Drunkard Injuries

Remember what happened last night? Good. Now tell the world.

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booznik
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by booznik »

Patchez wrote:I strongly disagree. If I had those at the house I could never use the excuse "But Honey, i have to drink it all tonight. I broke the cap and don't want it all to evaporate."
I like the cut of your jib.
Savage wrote:...The plastic thingies on handles seem to allow leaks on countertops. When one pries off said plastic, one must remember that stated booze flows at a much faster rate. Well, first world problems, as they say.
Total liquor company conspiracy. Every drop of countertop booze inches you closer to buying another bottle.

Semi-related, for a good time, hand a bottle of Buchanan's scotch to the uninitiated, and watch them try to pour. Anti-refill flow restrictors, how do they work?! Is that tiny glass marble supposed to be there? (hint: yes.)
oettinger wrote:Aww how cute, booznik collected all his former soothers.
They have pacified many a cranky bottle. I only save the unique and interesting ones, or the ones that look like they might fit an unusual bottle. Perhaps if I'd saved every single one over the years, I could open up a cork factory. Then again, I'd need a bigger drawer.
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"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies

"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

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oldsmartskunk
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oldsmartskunk »

Got really really drunk. In winter. Me and my mate went out to take a walk and i decided to take a leak. During this holy process i fell dick down into snow. That looked really funny. And my wiener felt really funny for days!

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booznik
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

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oldsmartskunk wrote:Got really really drunk...Me and my mate went out to take a walk and i decided to take a leak...
Drunken occupational hazards, they're everywhere. How many injurious stories have started with those two sentences?

Gotta keep spares on hand just in case. Made with German precision and a long, glorious history of sausage expertise.

Not so sure about the "extra crunchy" though...

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"Booznik. Smooth, classy and manatee-like." --Bur

"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow

"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies

"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Savage »

And now i am suffering a nasty wound, on account of the old Grump clawed open my arm (by accident, but still) And I can't wake him up to help change the dressing. Oh, ouch.
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by mistah willies »

booznik wrote:The plastic cap on my tequila bottle just fucked itself. The inner screwcap portion that was glued into the outer big cap unglued. Trying to pry it off, I sliced a thin layer of skin off my finger in the process (drunkard injury!).

I consulted my drawer full of corks and found one that fit on the second try. A drawer full of corks can be a useful thing. It's a blood bank for booze-bottles.

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That certainly beats any junk-drawer in this damned house.


More like a treasure trove of memories, if only one could remember





memories mammaries? those be nipples for tipples!




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booznik
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by booznik »

mistah willies wrote:memories mammaries? those be nipples for tipples!
Given the mechanics of the whole bottle thing, they're more likely to be short, stubby... willies.

Nice mental image. Thanks a lot, brother. Thanks ever so much. I'm never reaching into that drawer again.

Except when I need the corkscrew.

(badum-bump TSS)
"Booznik. Smooth, classy and manatee-like." --Bur

"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow

"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies

"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by mistah willies »

booznik wrote:
mistah willies wrote:memories mammaries? those be nipples for tipples!
Given the mechanics of the whole bottle thing, they're more likely to be short, stubby... willies.

Nice mental image. Thanks a lot, brother. Thanks ever so much. I'm never reaching into that drawer again.

Except when I need the corkscrew.

(badum-bump TSS)

To quote Lady Savage:

Ewww

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booznik
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by booznik »

mistah willies wrote: To quote Lady Savage:

Ewww
Having heard the evidence, and Prosecutor Willies moving, if extremely brief, closing argument... the jury finds this thread in Contempt of Cork.

Forthwith, they shall return to being corks, and no other thing, or somebody's going to jail.

Court adjourned.
"Booznik. Smooth, classy and manatee-like." --Bur

"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow

"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies

"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

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Patchez
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Patchez »

Those corksuckers.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider

Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice

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Bur
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

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oldsmartskunk wrote:Got really really drunk. In winter. Me and my mate went out to take a walk and i decided to take a leak. During this holy process i fell dick down into snow. That looked really funny. And my wiener felt really funny for days!
Strange I have not noticed any funny feels despite dozens of occasions where I went snow swimming in the winter. The photo evidence of one these cases still lurks these boards I believe.

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oldsmartskunk »

Bur wrote:
oldsmartskunk wrote:Got really really drunk. In winter. Me and my mate went out to take a walk and i decided to take a leak. During this holy process i fell dick down into snow. That looked really funny. And my wiener felt really funny for days!
Strange I have not noticed any funny feels despite dozens of occasions where I went snow swimming in the winter. The photo evidence of one these cases still lurks these boards I believe.
You must've built up an immunity!

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oettinger »

How often in the span of a liftetime does an average drunk break/injure his toes on walls or doorcases/closed-doors and never notices?
100 times? Just throwing that out there, never counted myself
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Palinka (RIP) »

oettinger wrote:How often in the span of a liftetime does an average drunk break/injure his toes on walls or doorcases/closed-doors and never notices?
100 times? Just throwing that out there, never counted myself
It tends to be more of a fracture (usually a hairline fracture, at that). Not too many real breakages of the tarsals.

The carpals, though, hoo-wee, do they tend to get busted up.
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oldsmartskunk
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oldsmartskunk »

I call this chilli on my willy. I was marinating meat with a chilli sauce. I barely scrubbed my hand and ran to the bathroom. And guess what? A piece of chilly got on my willy. That was HOT. Why do i get so many of these "penile" injuries...

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Patchez »

Oh... yes, I've semi felt your pain.
I was at a joint that had the whole shell flavored peanuts.
I start drinking and enjoying the Cajun flavored nuts. By the bowl full. About an hour goes by and the need to relieve was too much. I head to the bathroom. I piss like a cow on a flat rock.
Job done I head back to the bar. Three beers in my junk is tingling. Not in the good way. I'm trying to think what the hell is going on while I shove Cajun flavored peanuts down my gullet.

Two beers and another bowlful of peanuts , as I'm headed to the bathroom again, dick still on fire. The light bulb goes on.

Wash your hands before pissing...dumbass
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider

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