another goddam lie! The Hole's food is so bad that we aren't even allowed to serve it. That's right, Based on the County Health Department's recent report, "The Hole's kitchen is inadequate and disgusting; food holding equipment is outdated and not operational; preparation and handling practices are against all codes known to man in this state, county or the world; these people deserve to burn in hell."

So, honestly, dear friends, you don't have to feel bullied into going to a place where greed is the motivation for operation. You can live free and make the choice that's right for you. They think you are a bunch of idiots. That's why they tried to sway your opinion in an attempt to steal your hard-earned money and destroy your life. What's next? Will they frame you for murder?

So come on in. Experience The Hole for youself. It's not as bad as you think. Remember, "When you're at The Hole, you are family."

[Badfellow]

Yes, my fellow Drunkards. We live in desperate times...

Look folks, it's time to be honest. Because, without honesty, we have a less than honest relationship. Right? And who want's that? And blah, blah, blah and a bunch of other jaw-wagging crap...

As proud proprietor of Shit Talkers Bar & Grill, I will personally meet these baseless allegations as well as our competitor's alleged groping incidents and his dealings with North Korean spies.



Way back in 2016, my grandpappy Horace Badfellow carved Shit Talkers Bar & Grill out of the wilderness with little more than a vision and the hard work of his five common law wives. Of course, many imitators would follow, but none would match the genuine squalor or the rich, mildewed stench of the one and only original.

... The bottom line is that they want your business. Or, shall I say, they want your money...

No shit, Sherlock. You think we're running a freakin' charity here? Or maybe deep down, you're one of those pinko commie types who thinks everyone is entitled to a free snort of vodka?

I'm not saying that our competitor's establishment is a den of unwholesome communist perversion and godless inequities. Nor do I imply that the owner is constantly high on bath salts, or that he likes to jack off at the end of the bar during happy hour. No, these are conclusions that any sensible person could make on their own.

Remember folks, when you're spending that hard earned dollar, you're casting a vote. And if you spend your hard earned dollar anywhere else other than the original Shit Talkers Bar & Grill, then you might as well have voted for Hitler.

As proof of our commitment to your slovenly nature and your God given right to get abso-fuckin-lutely drunk as you wanna be, the original Shit Talkers Bar & Grill is now offering 12 for 1 drink deals on all blended swills and bottom shelf liqueurs. And I give you my personal pledge of allegiance that the roach colony in our popcorn machine has now been eradicated with highly toxic chemical insecticides.

Don't believe the hype, folks. And don't believe the flannel-mouthed jibber-jabber of our competitor either. Believe mine instead. At Shit Talkers Bar & Grill, you're not just family; you're also a paying customer or else you can get the fuck out.

[RIPT2.0]

Do you guys need a Bouncer? I may be old but I've got moves and I shoot to kill.

[Badfellow]

Do you guys need a Bouncer? I may be old but I've got moves and I shoot to kill.

Shit Talkers Bar & Grill pays top dollar for bouncing talent, and we provide fully automatic suppressed weaponry in addition to body armor and flash bang grenades. Plus you'll receive a kill bonus for every scumbag and/or slimeball you eliminate, not to mention full medical and dental coverage.

Or, you could elect for employment at The Hole where Shitfinger Shelley performs free prostate exams behind the dumpsters.

[Dear Booze]

I am proud to stand among my people, the greatest people on the planet, the backbone of the international economy, the unrecognized heroes of world culture, pistons in the motor of forward thinking, and the quiet class of universal soldiers fighting in the army of freedom from oppression. You are all the true leaders of global intelligence, the true leaders of the world. I don't claim to be the leader of lushes, savior of souses, or even the captain of Captain Morgan drinkers. I have no designs of the sort. I don't like the idea of having to do what I feel I have to do now. But I recognize how important it is. So here I am. I stand shy and naked in defense of what is right.

First, I refuse to refer to your...our enemy, Shit Talkers Bar and Grill, by name. Why would I invoke the name of pure evil which tries to destroy all that we stand for...all which is good and holy? I refuse to do it.

The proprietors of an unnamed cheap and shitty substandard excuse for a drinking establishment has made some fairly damning statements against The Hole, America's Favorite Place to Enjoy the Best Things on Earth. But any idiot with a head full of methamphetamine feels that he knows the answers to all the world's problems. So we really can't place blame on the poor fool. Can we?

So, to be fair, here is a true side-by-side comparison of The Hole, The World's Number One Choice of Wonderful Establishments to Drink Delicious and Reasonably Priced Drinks, and the unmentionable place where drinkers are demons and are only invited in so the proprietor can steal their money, fuck their dates, and digitally rape their children and pets.

The Hole will not serve drinks in glassware that will give you AIDS. We don't feel it's the right thing to do. The other place's reputation speaks for itself.

The Hole enjoys people and welcomes them to celebrate weddings, birthdays, bar mitzvahs, and spays and neuters. The other place promotes the killing and/or enslaving of spouses, children, Jews, and unwanted pets.

The Hole has never intentionally killed all of their patrons with poisonous gas. The other place buys poisonous gas in bulk.

The bartenders at The Hole have never engaged in the preparation of a "dickie cocktail" for ANY valuable guest. A "dickie cocktail" is a drink preparation method in which the male bartenders take turns squeezing open penile sores until puss begins oozing from the skin. The bartenders then deposit the bodily fluids onto the rim of the glass and then serves a cocktail in said glass.

The bar staff at the other place are all infected with diseased penises and they enjoy sharing their evil juices with unsuspecting customers. Then, they hi-five one another and laugh.

I can go on and on, but it's really not cool to beat a retard to death with a blue aluminum baseball bat, is it?

You know the right thing to do for yourself, because you aren't a retard, are you?

See you at The Hole, voted best place to drink in our solar system by everyone who has explored every bar in the universe.