What were Michael Jackson's last word to the paramedic?
Take me to the children's hospital.
Offensive bar jokes
Moderators: Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, Judge, oettinger, Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator
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- Super Drunkard
- Posts: 167
- Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 11:24 pm
- Location: Sitting on the dock, waiting for the ship too blackout island. I hope it didn't forget about me.
Re: Offensive bar jokes
You guys wanna hear a really funny joke?
Women's Rights.
Women's Rights.
“Sinite felix transeat tempus!”
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- Super Drunkard
- Posts: 167
- Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 11:24 pm
- Location: Sitting on the dock, waiting for the ship too blackout island. I hope it didn't forget about me.
Re: Offensive bar jokes
What does a baby in a microwave sound like?
I don't know, I was to busy masturbating to notice any kind of sound.
I don't know, I was to busy masturbating to notice any kind of sound.
“Sinite felix transeat tempus!”
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- Super Drunkard
- Posts: 167
- Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 11:24 pm
- Location: Sitting on the dock, waiting for the ship too blackout island. I hope it didn't forget about me.
Re: Offensive bar jokes
Why do women get pregnant?
Because it hurts and they deserve it.
Because it hurts and they deserve it.
“Sinite felix transeat tempus!”
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- Super Drunkard
- Posts: 167
- Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 11:24 pm
- Location: Sitting on the dock, waiting for the ship too blackout island. I hope it didn't forget about me.
Re: Offensive bar jokes
Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang a picture.
It only takes one nail to hang a picture.
“Sinite felix transeat tempus!”
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- Tippler
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2009 7:31 pm
Re: Offensive bar jokes
A string walks into a barbarbar. The bartender gives him an angry glance and says “Hey, we don’t serve strings here.” The string leaves, puts on a costume and comes back. Once again the bartender kicks him out of the barbarbar, and says, “We don’t serve strings here!” The string sits outside and ties himself into a knot because he badly wants a drink. Then he begins to fray the edges of the knot so the top of his head looks like hair. By this time, the string feels he’s made enough of a transformation to get a drink at the barbarbar. When the string enters the barbarbar, the bartender looks at him suspiciously and says, “Hey, aren’t you that string?” The string replies: “Nope, frayed knot.”
"If you can't feed a hundred people, then just feed one."
"We can do no great things, only small things with great love."
Inspirational Quotes and Motivational Quotes by Mother Teresa, 1910-1997, Albanian-born Humanitarian and Missionary
"We can do no great things, only small things with great love."
Inspirational Quotes and Motivational Quotes by Mother Teresa, 1910-1997, Albanian-born Humanitarian and Missionary
- Wingman
- Chugging Like Churchill
- Posts: 5078
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- Location: on my way to a bar
Re: Offensive bar jokes
fixed that for ya. some whiskey for this coffee would be great, thanks.MichMorgan wrote: “Nope, i'm afrayed knot.”
Stupid should hurt.
"We're better than mere people, we're DRUNKARDS."
--ThirstyDrunk
"We're better than mere people, we're DRUNKARDS."
--ThirstyDrunk
- StefanoSbronzato
- Hooch Hound
- Posts: 94
- Joined: Fri Feb 12, 2010 5:53 am
- Location: Down t'pub
Re: Offensive bar jokes
Apologies if this has been posted here before but...
A man walks into his local and is surprised to see a different barman behind the bar. He thinks nothing of it and orders a pint anyway. After drinking several more pints he decides to call it a night.
"How much do I owe you?", he asks the bartender.
"Oh, nothing. Hell, have another few free pints while you're at it."
The man is astounded. "Are you sure about this? Where's the landlord?"
"Upstairs with my wife."
"What's he doing with her?"
"Same thing I'm doing to his business."
A man walks into his local and is surprised to see a different barman behind the bar. He thinks nothing of it and orders a pint anyway. After drinking several more pints he decides to call it a night.
"How much do I owe you?", he asks the bartender.
"Oh, nothing. Hell, have another few free pints while you're at it."
The man is astounded. "Are you sure about this? Where's the landlord?"
"Upstairs with my wife."
"What's he doing with her?"
"Same thing I'm doing to his business."
"There are no ugly women, there is only less vodka"--Russian proverb
--baby's first drunk post--Jelmo wrote:Guinnessa dsor brewakafast5. Fucxksa if withre yuour sillyh questionsd
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- Souse
- Posts: 15
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Re: Offensive bar jokes
ok , two fags want a baby, so they jerk off into a cup ok, and bring it to a lady who will insemanate there sperm into her womb, ok, 9 months later, ok, the 2 fags go to the hospital to see there baby, and its perfect , calm peacefull evreything they wanted, ok, the 2 fags tell evreybody around them , look at our baby, its perfect. the best baby in the place, then........ the nurse comes out and says yeh but wait until they pull the pacifer out of its ass! he he
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- Lord of Benders
- Posts: 295
- Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2010 12:08 am
- Location: Vancouver
Re: Offensive bar jokes
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer and asks how much.
The bartender replies "For you no charge"
Nerdy, not offensive, time to fix that...
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.
Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the stove.
Why did white people go to the moon? They thought natives had land up there and wanted to take it too.
The bartender replies "For you no charge"
Nerdy, not offensive, time to fix that...
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.
Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the stove.
Why did white people go to the moon? They thought natives had land up there and wanted to take it too.
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- Hooching Like Hemingway
- Posts: 3316
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- Location: On the border of Pineys Everywhere and Gaudy Summer Homes. Not far from Ghetto in the Woods.
Re: Offensive bar jokes
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
I can't jelly my cock down your wife's throat.
I can't jelly my cock down your wife's throat.
"You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to." - A.J.S.
#39
#39
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- Super Drunkard
- Posts: 167
- Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 11:24 pm
- Location: Sitting on the dock, waiting for the ship too blackout island. I hope it didn't forget about me.
Re: Offensive bar jokes
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
-- The fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out
-- The fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out
“Sinite felix transeat tempus!”
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- Super Drunkard
- Posts: 167
- Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 11:24 pm
- Location: Sitting on the dock, waiting for the ship too blackout island. I hope it didn't forget about me.
Re: Offensive bar jokes
A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her daughter replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that.
“Sinite felix transeat tempus!”
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- Super Drunkard
- Posts: 167
- Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 11:24 pm
- Location: Sitting on the dock, waiting for the ship too blackout island. I hope it didn't forget about me.
Re: Offensive bar jokes
Two homeless men are standing around bragging about their day. The First hobo says "Today i found $20, and was able to buy a nice hot meal. It was my luckiest day ever!".
to which the second hobo replies: "oh yeah, my day was way better! I was at the train yard, and found a woman tied to the train tracks. After I untied her, we fucked all day"
"Did you get a blow job?"
"Naw, I couldnt find her head"
to which the second hobo replies: "oh yeah, my day was way better! I was at the train yard, and found a woman tied to the train tracks. After I untied her, we fucked all day"
"Did you get a blow job?"
"Naw, I couldnt find her head"
“Sinite felix transeat tempus!”
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- Super Drunkard
- Posts: 167
- Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 11:24 pm
- Location: Sitting on the dock, waiting for the ship too blackout island. I hope it didn't forget about me.
Re: Offensive bar jokes
I locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other night. It turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger.
“Sinite felix transeat tempus!”